View Full Version : Digest Archive

Brian Cronin
05-01-2014, 05:11 PM
Every so often, poster extraordinaire howyadoin collected some of the best quotes from CBR posters and posted them in a DIGEST. I figured it'd be nice to save these Digests for posterity...


"Why is it I'm always funny when I'm self deprecating?

It must be my hormonal bitch titties."
~ Dom Jigsaw

"Drinking Diet Soda is kind of like taking a really smelly crap.

If you stay in the bathroom long enough, you don't notice that it stinks."
~ SteelTownr

"Its easy to be kind and magnanimous when someone else is picking up the check."
~ Boldido

"Back when I was a professional balloon twister, I didn't even join any of the clown societies or organizations."
~ MacQuarrie

"never trust a southerner, unless he's playing Freebird."
~ Alex

"I was going to serve salmon puffs, but then I realized that they're pretty gay, so instead, we're going to snack on shards of broken glass dipped in crude oil, a manly man's snack if there ever were one."
~ NormanB

"I hate it when anyone says (in regards to America):

'Love it or leave it'.

Here's a third option, jackass: FIX IT."
~ pennywisdom

"Only Adam Blah Blah Blah can solve this one for us."
~ Joe Rice

"I kinda wish Kevin Smith had been the writer for Identity Crisis."
~ PatrickG

"I have Hellen Keller's sketch book. She really couldn't draw."
~ Dom Jigsaw

JeffreyWKramer: "So, whaddaya have to say about sex?"
MacQuarrie: "Since we shut down the baby factory and had the whole area rezoned as recreational, it's been very good indeed."

"Knockouts are unfortunately rare in gymnastics."
~ Slam_Bradley

"I camncot tyoe, but I loev yoiuy!!!"
~ cosmic cat

"The quote was 'Hispanic and Latino women with blond hair look like hookers to me...' To which the defense was that he only said they looked like hookers, not that they were. To which the obvious response is I only said Byrne sounds like a total douchebag, not that he is."
~ StoneGold

"Real names on a comics message board?

Maybe we should put on a tie and comb our hair each time we make a post too."
~ cactusmaac

"No, I'm not a theme park nerd. I'm an 'enthusiast'."
~ Gilda Dent

"Being politically correct just means using the parlance of the day, and often bowing down to whichever psychologist was last on Oprah plugging their book."
~ FunkyGreenJerusalem

"It's actually amazing that conservatives are able to get out of bed in the morning -- everywhere they go, something gives them maidenly vapours."
~ Wesley Dodds

"I have an ear- and nose- hair trimmer. The tip is cylindre-- cylendri--- IT'S TUBELIKE AND HAS A ROTATING BLADE THING THAT GOES WHHHIIRRRR."
~ Ed Cunard

"Straight people should know that gay people come from another dimension and all want to turn your sons and daughters into zombie sex slaves for the devil."
~ Converge

"I love landscapes but I haven't been humping tree stumps."
~ kmeyers

"In spite of what you may believe, history is complicated, and cannot be reduced to simplistic platitudes and bumper stickers."
~ Tages

"Wake up! It's the internet! Don't you know Lucas raped your childhood?!?!"
~ Valmore

"Reading back over that, I think I've used the word "cool" so many times that's it's lost meaning."
~ Gilda Dent

"doo doot doo do doot doot do doo doot doo.

Lord knows why I don't have a record contract."
~ twilight

"Alex and Fabian,
sitting in a tree,
Pee Eye Bee Bee Eye Enn Gee...

~ Pól Rua

"Is it possible the decline in the morality of man had something to do with Reagan's vaunting of greed or Nixon's contempt for democracy?"
~ Wesley Dodds

Brian Cronin
05-01-2014, 05:13 PM

"Mispronouncing something doesn't make it a different word."
~ Paradox

"Batman, Batman, Batman, I'm sick of hearing about how much better than me Batman is! We're practically the same! He's a disturbing loner, I'm a disturbing loner! He never gets laid, I never get laid! He has a questionable relationship with a minor in short pants, I... I've said too much."
~ Michael Pullmann

"Bert belongs to the Fuzzy Pink Lampshade of the Month club."
~ Deathstroke

"Sex education doesn't encourage people to have sex, having genitals encourages people to have sex."
~ Mike Smash!

"What a tiny elephant. I've never seen such a whimsical imperialist crusade before in my life."
~ Archyduke

"Once again, dating yourself dear...of course, you might as well...."
~ priestvyrce

"I was dissapointed when I first dropped acid because of the lack of Lucy's in the sky."
~ FunkyGreenJerusalem

"I completely and totally agree with Joe Rice.

**hands Satan his ice skates**"
~ Paradox

"Agreement. Link to previously-written thing tangential to the point in order to hype owner's blog.

Poor attempt at witty closure."
~ Ed Cunard

"Half the fun of taking a bath is playing Monster Island.

'And who's that, coming out of the dense foliage? It's Dongzilla! RAR!' "
~ Paul McEnery

"Does your weiner scream at an ear-shattering level when you have to pee?"
~ MacQuarrie

"5. Thin Lizzy 'Jailbreak'

A good song to play before some wild shit is about to go down. Like if I'm going to clean the bathroom or reorganize the bookshelf."
~ Grant

"I dunno. I'm not as big a fan of this whole post-Crisis CBR.
I remember the pre-Crisis CBR where there was a whole fambly of Pól Ruas. There was Pól Rua jr., Polly Rua, Poopy The Wonder Dog, Flingy the Poop-Chucking Cat, Uncle Stinky...
Not to mention Bizarro Pól. Sanitary humourless bastard.

And all the different colours of poop.

Turquoise Munky Poo would give me the hiccups.
Fuschia Munky Poo would give me amnesia.
Beige Munky Poo would render me sterile.

Not that anyone ever noticed.

~ Pól Rua

"killed the mood for the EVENING?? There would be no return engagements. Biting my nuts off is what I like to call a deal breaker."
~ kmeyers

"I've been eating loads of babies recently. As a Conservative, I recognise that it's quite common, but I really ought to stop."
~ BlairH

"kids theses days.... with you "ipods" and "down loads" .when i was a wee lad we had your "big blacks" , your" naked rayguns" , your "dinosaur jr.s, your "hoosker doos", your "birthday parties" , your "tom waits" your" mission of burmas " and your" napalm deaths" we didnt need any fancy "alternative" rockapaloosas or nuthin"
~ ultramandingo


Shocked and CHAGRINED!!

Shocked, chagrined, and appalled!!!

Those are the three things I am right now!!"
~ Brian Cronin

"I'm sorry if I seemed a little too harsh. I respect that you feel your culture is different and unique, but come, join us. We're a pretty cool group and our women have all their own teeth."
~ Dom Jigsaw

"Would I, could I with a stripper,
Would she, could she with my zipper.

Would I, could I with a ho,
I don't know, I'll think some mo."
~ Slam_Bradley

"Qualifiers are for schoolgirls and politicians who are afraid to say what they mean. I am brave and emboldened in my internent comic book rhetoric."
~ Hoss

"Apparently gas is over 5 bucks where I am at, though I haven't seen it personally. This half tank I currently have's gonna last me this entire damn weekend if I have to piss in it to keep it going."
~ Hiromi

"You're quickly becoming one of my fav posters, and not just because you have large breasts."
~ HomerJay

"Hey I gave shellhead 20 bucks for a belly rub the other day.. I had better."
~ tricksterpup

"The titty fairy did not visit me until I had children of my own."
~ Corrina

"I thought you were dead, or worse . . . boring!"
~ falcoria

"You can't protect freedom by taking it away."
~ Cei-U!

"I sure hope the black people are speaking slowly and using small words so President Monkey-Face will understand."
~ Dennis K

"Frightening? We're cute and cuddy, like a herd of tax-cutting My Little Ponies..."
~ Samurai

"It's like that cream they sell to re-tighten certain female parts to re-virginize them. I also hear there's an operation to put the hymen back on. That would be quite a anniversary gift

"It's out anniversary honey, you didn't forget did you?"
"Nope, not this year"
"Well here's my present look! I made re-virginized myself so you can take me like you've always thought you did!"
"Christ, all I got you were flowers"
~ Fabian

"I used to do it all the time, but I would never call the next day so I broke up with myself for being emotionally distant.

I miss Lefty."
~ rudy

"The heathen method of hanging paper backward forces right-thinking americans to have to resort to unnatural movements to dispense their T.P."
~ MacQuarrie

"Please. your list is full of contradictions. It's like getting Earth-1 heroes with the Earth-3 heroes (who happen to be Earth 1 villain counterparts) and expecting them to make a crossover in post-zero hour continuity without a plot device. It's so simple and just can not be!"
~ Fabian

"Is this going to be another one of those threads where everyone else but you is wrong for not getting what you were trying to say?"
~ StoneGold

"One of the advantages of being engaged/married is being able to give up on impressing people."
~ Joe Rice

"Please contain the discussion of Power-Girl's breast consistency to the "DC Universe Breasts" subforum.

~ NormanB

"quote from article - 'I'm not a prude, but I find this offensive.'

and I'm not homeless, I just don't have a home. Pfft."
~ Deskad

"I find it humorously ironic that this country has only one monopoly commission."
~ Nitmo

JeffreyWKramer: "I won a free dinner through one of those 'put your business card in the fishbowl' sort of drawings."
Typo Lad: "'Sir? You put your keys in by mistake!'

'Oh sorry, force of habit.'"

"I must say, the extent of the photo library on your computer is as impressive as it is disturbing."
~ crystalline green

"If I cross my fingers any tighter, I'm probably going to break my knuckles."
~ Monty Props

Brian Cronin
05-01-2014, 05:14 PM
11-18-2005 (PART I)

"The best way to describe the movie to me is,

Imagine getting a really amazing blowjob, and during it getting punched in the stomach."
~ Donald Stone

howyadoin: "Are you one of those alpha comic geek males? Because I have no self opinion; everything I say is just bandwagon-jumping."
Paul Newell: "I totally agree."

"It's Circuit Party Aquaman. He's going to be released in an action figure set with Fetish-Club Huntress and Skanky-whore Catwoman."
~ Tadhg Adams

"Alright. I now realize that CBR is probably not the best place to ask things like "Who'd want to have sex with someone who'd dress up as a superhero?"."
~ The Mirrorball Man

zogger2: "If we ever get human cloning figured out men actually won't be necessary, heheh, perhaps not even created."
HomerJay: "Then there will be a world full of jars that can't be opened, heavy objects that can't be lifted, and lawns that remain uncut."

"Ha! Well I don't care what you say. When I accidentally become a father I'm going to be proud of my psychotic disfunctional creature of the night!"
~ Asmith

MacQuarrie: "The Scarlet Witch has foiled our plans."
K'Nort: "I'm going to have to remember that one."
HomerJay: "I've always enjoyed 'The Alabama Crimson Tide has made another defensive stop.' "

"Theres a comic called Seriously Astonishing X-men??
Is that like a companion mag to No, Honest, This Is Pretty Good Spider-Man?"
~ Asmith

"Wouldn't it be much simpler to declare that the world's sexiest woman is Adobe Photoshop? Most women we see in magazines are computer-generated anyway."
~ The Mirrorball Man

Sanagi: "I hope the Dems don't run Hilary."
Rabid Trekkie: "Why not, everyone seemed to like her first two terms."

"Try this math problem out... which number is bigger? 90% of 127 million, or 90% of 300 million? Don't worry, it's not a trick question."
~ Shellhead

"You know... when your glib remarks are about something I disagree with, they generate hackles.

When I agree with them however, I feel the need to say 'ZING!'.

I have SUCH double-standards."

Dennis K: "Iron Maiden wants you for dead."
Slappy san: "Oooh...im shaking in my chainmail."

"I regret to inform you all that the OrangaTalex experiment failed miserably. the Trixpanzee had sex with him till he expired."
~ kmeyers

"You know what they say--straight is just a river in Egypt. Wait, no, that isn't right."
~ Ed Cunard

BlairH: "Mock the much maligned snacks all you want! They're tasty and can almost kill heads of state!"
Noah Johnson: "Well, sure, when they're backed up by a fifth of Maker's Mark. That's like saying Spider-Man could beat Captain Marvel if he gets to bring Galactus with him."

"Gaz, when Mr. Hand took Spicolli's pizza and gave it to the rest of the class, did you think he was being a dick?"
~ Dreadstar

"Well I remember my prom. There was this redheaded girl from the other side of the tracks that I was crazy about. We were best friends but I wanted it to be something more. She knew I was crazy about her, but she just saw me as a friend. Anyway, she started dating one of the really popular boys and it hurt me pretty bad. He was supposed to take her to prom, but kind of fucked her over at the last minute. She decided to go anyway and made this beautiful pink dress out of two dresses that she had. She thought she was going alone, but I surprised her by showing up at the prom as her date. I was dressed pretty cool. The popular guy saw her, however, and after talking to her for a while, I could tell that he would make her happy so I made her go with him. It was hard, but Elizabeth Shue was there to help ease my pain...oh shit, I'm sorry, that was Pretty in Pink."
~ Boldido

"Fuck you!!! What I say is God's word. My dick is bigger than your dick. It takes three licks to get to the tootsie roll center of a tootsie pop. Football is better than baseball. Redheads are freakier than blondes. Anchovies suck. Baked potatos are better than french fries and aliens are only giving us anal probes so we sound like idiots when we complain about abductions.

Enlightenment my boil covered ass!!!"
~ Boldido again

Slam_Bradley: "I'm in the middle of writing a Planning and Zoning decision. I've entered Hell."
K'Nort: "That would be more poignant if you weren't already in Idaho."

"I'm not sure if any would qualify as a crush though. I don't sit in my room writing our names around hearts, angels, and stuff.

Except Brian Cronin. I have a room full of his photos!!!"
~ i_mmmchocolate

"I played the sax in Jr. High, but you could fit what I know about being a musician in a upside down cowbell."
~ SteelTownr

Alan2099: "Listen, if I was making 8 million a year and my boss told em I had to star showing up dressed in a chicken costume, I'd do it.

There's always a downside and usually a dress code to just about any job you get."
Ed Cunard: "For $8 million a year, I'd blow the guy in the chicken suit."

"Kurt Busiek is not your monkey. He will not put on a little bow tie and bowler hat and dance for you.

Not unless you pay him extra."
~ Shades0077

"I had one metro moment with MattBib when I was angry that I forgot my special hair goop and I asked what Matt uses and he ended up using the same hair goop but he also didn't bring his. Then we had whiskey to be men again."
~ Fabian

Dreadstar: "Man, I've got to work on that predictability thing..."
K'Nort: "We knew you'd say that."

"I really think that a father owes it to his son to sit him down and say, 'Son, you owe it to any girl you date to be the darkest, most deviant chapter in her sexual history. You want to be the guy who causes her to shudder and smile at the same time whenever she thinks of you and to sigh wistfully when she thinks of the incompetent shmuck she's banging now. So here are a few pointers to start you on the way.' "
~ Boldido

"There is a vast gulf between 'Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound' and 'If you're not white, you'll be dead.' "
~ Michael Pullmann

Tages: "You're all going to Hell."
Spike-X: "If Hell is full of people who love having threesomes, count me in!"
Tages: "Threesomes do not equal the joy of moral temperance and self-denial.

On a different note entirely, I hate you all."

"Is it possible to be unaware of being terribly self-aware and having thin skin?"
~ Dreadstar

"Did you albescentize today? You know, woke up to your Classic Rock station, turned on your morning Wayne Brady show, ate your mayo sandwiches, put on khaki pants and blue shirt, and walk with a broken rhythm?"
~ Fabian

"I heard Giant Man and Tigra's love child was a big pussy."
~ Davideaux

"We should have a contest to write a new Austrailian anthem.

Here's my entry, chock full of my extensive knowledge of the nation's rich culture and wildlife:

Here in Austrailia, we've got Koalas,
We've got Koalas, here in Austrailia;
Here in Austrailia, we've funny accents,
We say, "G'day mate," here in Austrailia;
Here in Austrailia we play Didgeridoo,
And throw boomerangs at the Kangeroo;
Here in Austrailia, we've got Koalas,
We've got Koalas, here in Austrailia;
We've got Koalas in Austrailia;
Yes we do!"
~ Donald M.

Ronald Bryan: "I WILL write a 50,000 word novel in a month. But which to choose from, that's the question..."
StoneGold: "Write Fahrenheit 451, that was a really good one."

"Sometimes, when I remember conversations I've had on CBR, I can't make the distinction betwween you and Wesley.

Which is a shame, because you are slightly cooler than he is."
~ BlairH

"I thought we were wild when I was jailbait, but the new generation's got me singin' Cole Porter tunes in my head."
~ Ed Cunard

"First rule of Rainbow Parties is that you don't talk about Rainbow Parties.

Second rule of Rainbow Parties is: raise those colors high, baby!"
~ Guapo Méndez

Ronald Bryan: "It's like Dan Apodaca and BlairH had a child!"
Michael Pullmann: "Well, now I have a reason to drink in the morning."

"I think much of this comes down to females feeling more pressure than males to retain their virginity. Virginity's most commonly defined by vaginal intercourse.

They found a loophole to exploit. That loophole just happened to be an asshole."
~ west3man

Brian Cronin
05-01-2014, 05:14 PM
11-18-2005 (PART II)

"RUN ALEX!!! RUN! because you can't pedal away!"
~ kmeyers

"I'm a huge hater of SUVs, particularly when they are driven by young single women. Why the hell do you need a Yukon? You weight 100 pounds and have no children! What could you possibly need this for? To haul around your purse and tiny dressed-up dog?"
~ phoenixrising

MsSpring: "Nah, my lust is reserved for on particular geek around here."
BlairH: "Lucky guy must be 10 feet tall. Arms like tree runks. Eyes like fire, and a voice that can move mountians!"
Typo Lad: "Well, then we know it's not you..."

"My woman hates drinking liquor, but I can sneak it into mixes. And then when she gets drunk, she does all sort of crazy things.

Last week, she painted my fence."
~ Dom Jigsaw

"Wouldn't your favorite candy be your favorite no matter what you were wearing? It's not like I strip to my skivvies and suddenly think, 'I like Skittles better than Twizzlers now that there's wind on my dong.' "
~ Michael Pullmann

MsSpring: "I find I like Nerds better when I'm naked."
StoneGold: "Too easy to drop and roll into unfortunate cracks."
Ray_Rivard: "Having worked many a con, I can tell you the sound of multiple asthma inhalers all being operated at once sounds not unlike thunder."

"I'm guessing 'Surprise me' is the last thing a eunuch's gonna say."
~ west3man

MsSpring: "I'm only really good at two things.

One is cooking."
Spike-X: "The other is double entendres?"

"The one thing all Superman editors eventually discovered was that if you fly the flag of continuity too close to the (yellow) sun, you will get Byrned."
~ Lone Ranger

LegacyInfTy: "White = soulless."
Loren: "So that's why automatic doors don't work for me..."

"If I hadn't already posted my real plans now, I'd write something stupid like, 'I'm going to be doing traditional activities on Thanksgiving, like giving Native Americans smallpox.' "
~ StoneGold

"Were you around for the great 1983 Cabbage Patch Kids Christmas Massacre?

We buried a lot of good people that year."
~ Dreadstar

Taskmaster: "Fire can't solve everything."
zombie: "See, that's where you're wrong. Fire can even solve fire."

"Political correctness at work in our society once again! It makes me so angry I could strangle a Welshman!"
~ BlairH


~ Doug Strange on All-Star Superman

"Is it an American quintillion or a British Quintillion? Pedantic nerds need to know."
~ Tadhg Adams on All-Star Superman

"I may be a Claremont fan, but I'm not a retard."
~ mattbib

"Family values are in danger! The sanctity of religion is threatened on all sides! Klingons off the starboard bow!"
~ Sanagi

"Narcissism beats the heck out of "he made my hair fall out" as far as master-villain motivation."
~ JeffreyWKramer on All-Star Superman

Brian Cronin
05-01-2014, 05:15 PM
12-13-2005 (PART I)

"Here at the Deathstroke Information Services we strive to provide the finest in Polish death metal audio clips."
~ Deathstroke

"Do you have any actual documented evidence for this, or are you studying at the University Of Your Own Ass?"
~ Michael Pullmann

"Back when she had arms, Venus De Milo was 'raped' by a nobleman that snuck in afterhours. Tradition has it that a discolored spot on the marble near the 'groin' region was caused by the nobleman's jism."
~ fly on the wall

"Making a 14-year-old boy have an orgasm isn't proof of anything; 14-year-old boys come if you look at 'em crosseyed."
~ Noah Johnson

"I think I'm having a mental breakdown in a thread about penises. Someone shoot me."
~ StoneGold

"If I believed the movies I saw about what women want I'd bring an octopus that looked like Mel Gibson into bed during foreplay."
~ Fabian

Dr. Hfuhruhurr: "OK, so vote on Saturday or Sunday. Where's the problem now, smarty pantses?"
Dreadstar: "The media wouldn't allow it to go two days.

Gotta have a circus."
Ed Cunard: "Which is really odd, as circuses are usually three day engagements.


"I would hit it in a box,
I would hit it with a fox.

I would hit it in the rain,
I would hit it on a train.

I would hit it in a chair,
I would hit it anywhere!

I would have hit it as a teen,
I'd hit it now, and cause a scene."
~ Dreadstar

Sir Tim Drake: "Name two CBR posters who have been moderators at Alvaro's."
Doug Strange: "Lameoid and Traitorpants."

"And 'hit it' means SEX?! OH!!

I thought we were talking physical violence. I kept asking, why do you want to hit them?

Damn those rappers with all their hip slang."
~ Adluck666

"Oh boy, its the slippery slope.

I would like to take this opportunity to warn people against using their penis for anything but urinating. I say this while typing with my penis lodged firmly and painfully in a bear trap. How did my penis get in a bear trap you ask? Good question.

When I was a lad, all I used my penis for was urinating. I would pull it out briefly, urinate and put it right back in. Then one day, I took it out and played with it for a while. Well as you can imagine, I enjoyed that thoroughly, and that's when that pesky slippery slope started to creep its way into the picture. First, I would just play with my penis with my own hand, then the hand of some accomodating young lady was used. Then other parts of the young lady were used. I thought that if a young lady was this much fun, then how about other things lady related. (See? See the slippery slope? No? You will.)

First I tried a lady bug, but given the enormous size of my penis and the miniscule size of the lady bug, I found it to be unsatifying. So next I tried a ladyfinger. This was much more pleasant than the lady bug so of course I thought, "If this pastry is so damn sexy, what else would I like?"

Sure I tried the usual, crullers, jelly donuts, pecan rolls (those pecan rolls hurt like the dickens by the way). Then I tried a bear claw. Damn that bear claw was a freak!!! The slipperly slope kicked in again and I thought, "hmm, if a bear claw feels this good, what other bear related things would I enjoy?"

Suffice it to say that I am banned for life from the Toysrus stuffed animal section. I am also saddened to say that I am banned for life from the Lowry Park Zoo, but I do owe them my life for reasons I prefer not to go into on this forum. I just narrowly escaped a mob of angry football players from Chicago and had to flee into the woods to save my life. While there, I came upon a bear trap and you can guess the rest.

The point of all of this is that as Screwtape so correctly pointed out, there is nothing more real, nothing more dangerous, than the slippery slope.

By the way, does anyone here know how to open a bear trap?"
~ Boldido

"Then i'll spend [my birthday] the way stonegold spends his weekend nights.
Crying in my room while half heartedly masturbating to my own posts."
~ Alex

"I've got no problem whatsoever with people of faith. My problem is with people who would, for any reason, deny other people their human rights. I don't give a damn about your motivations. I don't care if Jesus or Buddha or the Tooth Fairy or Ayn Rand or Ernest P. Worrell told you it's okay. I don't care if you meditated on a mountaintop for a decade before coming to the conclusion that you had to strip other people of their rights. Nothing makes it okay. Don't hide behind your religion as though it justifies human rights abuse. Nothing does that."
~ Noah Johnson

Royal: "Goat's milk is good."
Charles RB: "...do you have taste buds?"
Typo Lad: "The trick is to milk the nanny goat, not the billy."

"What a peculiar world you live in, where you believe there actually are 'enemies of capitalism'."
~ Paul McEnery

"That's one of those religion things isn't it? Damn, I'm glad I gave religion up for Lent."
~ Slam_Bradley

"Is that the New Warriors guest appearance entitled, "I, Warrior"?

When Speedball learns that the girl in the subway is a Morlock, I just lost it."
~ PatrickG

"This war gets more total reboots than the Legion of Super Heroes."
~ Mike Smash!

Dreadstar: "Yeah, like I'm going to want to listen to a lead-in to the top story from someone going through a mood-swing.

'Police have ascertained that the crack house was used and then neglected, in the same manner of neglect as from EVERY MALE WHO FINALLY GETS WHAT HE WANTS.' "
PatrickG: "This is what some network needs to dethrone Fox News and simultaneously take the "Fair and Balanced" label.

Anchors who are bipolar, schizoid and very sensitive.

'The president did an excellent job in diffusing the unwarranted attacks on his Iraq policy today. I can relate since I've had a number of unwarranted attacks ON MY CROTCH! Everybody wants to hit me in crotch. Well, Bob Saget can go screw himself 'cause he's not getting the video and neither is the CIA despite the hidden cameras in my house. You can't have the satisfaction of ATTACKING MY MANHOOD, Mr. President! BITE ME! BITE ME! ...Back to you, Lisa.' "

"90 meters is about 100 yards. That's pretty much the maximum range at which I can kill a man."
~ MacQuarrie

"It's a little known fact that Microsoft XP includes a Smoke Signal feature for alerting customer service to potential problems should the internet connection be down.

Just wait four week and Microsft will be sending out a repairman to finish wrecking your computer.

Microsoft XP: Innovating Total System Failure since 2003!"
~ Donald M.

"The Steelers are the 'Gentleman Crack Smokers' of the NFL."
~ SteelTownr

"I honestly can't remember the last time I had Irish whiskey*.

*It was 2 weeks ago. I just can't remember it."
~ Dreadstar

"I hope you're happy because now I'm crying.



BYE FOREVER!!!!!!!!!

See you guys tomorrow!"
~ i_mmmchocolate

"This thread will go down in history as the first instance in the English language where a sentence containing the phrase 'Hooters and Narnia' was first put to electronic form."
~ Tages

"Gilda's a goddamn Egg Jedi, if you ask me."
~ Dr. Hfuhruhurr

"Oh, man. I bet Cronin feels dumb now. 'Jack Davis' inDEED. Wow. WHAT A GAFFE! Social blunder of the year!"
~ Joe Rice

"Does Shania's new perfume really make you smell like Mutt Lange's been laying on top of you for an hour? Just asking."
~ Dennis K

nervmeister: "I believe that masturbation is the key to enlightenment and self-actualization."
Iangould: "You need to spend some time behind the counter at a comic shop."

"If you want to stir shit up just to get a reaction, go kick a dog in the testicles or something."
~ Brian Cronin

"No one's trying to write bigotry into the Constitution because of the powerful athiest voting bloc."
~ phoenixrising

Sabrinaset: "When are we going to have a medical thread around here where I can be the expert!"
Iangould: "I think Ann Coulter looks like an anorexic, crossdressing male crack whore, is there any way to confirm this diagnosis?"

"You read your porn? You must be poor."
~ Fabian

Brian Cronin
05-01-2014, 05:16 PM
12-13-2005 (PART II)

"Kicking dogs in the testicles... tips and tricks.

Any dog with a head bigger than yours should not be kicked in the nuts. Reciprocation is a bitch, especially if the bitch is actually a sire you just beanbagged.

Any dog wearing a sweater is fair game.

Any dog with styled hair is fair game.

Points for kicking a weiner dog in the nuts, based on irony, and skill for making the small target between those tiny, nervous legs.

When kicking poodles in the nuts, try to string together combos, using strong upwards hits to keep the animal in the air while you continue attacking. Like hackeysack, without the 'being a flake' thing."
~ CoffeeStained

"The only reason you people connect with DUNE so much is the drug use metaphors with the Spice. Which frankly is pathetic, but then after meeting so many CBRians in person who want to do nothing but get drunk or stoned, I guess I really shouldn't be surprised."
~ Bright-Raven

"Wait a minute. You're not honestly considering taking the critiques offered by a group of comic book geeks seriously are you? I mean, sure, we can tell you how many different guys have been Captain America, but our collective dating knowledge couldn't fill Ant Man's helmet."
~ Dr. Hfuhruhurr

Paul McEnery: "America's so-called Christianity is just an excuse to be authoritarian dicks who want to hurt people to take the edge off."
Michael Pullmann: "He's just getting that now."

nervmeister: "Seriously though, if I came across a gay male couple, I wouldn't be nervous."
phoenixrising: "Well, no one is by the time they get to that point."

Brian Cronin
05-01-2014, 05:16 PM

"The question is 'would you pay for coffee that come's from an animal's butt?'
Most responses are negative and yet, many of us actually do pay for comics that come right out of a writer's ass."
~ Spackling Compound

"teeheehee. now where did my panties go?"
~ Nathan Carroll

"Everytime I masturbate, God kills an inker."
~ the4thpip

"You are the Rita Hayworth of our discontent."
~ Pól Rua

"One thing Blair should watch out for: as a Garth Ennis protagonist, Tulip is required to have a huge dick. You might want to make sure it's one of the metaphorical ones."
~ Noah Johnson

Weetomuncher: "Is Dan Slott's Thing worth picking up and having a look at?"
thehod: "If that aint a line for the "out of context digest thread" on the Comm board, I don't know what is."
the4thpip: "Almost as good as Rob Liefeld's 6 inch Shaft.

And yeah, grab his Thing already. I get a lot of enjoyment out of his Thing."
Dan_Slott: "Sure hope Ma and Pa don't see this..."
Gail Simone: "I'll plug Dan's Thing here, too. When it comes to humor and fun, no one can touch Dan's Thing."
Tom: "Just don't put Dan Slott's Thing in your mouth.

It gets soggy and it tastes terrible."
Ian Boothby: "Dan's Thing reminds me of when I was younger and would enjoy the old Two In One if you know what I mean."
EdContradictory: "Mark my words: some day Dan Slott's Thing will be huge."
Gail Simone: "Wouldn't it be great if Kurt Busiek had a new book and called it, 'Kurt Busiek's WEINER'?"
Kurt Busiek: "... it's no JUGHEAD'S EAT-OUT COMIC BOOK MAGAZINE, but it'll do..."
TCJohnson: "I don't mean to embarrass you or anything, but make sure you capatalize Dan Slott's Thing. If you don't it makes it look like you are talking about his penis."

"Hey, let's run down to the drug store to have a phosphate. Maybe we can go to the moving pictures later."
~ Dr. Hfuhruhurr

"it's not as confusing a question as how Goofy and Pluto can both be gods, yet one is a person and the other a pet."
~ Donald M.

"make sure to rinse the woman parts!

ya never know if the date might have a 'happy ending' "
~ bert

"Checkers is for children with mental problems."
~ Brian Cronin

"Nothing like snorting a rail of coffee for that morning kick."
~ Lubichev

"Yes, ...yes I am freakin Whitney Houston. Now get me some crack, or I will sick Bobby on you."
~ wader0069

StoneGold: "Enough with the emo bullshit. Suck it up and take it like a man!"
Blessed_Nightmare: "Ewww your not gonna take off your pants are you?"

"Boxers ....

Because I don't mind .... hold on a sec, strike that .... I ENJOY adjusting my balls.

That's right, I said it.

Every year for my birthday I hope that I'll get an extra nut and a couple more fingers, but alas, it's not to be."
~ JolietJake

Sir Tim Drake: "What are you, the wolf that cried wolf?"
Fenris: "Nowadays, the preferred term is lobbyist."

"If you want to be a two faced cheapskate, you get to put up with people treating you like a two faced cheapskate."
~ FunkyGreenJerusalem

"Anyway, congrats to Mssrs. Thick and Thin, or Rocket Man & Tiny Dancer or whatever you want to call them."
~ Doug Strange

"When I go out to eat that's what I want to do, eat. I dont want a tiny reproducution of the Taj Mahal done in mashed potatoes and alfalfa sprouts!"
~ Rachel Grey

"Man, how did this thread turn from a discussion of casual lesbianism to 'who's uglier?'

No wonder the women are all fucking each other."
~ StoneGold

"nothing says 'direct approach' like a live chicken with a lit M-80 in it's rectum."
~ Mr. Manifesto

"Ahhhh melodrama, the first refuge of the low self-esteemed."
~ Typo Lad

"Dude, we're about as complicated as a pair of scissors. If you can't figure out how to work the gear, I'd be worried."
~ Gaz on the topic of men

"You're a very strange man/woman."
~ Dom Jigsaw

"Once you add the unavailable daddy into the picture it becomes complete. You are attractive because you are unavailable and she is reliving a very old battle she could never win with daddy but maybe can win with you because with you she can use her sexuality as a weapon.

I now retire at the peak of my analitical career in charting the unknown regions of man's relationship with woman, and return gratefully to a gentle life of smoking puff, drawing comics and scratching myself."
~ Greg Blackman

Brian Cronin
05-01-2014, 05:17 PM

"I stand nearly six feet and Dr. H's legs are so long, they brushed me under the table several times in a non-sexual way!"
~ SteelTownr

"Play to lose?


Fabian should excel at that version. He has plenty of practice losing."
~ Brian Cronin

"It's threads that begin like this that confirm why some of us don't use our real names.
That and the soon devolution into talking about gay sex interupted by bad breath or something to do with Jesus."
~ Spackling Compound

"Spock: Captain. The phasers are offline, and photon torpedos are out. We have no weapons.

Kirk: Dammit. There must. be something. that we can. use to penetrate. that Klingon ships. hull."
~ thehod

Justin Davis: "I've said it before, and I'll say it again. Fluffernutter is disgusting. Mainly because I hate marshmallow fluff."
MacQuarrie: "I've said it before and I'll say it again, you only feel that way because you can't deep-fry it."

"Anyone who values their freedoms should be VERY concerned about the practice of "tacking on extra charges" for the heck of it."
~ Calybos

"Infantino was a 'Comic Mob Boss'? Man, I always wanted to be a 'Made Fan'. You know Tony, a comicbook is alot like a family, and you don't disrespect family. So when I tells ya, dis guy needs to be inked, you ink him. Got it? So how come you guys don't buy our comics? You think yous bedder den our comics? Is that it? You think you can find somethin' bedder? Nice little newsstand you got here, nice and flamable. Break his legs, boys."
~ dr_cyclops

"Just because it's from the 80s, doesn't mean it's good."
~ Spike-X

I'm still signing the Year of the Goat on my checks!"
~ BoosterBronze

"If a chick is by herself, does she have to call a friend over to go to the bathroom?"
~ Alex

Brian Cronin: "Man, my freshman year in college, I ate soooo little."
kmeyers: "my freshman year in college was the opposite, I drank sooooo much."

"Would Van Gogh have starved his whole life if he could get some Lexapro and a good job doing graphic design?"
~ Hoss

"I think grammar is crying somewhere right now."
~ Guts/Batman

Bloopinator: "I almost left the fight because I remembered that the principle told everyone that if we watch the fights we'll get suspended if we're seen because there are cameras. But the cameras suck anyway so I'm not afraid. But the fight was awesome! TheLoser is really a loser as Buttmunch's arm is still healing from when he got it broken. BUT THE FIGHT WAS AWESOME!!! It was awesome when Buttmunch slammed TheLoser. Good times, good times"
thehod: "Ladies and Gentlemen.

I give you. The future President of the United States."

"Would you like fries with that persecution complex?"
~ Gail Simone

"Her biological clock was ticking.

Unfortunately it was a cuckoo clock."
~ Slam_Bradley

Adam Crocker: "The threat of Simply Red as a disciplinary tool never fails to succeed."
BigJayStudd: "If you don't know Simply Red by now, you will never, ever, ever, know them. No, you won't."

"I didn't get broadband. I still use dial-up. I leave the porn downloading every night before I go to bed and when I wake up it's the porn fairy came to my harddrive."
~ Fabian

Sir Edward: "I remember wanting to be a mad scientist but it never panned out for me."
zombie: "Was it the science or the madness that gave you problems?"

"If there was a 'shoot your pistoleros into the air' emoticon, this would be a good time for it."
~ Joe Rice

"Ms. Simone, who wins in a fight, Batman or Captain America?

I will hate you forever if you are wrong."
~ ThomasGuy

"The Jews are working, along with the Illuminati, with the Council on Foreign Relations alongside the Trilateral Commision through Dr. Henry Kissinger in controlling the Pacifica Network in order to affect key members of Haliburton by which the Bush Administration issues key codewords to the New York Times to order select members of the Masonic Order to orient members of The Green Party and its affiliates in Scientology to spread key stories in the Main Stream Media so that others who listen in the United Nations can assume control when the time comes.

Remember, you heard it here first."
~ Sabrinaset

"Congratulations. You have officially provided the least helpful post in the universe."
~ Paul McEnery

Forefinger: "Last night I cooked for the first time in God knows when. My wife really appreciated it.....I mean 'really appreciated' if you know what I mean."
Tadhg Adams: "You mean she did the dishes?"

"Dragula by Rob Zombie gets me pumped up to play some Barbie Horse Adventurers."
~ Cotton

"oh say does that star spangled banner yet wave
for the land that has been seized.. and the home that's taken away."
~ Night

"Wine in a box is good for making Sangria. Which will keep the chicks from whining while the men drink real liquor."
~ Slam_Bradley

"Imagine a road-show production of 'The Royal Tannenbaums' performed by the cast of 'My Name is Earl.' That's my family."
~ MacQuarrie

"For those outside the Christian subculture, whenever someone loudly declares themselves a Christian, it's too often a sign that they're about to ask for money, ban something, burn something, attack the Constitution, or form a terrible band. Yes, this is a minority of Christians, but you have to realize that they're the ones everyone else notices, because they're the ones who can't shut up about how Christian they are."
~ Noah Johnson

"Greasy food is my anus's worst enemy."
~ nervmeister

"I find it most interesting that it appears that the first call to the White House after the incident went to Rove, not Bush.

I can just see it: 'Hello, this is the President.' 'George, put down the phone and go get Karl. I'm in a shitstorm here so go back to your Legos and get Rove ASAFP.' "
~ Ray_Rivard

"I'm still trying to figure how voting to restrict other people's civil rights because the guy you're voting for also says he'll lower your taxes is an act of heroism."
~ Michael Pullmann

"I love the smell of Xenophobia in the morning."
~ Tadhg Adams

"I hate ketchup on my sandwiches. Whenever a sandwich has ketchup on it, I won't read it.

Eat it, I mean."
~ Doug Strange

"My upstairs neighbour has a sound clip of a lady climaxing when it rings. Really annoying.
Though it was intriguing before we realised it was a phone."
~ FunkyGreenJerusalem

"Leila, the Falcon's girlfriend back in the early-mid seventies, didn't have a surname that I recall, but she sure didn't take no honky jive."
~ B Smith

"Makers Mark.

It tastes much better than AQUA VELVA."
~ tricksterpup

"When a little person and Retard get together everybody is a winner."

"I'm surprised the republicans aren't more pissed at Cheney for this, cause remember how furious they were when Clinton shot someone in the face?"
~ Clement

"I let celebrities dictate my style. Always have.

I Flock of Seagulled in the Mid 80's
Got down with my hammer pants in the late 80's
Wore my Cobain cartigan in the early 90's
Became a straight up O.G in the late 90's
And now it's all about being Metro.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go get my eyebrows waxed."
~ BigJayStudd

"Who cares about larger cultural relevance? When you turn it up loud enough, everything's relevant."
~ Jonathan Bogart

"My disbelief was naughty, so I suspended it."
~ Azrael52

"Hyperbole on the Internet is worse than Hitler."
~ Crash-Man

"When I ride through the countryside of medieval France, I do it to the pulsing beat of the Alan Parsons Project!"
~ leonaozaki

"Don't be simple just because you're on the internet."
~ Leslie Lee III

"Man, you guys need to leave the cloister from time to time."
~ Spackling Compound

"Our popular culture embodies the best of Puritan values -- sexuality is something to be afraid of, so we'll just give enough of a taste so you keep watching."
~ Ray_Rivard

Brian Cronin
05-01-2014, 05:18 PM

"C'mon, if your name is Pretty McCutiepie, you're bound to have people comment on your physical features. It's one of the reasons I don't go by Genius Bigschlong."
~ Justin Davis

"Ultimates is NOT the real Marvel Universe! It's just a big, dumb lizard dressed like Marvel."
~ tangentman

"Mrs Hod'll just have to quench her thirst with wine.

Which won't be a massive change, it has to be said."
~ thehod

west3man: "Right now folks are looking at you the way they used to look at me when I'd ask 'the wrong' questions in Sunday School."
Chevan: "Well, tell those people to turn their webcams on! I can't see them over the internet."

"Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night."
~ Necktie

Jeff Brady: "Another question for the ages:

Who's the black private dick who's a sex machine to all the chicks?"
Kyuubi: "Uhhh... Matlock?"
Jeff Brady: "I was thinking Perry Mason, but sure, Matlock works."

"My husband did not break my computer. I only feel sorry for him because he married bipolar crazy girl. I should have married Fly On The Wall. Clearly he hasn't suffered enough."
~ bipolar danger girl

"as the swallows return to Capistrano, so do the nerdlings return to Boulder Creek."
~ Puma

"First you're talking about Garth Ennis' penis, now you're all up on Green Arrow's jock, you're showing a different side of yourself today."
~ StoneGold

"Chris Claremont and George Perez would be such an affront to the senses on every level, I might have an anuerysm."
~ Kid Omega

JeffreyWKramer: "think when Chuck Austen and Rob Liefeld team up to do a comic, that will bring about the end of the world."
tricksterpup: "I agree, if you reread Revelations, it does make mention of this."

"The booty shakers shall inherit the earth!"
~ Greg Blackman

"BFrank, please allow me to 'be frank'."
~ hulahulk

Fabian: "I hope I don't go bald. I would look bad with a bald head. It's a lose lose...I could go blind thanks to my mother's side or be bald thanks to my father's."
Boolean: "The good news is, you could go bald and blind. That way you'd look like crap, but you couldn't see it!"

"i feel that the real issue with comics lies in their portrayal of robots. why are robots so serious? why are most of the notable ones white hats?
they're robots, for chrissakes. they should have spinning death lasers, rocket-powered fists, inexpicably poor grammar, and a desire to eat people. sure, they require no sustenance and thus no need to eat anything, much less people, but they can do whatever they want because they're ROBOTS! anyone who has a problem with that, they can just eat."
~ captain gloves

Sabrinaset: "You know, Gail, if I weren't so busy on my knees servicing my professors so I could keep my grades up, I'd be really angry at the way Tate treats you!"
Super Sonic: "Do you have a website or anything?"

"Jessica Simpson annoys me more than George Bush. Sure, she's just a vacuous pop star, while he's Satan incarnate (or at least not very good of a President), but still, she does. It has nothing to do with this, even. At least Bush doesn't expect me to care about him just because he's got a nice body and wears Daisy Duke's shorts. I mean, he does, and you can't deny him that. Guy works out. He's a shitty President, but man, what an ass! What was I talking about?"
~ Brad Curran

"Honestly, I am a total manbabe. A glow of perpetual radiance surrounds me at all times, and has incresed in strength in recent years so that these days I cannot sit in a public place without being surrounded by a host of adoring woodland animals, like a sort of male Snow White."
~ Greg Blackman

"What, none of you got your free pudding when you saw Brokeback Mountain?"
~ Fabian

Spike-X: "Come on, Jonathan. You know how much Crocker hates writing about music."
Adam Crocker: "Yeah! Writing about music is gay!"

"Much like an unopened coke can, my fizz for you is eternal."
~ Wesley Dodds

lonesomefool: "I think people look back at their youth as idyllic because they had the chances to experience so many things and had little to no responsibility."
Cam63: "I'm sorry I saw Flashdance."

"Tell me the restaurant you work at and I'll be sure to ask for your table. I'll tip at least 50% so you can buy a sense of humor."
~ Boldido

"I thought "feti" was a Greek cheese."
~ Ray_Rivard

Gail: "Anyone seen a GOOD thriller lately?"
Night Swordsman: "I watched 30 seconds of the Spongebob Squarepants movie.

I was thrilled to turn the channel.

Does that count?"

"I wish I knew how to quit you, Slam Bradley..."
~ Ray_Rivard

"If you are "Having a Bad Day" stop in for a large bowl of "Fuck You" Soup."
~ SteelTownr

StoneGold: "My left knee. Not what it used to be."
Dan Apodaca: "That's my bad one, too. We should get a super-powered potato-sack and run in circles, fighting crime within a five-foot radius."

"Asmith almost got a harrasment complaint because he corrected an american co-worker on that.
Everytime she said em-oo he said 'Emu' and she thought he was making fun of her, so she complained.
They took it very seriously until they found out what the harrasment actually was (he'd corrected her on other words as well).
Apparently when the boss told her 'actually, he's right there' she screamed at him, and was soon after given time off to get over being crazy."
~ FunkyGreenJerusalem

"Now that's just sad. It's Brisbane. The way Americans say it it sounds like Bane's not only going to break Batman's back, he's going to chop off his foreskin."
~ Wesley Dodds

"Frankly, I'm a bit worried, because god knows kids need a name like 'Milo Manara' to Google if they're looking for porn.

It's tough to find porno on the Internet if you're not specifically looking for it, y'know. Hidden nuggets, I calls 'em."
~ Ray_Rivard

"Everything Metal is, Sabbath is. That's definitive."
~ Neil

"You had me at trebuchet."
~ Pól Rua

"I will maintain a constant vigil for stateside Emu Masturbation opportunities."
~ Greg Blackman

"Ah, I can see by the four hands on the two clocks, it's booze o'clock."
~ Pól Rua

Phrozen: "Nothing would destroy civilization more then losing 9/10ths of the population."
Michael Pullmann: "What about losing 10/10?"
Phrozen: "That would suck too."

"Why do we celebrate St. Patrick's Day, have Oktoberfest celebrations and have celebrations of Chinese New Year in bigger cities? Being an American doesn't preclude identification with your ethnic origins."
~ Slam_Bradley

"Jesus, the blazing four-wheeled cuntitude of some people."
~ Greg Blackman

"Why are we still griping out this? Nubly is permabanned. The threat is over. Go back to your homes."
~ StoneGold

"Porn does not make you un-smart! That is crasy tak."
~ Typo Lad

"Pennsylvania? That kind of sounds like Penis. University of Penis. Heh."
~ StoneGold

"Double post edit

since I have this space, I'll share the fact that I like cheese with everyone. So, everyone, I like cheese. Thank you, that is all."
~ Forefinger

"If you don't have something nice to say...

...say it in Rita's."
~ mattbib

"The last time I bothered to wear makeup I got called Sir by a sales clerk."
~ Jayna

Ray_Rivard: "Old McDonald v. Ferdinand......where bullshit literally equals evidence of criminal trespass......nothing beats a literal example..."
Slam_Bradley: "The real problem is that the bull is getting in with the guys cows and breeding with them. Shouldn't be happening this time of year. And there are breed differences that factor in to it.

I'm pretty sure that Ferdinand never tried to breed with Old McDonald."
Ray_Rivard: "Oh, so it's a seminal case."
Slam_Bradley: "It will be once I take it to the S'perm Court."

"Every day I wake up thankful that the toughest decision that I'll have to make is whether I want to eat burritos or hot pockets for lunch."
~ Xero Kaiser

"I miss out on so much when I'm at work. Why do I even go there?"
~ Forefinger

Brian Cronin
05-01-2014, 05:18 PM
5-12-2006 Special 10th Anniversary Edition with just quotes from the pre-vBulletin days (PART I)

"Mad Dog 20/20 is only good for rolling One-Eyed Alice behind the Sav-Mor."
~ Dreadstar

"There is something about a laundry hamper full of kittens that warms a family even more than being doused with hot piss."
~ fly on the wall

"The machines!

Curse them! They that have captured my candybar, hanging Fay Wray-style by a plastic corner as my money jingles inside."
~ klemptor

"Friends come and go, as do relationships but if you build a solid foundation with alcohol it can be a union that will last a lifetime."
~ Asmith

"Thats because we are at our best, when we are at our worst. I might even quote myself on it."
~ Alex

"I am furious and flabbergasted. I went to the store today and found they were selling boxes of a snack foods called 'Cracker' Jacks, Cheese 'Nips' and 'Ju' 'Ju' Bees. I want the store closed, the manager fired and the stock boy summarily executed."
~ Boldido

"and what instrument did you play at band camp?

(please say flute, please say flute, please say flute, please......)"
~ tranceptor

"Legolady you suffer from a common problem on message boards called the delusion of fellowship or ‘Imaginary Friend’ syndrome. You have never met Doug Strange. You wouldn’t know him if he walked right by you on the street. Doug Strange is no more your friend than newspaper columnist Robert Novak."
~ fly on the wall

"You're married to the headless .. uhm...... fancy man!"
~ DarkBlade

"Capitalism is the exploitation of man by man, while communism is the opposite."
~ Roquefort Raider

"The bestiality, on the other hand, was... interesting."
~ Sir Tim Drake

"Good song.

We played it at one of my weddings."
~ rick d

"Some posters have been adjusting their avatars more often than a teenage boy adjusting his drawers as he walks by a nude beach. The Avatar represents YOU. Stop playing with yourself!"
~ fly on the wall

"Good night, sweet Fishstick, and flights of angelfish sing thee to thy rest."
~ WriterBoy

"If giving it to some dirty-faced orphan is what turns your crank, who are we to judge?"
~ edgore

"Alan Moore could be writing the further adventures of Captain Mar-Vell and his brother Kik-Arss and his sister Big-Norrgs and his bunny Eets-Beets, and I'd still be pissed off that a character as charming as the Big Red Cheese has no place in this world of comix wot we so love and cherish."
~ Pol Rua

"Justice doesn't suck."
~ Greg Hatcher

"Was it Kierkegaard or Jackie Gleason who said, "How sweet it is"?"
~ klemptor

edsmonkey: "And yes, midgets make EVERYTHING better!"
Trix: "They made my stew taste gamey. That's not better."

" 'Oh, Jeff! You should go to this dentist! They are so awesome! They gave me a real toothbrush, and everything!'

'A real toothbrush?' "
~ Slick

"WE had an interesting Thanksgiving... it was more of a "No Thanks" giving."
~ FlameStar

"A nice smile goes a long way, but a good smirk can last a lifetime."
~ Evil Sneak

"Feel the love! Hug your monitor!"
~ theLex

"Darlin', there's always time for Strip Chocolate!"
~ knightsky

"Cute lady trolls are called trollops."
~ MacQuarrie

"OzBat is going by his day job name too? What is it? Reginald Snivelingsworth?"
~ fly on the wall

"Any of you who included Lemon in your list need to re-evaluate what you look for in a candy."
~ Ponda

"Now that I'm done with this, I guess I'll have to go find something else to be an ass about."
~ Doug Strange

Brian Cronin
05-01-2014, 05:19 PM
5-12-2006 Special 10th Anniversary Edition with just quotes from the pre-vBulletin days (PART II)

"I used to work with this girl who had the hugest breasts...now I come to think of it that was pretty unrealistic for a woman to have big breasts in an office."
~ Captain_Video

"If Quarterwolf wins I'm off to Alvaro's forever even though it has been recently brought to my attention that the Alvaro's Community Message Board has been out of commission since last November."
~ fly on the wall

"Hot dang these are all good quotes. I wish to someday spout something irreverant but with a hint or truth and spoonfuls of humor to be in the cookbook of Team Digest."
~ Spider-Lantern

"Your 'schlosh' & Mel 'schlosh' can be totally different, but if it's the schlosh you know, it's the schlosh I be."
~ Royal

"Pretty soon, the National Hockey League will be comprised of cities that only see snow when it's shaken up in a globe."
~ ArchivalGrading

"The nasty one I WAS using was Aquafresh Extreme Clean. She was using Colgate Total with Whitening. Now we have switched because she apparently likes the taste of month-old chum with an orange stripe of radioactive forrest gnome shit."
~ Doug Strange

The Grand Beef: "I only found the Quote button a month or two ago."
Royal: "Congrats. We'll have you eating with a full dining set within the week."

juz: "aren't you being just a little pedantic there?"
Odin Son: "What, you don't like 15 year old girls?"

Slayven: "Anyway what is the deal with the increasing number of S&M references in comics now a days?"
Odin Son: "You mean in the highly visual books about big burly men and busty hard bodied women wearing leather and spandex suits and beating each other sensless in the middle of the night?

I'd say the industry finally got honest..."

Pol Rua: "What in the name of Prince Albert's Crown Jewels are you doing posting on the internet then, you big geek!?"
Paul Newell: "Bragging."
WriterBoy: "Well, enough with the bragging, and back to the shagging!"
Paul Newell: "I wonder it'll involve gagging?"
Greg Hatcher: "Only if the noise sets the neighbors to ragging."
Spike-X: "Disturbing the neighbours? That'll get tongues wagging!"
Paul Newell: "I hope they have decent ventilation, with all that moisture buildup his comics will need bagging and the roof could start sagging."
Greg Hatcher: "Or maybe...


...damn it. My gift for rhyme is flagging."
Paul Newell: "C'mon Greg, keep up! You're really lagging."
13th: "Six month marriage and still no nagging?"
DonC: "I would also post my congratulations only I can't think of an "agging" rhyme. I just suck."
Paul Newell: "Trying to think of something sent your thoughts zig-zagging?"
Pol Rua: "Has fly responded to this one, or is he still pig-tagging?"

"Fly, if you say something I can understand, I'll be very, very disapointed."
~ Gail

fly on the wall: "First you'll have to butter me up a little."
Maniacle Mike: "Oh thats it mister! Now you're toast!!"
Richard Onley: "I'd like to contribute, but I guess I lactose pun-making skills . . ."

"dirty nose-breathing surface dwelllers.....the mole people will one day rise and conquer all!"
~ kmeyers

"please, be gentle. I bruise like a peach."
~ warpedwonder

"And now it's time to say goodbye to Jed forever more
Because he's finally gone right through the final dying door
You're all invited back to grieve 'bout his mortality
And have a heapin' helpin' of my immorality

Bipolar that is
Take your shoes off
And throw them at me"
~ fly on the wall

Punchy: "I believe that the she's only slept with one guy about as much as I believe that hundred dollar bills are going to drop out of my ass."
Royal: "*hides in Punchy's Septic Tank*"

"Q: How many kids with ADD does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Let's go bike riding!"
~ WriterBoy

DonC: "You scare me sometimes, Bert."
bert: "Only sometimes?"

"I feel all warm and fuzzy...

actually, that could be the cat hair.
~ Cosmic Cat

~ Alex

"I know a single chicken who'd be all over your pecker!"
~ bipolar-danger-girl

falcy: "Is there anything bigger than a decathalon but not as commercial as the olympics?"
Greg Hatcher: "Marriage."

"And yet, because of my niceness (about which several Psalms are written), I tell Falcoria to date you - the one who truly (and by truly I mean "I have no idea, you are all imaginary people on a message board for god sakes") loves her."
~ edgore

"Do not mistake my whimsical tone and florid syntax for insincerity."
~ Pol Rua

Brian Cronin
05-01-2014, 05:20 PM
5-12-2006 Special 10th Anniversary Edition with just quotes from the pre-vBulletin days (PART III)

"Look at him trying to wriggle out of this. Like Oedipus' parents trying to evade the prophesy.

He brought this on himself with his honeyed words. Now he must live with the Demon he has conjured, and the Demon hungers for Cheese Steak."
~ fly on the wall

"Comm board can be cold and unforgiving unless you suck up to Joe Rice"
~ Slayven

"in the valley of the mullet, the air guitar champion is king."
~ Smell

"That 'sarcasm' you speak of so lightly, perchance it is the lifeblood that dost keep my legs mobile and heart a-beatin'!

Why, you might sooner ask a bird to stop it's glorious flight! Or an elephant to forget it's lifetime of elephanting!"
~ Kamandi

"my hand has no complaints


Im so lonely"

Smoogis: "I need mental help..."
Tranceptor Cat: "*Looks for a mallet*"

"I thought I could drive a standard because I played so much Pole Position as a kid.

I was wrong."
~ 13th

"we will talk in your secret lair later. (giggle, giggle)"
~ Greg's Girl

"Only the guy that wins the best poster contest gets to impregnate any of the female posters. So don't let anyone catch you trying to mount any of the female posters, and be judicious about any territorial urination you might do in the first six months."
~ fly on the wall

"Slayvenocity defies the Heisenberg uncertainty principle."
~ Slayven

juz: "You have slept in a bed with Michael Jackson now haven't you MarZom?"
MarZom: "I'm not at liberty to discuss this matter, now if you'll excuse me, my gold plated rocket car is waiting."

"G'day, mates!
i'll be floyin een ta Seedney t'noight.
i reckin i'll be theah on Froidaaey..."
~ Mr. Jip

"And as much as I would like to sit here and talk with Smoogie and stare at Slayven's breasts, I gotta go to work"
~ Hawk

Slam_Bradley: "I pay $450 a month for a 3 bedroom house on a double lot. How's that sound? "
ManchesterTrix: "It sounds like you live in Idaho."

"Marriage is risky at best, though. As I have posted on once or twice in the past. Nothing excessive."
~ fly on the wall

"Flat Top is a mole.
We'd better tell Mole about the mole in the web.
As a side note, tell The Web about the new changes in the web."
~ Alex

Typo Lad: "I can probably type with my feet at this point."
SteelTownr: "Maybe you should give it a try since it is obvious that you can't type with your hands."

"Hold your horses there, Cheeks. Didn't mean to make you bust out the capital letters."
~ Ruggedmonsta X

"Why did Jim Henson have to die?

Couldn't we have lost Pee Wee Herman instead or something?"
~ Tynne Fanel

"I'm just lucky Alex is here to provide an answer I completely disagree with."
~ CheeksTheToyWonder

"I drank with her hoping that my show of solidarity would break down her resistance and get her to realize what a swell guy I was.

Instead we vomited on the rose bushes together."
~ MacQuarrie

"Thank god Fly checks out that obscure right wing news website, CBS.com, for news that the liberal media doesn't carry..."
~ Odin Son

Alex: "Man want sex, women want food, use men."
ManchesterTrix: "Christ, you sound like a cave-man.

Men want sex, women want shoes."

"Ahem. I believe the word you're looking for is 'angsty'. Sort of 'cynicism-lite'.

'All the crabbiness...half the experience!'"
~ Paradox

Brian Cronin
05-01-2014, 05:20 PM
5-12-2006 Special 10th Anniversary Edition with just quotes from the pre-vBulletin days (PART IV )

On a related note, a bunch of fly's collected writings:

"Are the stars out tonight?
She don't know if they're cloudy or bright
Cause she only has eyes for Writer Boy--OOooo.

She posts here, so does he
Maybe dwarves swarm around them and pee
But she only has eyes for Writerboy--OOOooo"


"I pledge alliegance
To my M'Odd
Of the Community Board and pornography
And live vicariously
Through his antics
One M'Odd
physically impressive
With sex toys and fitness tips
For Everyone


Play ball"


"You can microscopically inspect
Every known aquarium
But you will never find the beast
That you have named 'planarium'

Of words that do not quite exist
I think you've broke that barrier
In future times the word to use
Would probably be planaria"


" 'Double your pleasure
Double your fun
I doubled my post
Not the size of my gun'

By gun I meant my phallus."


"Happy Birthday Jim Beard
Of you I never heared
You needn't be skeered
Of me 'cuz I'm weird"


To the tune of 'Hello Muddah, Hello Fadduh':

"Hello reader
of my comic
Letters like this
make me vomic

All your spelling
can't get worser
And I think your finger's
glued onto the cursor

You don't know if
you have reached me
You insult me
then beseech me

You thank God that
I am reading
Then you try to prove
your IQ is receding


You worked so hard
Just to find me
Then did nothing
But remind me

Comic books are
mostly drawings
and them that read 'em
themselves have been pawing


Now I don't want
This should scare ya
But a cricket
Could out stare ya

And remember
Thank your teacher
But I'd choke the bitch
If I could only reach her


Leave me alone, I hate your letter
Even you could have done better
Don't write me a single letter more
I'm sure, you're probably turning four

There's no point, to even read it,
In the snow, you could have peed it
Go spend time with Spawn and Wolverine
That's keen. Are you a human being?


Wait a minute
You paid money
For my comic
Thank you, sonny!

Please keep reading
I'm your debtor
Stupid jackass kindly
Disregard this letter"


To the tune of 'She Love You' by the Beatles:

"Your birthday
yeah yeah yeah
Your birthday
yeah yeah yeah
Your birthday
yeah yeah yeah YEAH

You think I missed your birth
Well I posted yesterday EEE A
About your expanding girth
And how some say you are gay EEE A

Now it's your birthday
And you know you should be glad
It's your birthday
Without meds I would be mad OOOOOOOO

Your birthday
yeah yeah yeah
Your birthday
yeah yeah yeah
With a birth like yours at least you weren't aborted
With a birth like yours at least you weren't....


yeah yeah yeah
yeah yeah yeah
yeah yeah yeah

I was in a hurry. So sue me."


"I think that I shall never spy
A billboard lovely as me, fly
But it would be like hearing music
To see a billboard of Kurt Busiek



"Promethea we once met
I'm sure you were impressed
I saw you check me out
With your eyes I was undressed

As you accomplished this feat
I cowered in maidenly fear
At how you unbuttoned my shirt
with your eyes but nary a tear

Happy Birthday!"


" 'I dreamed I saw Joe Rice last night
As drunk as you or me
Says I, 'But Joe you're three sheets gone'
Says Joe, I've got to pee
Says Joe, I've got to pee.

'My bathroom it is that way, Joe'
I pointed down the hall
'Use proper aim and also, Joe
Write nothing on the wall'
'Write nothing on the wall'

He stumbled down the hallway
I feared that he would puke
But later he walked slowly back
I gave him no rebuke
I gave him no rebuke

But when I went to use the John
The walls were marked up bad
' 'Tis Benes that draws kiddie porn
And let's all murder PAD
And let's all murder PAD'

'The comic bosses will kill you, Joe,
They'll shoot you, Joe,' says I.
'Unless my hands are on your first
Then sooner you will die.'
'Then sooner you will die.' "
~ fly on the wall


"That's Strife
On the Message Board
I thought of putting
All those hosebags on "Ignore"
But the way I scatter shot this room
It's what they hope that I'd do to'em

That's Strife
Funny as it may seem
Some posters get their kicks stompin' on my schemes
But it's them that seem the big retard
The way they're waggling the Special Interest card

I said a pirate or pauper with hands in the coffers shouldn't---run the thing
They whipped me up, down, over and out
And made me feel the sting
Every time a right wing thread gets posted in this place
They spin their PC lies to put the guy in disgrace

That's Strife
On the message board
They get to say that I'm out of my goard
But it's okay I don't get no slack
It's fun to beat 'em with a hand around my back.

I said a puppet, a pauper, a pirate,
A poet, a pawn or a king.
If they don't pay no taxes
they don't choose the tune to sing,
If your tender heart, to read this, causes it to break
Perhaps I've got some pills that you oughta take

That's Strife
On the message board
You say I said something that was so untoward
But the thing you never want to hear
Is if there's going to be a raise of price in beer

But the only thing you never want to hear...
Is if there's gonna...be...a raise of price...in beer"


"Slayven Slayven
Always misbehavin'
Slayven Slayven
Using Nair for shavin' "


to the tune of yellow rose of texas:

"Oh the Yellow rose of Goddess
Is a poster I don't know
Although it is her birthday
This confetti should I throw?

I'm not sure if I have met her
Or if she would say I suck
No the Yellow Rose of Goddess
Isn't someone I would f

(Oh dear. The little birthday poem was going along well and then suddenly took a nasty turn.)"


"I'd like to teach the world to sink
In pervert harmony
And fondle people where they're pink
until they smile at me"


"Up and at 'em Adam Rant
Put your leg inside your pant
Time to rise and shine and say,
"Hey you, World! It's my birthday!"

Cake and ice cream presents, too.
And they're all adressed to you!
Pretty ribbons, party hats
Party favors, stuff like that!

Up and at 'em Adam Rant!
Put your leg inside your pant!"

Brian Cronin
05-01-2014, 05:21 PM

"Elijah Craig is like Aphrodite's pussy juice in your mouth."
~ Joe Rice

"My heart is so crushed. Crushed like the ice in a smooth blended drink on a hot summer day."
~ Fabian

"You think many would have the balls to slam Lohan to her face?"

"Are you still in the closet? I came out the other day. I was in there looking for a shirt."
~ Forefinger

"I always drink beer with my pinkie out!"
~ Paul Newell

"Bad Pizza is like expecting a bj and getting shat on."
~ Typo Lad

"It's silly enough that fan-fic writers actually think they can write (an illusion enabled by the mutual masturbation society that is the internet fan-fic community) but for one of them to actually self-publish and attempt to sell their subliterate tripe . . ."
~ Donald M.

"Now, back to your regularly scheduled 'Yay! You got an iPod! vs. Ew I hate iPod!' discussion."
~ Larry Dixon

"I'm not going to get cock reduction surgery!!!!"
~ Forefinger

Nikita: "Another babe.

I bet you're beating off the girls left and right."
kmeyers: "Ideally, they'd be beating me off left and right."

"Divorce. It's kind of like anal rape, but without the intimacy and togetherness."
~ Ray_Rivard

"I live on the second floor, so no drive-bys for me."
~ Xero Kaiser

"The most famous legal case involving the borrowing of a song is probably George Harrison's "My Sweet Lord", which was ruled to have been based upon "He's So Fine" by the Chiffons (although, fortunately, he wasn't forced to change the title of his song to 'My Sweet Lord/He's So Fine')."
~ scratchie

"If we could just get rid of most of the people posting on the internet it would be fine."
~ Joe Rice

"I think you better check your pockets, you may have lost your subtlety."
~ Dreadstar

"Remember the tradition, when you lower the French Flag, raise a white one."
~ Winslow

"I don't like the Asian-small penis stereotype. Because I don't. No, really, I don't have a small penis.

~ Erebus

"This thread has been cleaned up for greater viewing pleasure."
~ Buried Alien

"You are the most wrongesty person ever!"
~ Alex

"I was in a dark depression, and seeing people make virtual brownies for each other only made me more suicidal."
~ Kid Omega

~ MrBlond

Joe Rice: "Women need a man that'll tell them what to do and to shut their traps when they get too gabby."
Ed Cunard: "Are you writing your own vows, Joe?"

"Loosing my inner asshole was so much fun it scared me shitless."
~ Cei-U!

"Just cause it's in the dictionary doesn't make you right!!!"
~ Mac Danny

"My flatmate came home early and caught me goofing on the luchadores.
I was so embarrassed!"
~ Pól Rua

"There must be just dozens of people worldwide who will find this exciting news."
~ Dennis K

" 'Night Thrasher'? How much does he charge?"
~ Screwtape

"The fetishization of virginity, whether motivated by religion or garden-variety psychosexual weirdness, is a stupid, stupid idea."
~ Noah Johnson

"I don't care if these people are Christians or Martians: This shit is crazy."
~ Lone Ranger

"It takes a moron to lead a moron down a moronic path."
~ Lubichev

"CBR is like a nerdy version of MySpace."
~ Mac Danny

"You know, for years I thought loading the dishwasher meant getting my wife drunk."
~ Captain_Marvel

"Is Locutus gonna have to assimilate a bitch?"
~ Dennis K by way of Forefinger

"Wesley Dodds
Wesley Dodds
Riding through the Glen
Little John
Little John
Shot him in the end
Thought he was a deer
Shot him in the rear!
Wesley Dodds
Wesley Dodds
Wesley Dodds"
~ fly on the wall

"My first rule of dating is: Don't let the wife find out!"
~ Harlock

"Even worse... it was part of a series where every Spidey book that month had some kind of wacky holo cover. The Spider-Armor was just the corn in the feces on that one."
~ StoneGold

"You were intimidating to me because I had seen you argue. You were a freight train of cold, hard logic dragging a jangly, happy caboose of dry wit. A bazooka of expostulation that fired bullets covered in ticklish feathers of laughter."
~ Jeff Slack

"You know a comic book is special when the art can be described as sub-Liefeldian."
~ Generic Eric

"Don't fear the pink. Love it. Embrace the pink and it will embrace you back."
~ Typo Lad

StoneGold: "What's the latest thing you've done to insure you won't get laid?"
Jeff Brady: "It seems all I have to do is breathe. The rest takes care of itself."
HomerJay: "Ever try a tic-tac?"

"Somewhere in America, there is a first-named Willie marrying a girl called Fanny, and the British wedding guests are the only ones who can't keep a straight face during the ceremony."
~ Drew Van T.

"Why would I want to sound British, anyways? I'm not trying to have homosexual intercourse with anyone."
~ StoneGold

"I am Jack's inflamed sense of jealousy."
~ Forefinger

"Europe is a lot of fun, but so is getting laid."
~ Clayholio

"Irish Car Bombs are like delicious milk shakes of death."
~ Ronald Bryan

"Why do you not like observable facts? Were you abused by one as a child or something?"
~ Noah Johnson

"Marlon Perkins: 'I will sit over here in the safety of my Land Rover as Jim subdues the wild Jew. Watch how he wrestles him into a safe position. Jews can be very dangerous, given potency of their language. But Jim is very experienced in handling them, and I don't expect any difficulties.' "
~ Dreadstar

"I woke up at 3:30 AM to use the Little Jews Room."
~ Typo Lad

"If you're gonna be a bigot, you shouldn't be surprised that some people aren't gonna like you. Some people might also assume you're a douchebag, since the overlap of the 'bigot' category into the 'douchebag' category is pretty high."
~ JeffreyWKramer

"Never invite two people over for a threesome if you're the worst lay in the group."
~ Dreadstar

Brian Cronin
05-01-2014, 05:21 PM

"Dammit, I'm an American and I want my instant gratification!!!"
~ Forefinger

"I thought Xenu was alive (and immortal) but chained under a mountain somewhere. But one day, he'll rise again and the shadow of his grasp will cover all of Middle Ear -- I mean the universe."
~ Mike Smash!

Mike Smash!: "Is there an official medical terminology for someone with no sexual feelings or urges whatsoever?"
Spike-X: " 'Wife'?"

"If gay people would start their own religion, another board would have to be started for that."
~ Forefinger

Lubichev: "So, what are you wearing?"
Dreadstar: "Old Spice"

"I am in extreme state of arrousal. Please to make sex all over my face!"
~ Ronald Bryan

Dr. Hfuhruhurr: "It's kind of hard to let my balls hang out when they're in my wife's purse."
Ray_Rivard: "Overworked paranoid insecure overly competitive type-A personalities one assignment away from a nervous breakdown tend not to be a lot of fun once the semen has dried."
Shellhead: "Supposedly porcupines need to urinate on each before sex to soften the quills. Attorneys are even more extreme that, metaphorically speaking."

"Is there such a thing as Kosher media exposure?"
~ Paradox

"Pedantic focus on the letter rather than the spirit of a given work is the hallmark of the worst sort of fanboy."
~ literally exaggerated

"Ah, yes, 6606, the number of the Beaost."
~ Sanagi

Dr. Hfuhruhurr: "I don't know about anyone else, but I feel like I'm playing "Clue" and I'm missing half of the pieces."
Dan Apodaca: "Sorry, I ate the rope."

"Your mom's on my pull list.....

Just kidding. It's actually your dad."
~ atoningunifex

"Let's take a moment to reflect on this.

South Africa had racism as an official government policy, and proudly announced this to the world, as recently as twenty years ago.

Either they've come a long way in an awful hurry, or we stopped to tie our shoe somewhere around 1994."
~ Michael Pullmann

"RealPlayer never called me nigger!"
~ west3man

"Try being coherent."
~ Mike Smash!

"Holy Carpet-Muncher, Batman!"
~ JeffreyWKramer

"You are the most 'Christian' pagan I know."
~ Winslow

"You're killing my thread!

Killing it!

And not softly with your touch either!"
~ Typo Lad

bfrank: "the first thing women notice are finger nails and kicks....both should be neat and clean...."
Josh S: "I'm married."

"One of the girls came up to me and asked where the girls balls were. I said what?"
~ Deathstroke

"what is a nympho!?"
~ Ullar

"If Giant Sized Man-Thing is wrong, I don't want to be right."
~ Grazzt

Dom Jigsaw: "I feel born again, baby."
Dr. Hfuhruhurr: "You mean, all shriveled up and covered in goo?"

"I'm the COTM and I deserve to know stuff!!!!"
~ Forefinger

"Jinxed again. I owe you some Snark-brand cola."
~ Ed Cunard

"If Stonegold anally raped my grandmother, I'd be pissed, but if he did it wearing an Eros costume and giving her a superboy prime retro donkey punch. . .well I forgot where I was going with this. Grandma sucks."
~ Fabian

"I don't know whats going on with me. Am I growing up, or just becoming an asshole?"
~ Forefinger

"Whenever a young person on a computer wants to know why macaroni and cheese is called Kraft Dinner... I'll be there.

Wherever people want to answer questions like you would in the mall... I'll be there.

Wherever freedom to pick from a list of preferred condiment choices and sexual positions isn't offered to you... I'll be there."
~ Mac Danny

Boldido: "If any of you have been to the Caymans I would appreciate any advice, especially for ways I can make it more special for my wife."
Ed Cunard: "Let her finish first?"

"Did you just compare 'Cars' to the autobiography of a genocidal fascist dictator and the holy books of the world's two largest religions? Wow."
~ Zengei

"Namor has to yell out 'Imperius REX!' while climaxing inside aquaman."
~ Alex

"You're like a lawyer for cannibals."
~ fly on the wall

"I am the terrier that yaps in the night!"
~ west3man

"Earth-2 Dr. Hfuruhur (from the theory that spelling would simplify a la 'Dr. Mid-Nite') fought in WWII and has the magic-based power to become completely immobile in front of the radio. He retired briefly after the HCUA hearings in the 50s, when he refused to give the names of his Mystery Meat Men (except for Earth-2 Dom Jigsaw, whom he immediately threw under the bus). Just after he returned to active duty, he was accidentally trapped in a meat locker trying to 'borrow' another case of bratwurst and remained cryogentically frozen until the mid-70s, when he was mistaken for an obscene ice sculpture and wheeled out into the middle of a disco in Soho. He has joined the reprocessed Mystery Meat Men, and now fights alongside Dr. Carroll, Ray Rivard, Jr., Fred Cunard, howsitgoineh, Slam_Bradley II, Michelle Pullman, Winslower, Puman, west4man, Forehand, tricksterhound, as well as the aged and incontinent Dreadstar."
~ Dr. Hfuhruhurr

shadowraven: "What would you say the sex ratio is?"
Spike-X: "The more comics you buy, the less sex you're getting."

Brian Cronin
05-01-2014, 05:22 PM

"I might have this wrong, but are you saying that Liefeld isn't really all that bad but Picasso sucks?"
~ gary bolt

"Guy came in one night, had a bet with his friends. Ended up with his penis stuck in a coke bottle. The doctors decided they had to break it to get it off, and the guy gets upset. They can't figure out why, then they take a closer look.

Tattooed on his penis is a ship."
~ Rallura

"Rare is it that a post makes me want to both wince and applaud."
~ Dreadstar

Michael Pullmann: "My fucking arm hurts."
Dan Apodaca: "Tough being single, huh?"

"Ladies and gentlemen of the forum, I'm just a caveman. I fell on some ice and later got thawed out by some of your scientists. Your world frightens and confuses me! Sometimes the honking horns of your traffic make me want to get out of my BMW.. and run off into the hills, or wherever.. Sometimes when I get a message on my fax machine, I wonder: 'Did little demons get inside and type it?' I don't know! My primitive mind can't grasp these concepts. But there is one thing I do know - when I want images of girls dressed like superheroes, I shouldn't have to go and search for them myself--strangers should do the work for me. Thank you."
~ Ed Cunard

Larry Dixon: "I want to see more Comics Rage!


how's that?"
Cam63: "I almost put my beer down in fright!"

"Time to get my Essential FF and read about the first appearence of the Sapphic Surfer."
~ Sabrinaset

"People love big breasts........even if they are on Captain America."
~ Forefinger

"Does your friend really exist, or is it a 'hello Doctor Ruth, a friend of mine has a very small penis' kind of friend?"
~ The Mirrorball Man

Chris CCL: "Hope to all of your faces there."
Cei-U!: "I sure hope the missing verb in that sentence is 'see.' "

"We had the worst music CD ever playing in store today! It was this rap CD, but it was really lame, non-offensive/non-threatening stuff. Me and my manager were in heaps trying to "out rap" each-other by coming up with extremely lame non-offensive raps.

'I pay my taxes! I go to church!
I help the fuckin old ladies cross the street! YO!'

We have the lyrics written down somewhere. We called it 'Will Smith's commentaries on everyday situations.'

I'm slightly tipsy with alcohol."
~ BlairH

"I've got organic mouthwash. You would have to do some work for it though."
~ Forefinger

"I don't know what I'll be wearing. But I'll look good in it."
~ mattbib

"There's some comics that if they were written in three days I'd be horrified. Well, not really 'horrified' but internet horrified."
~ Joe Rice

"I hate ska more then Ann Coulter, The Phantom Menace and the new Spider-man costume combined."

Larry Dixon: "If you want a little red wagon to tool around in, I'll hook you up. We'll tubeframe you a blown, small block V-8 into custom snake pipes and a rock crusher tranny to feed the fastchange positraction diff. We'll put some fat Mickey Meats and tub the rear so there's room to bloom when you hammer that bitch down to the firewall."
Cam63: "Larry says he has a car."

"Every man has a 24-hour porno reel running on his mental desktop. Some guys just bring it full screen more often and some know better to keep the window minimized."
~ HomerJay

"Some Dicks are popping up that are unusual, but basically the majority are just your average run of the mill white dicks"
~ Puma

HomerJay: "Has anyone seen Nubly lately?
I miss his narcissistic take on modern life."
Michael Pullmann: "He was banned months ago. Jeff Brady threw a small celebration.

In his pants."

"What color stripes should my socks have next week?

What wallpaper should I put in my closet?

What kind of reflectors should be under my bike seat?"
~ Kid Omega

"Please, Samurai, stop the knee jerk reaction. No one is exiling them to the Phantom Zone."
~ Mike Smash!

"That's my new name for far right blather: Neenerneenerism."
~ Paul McEnery

"I'm sweating like Whitney Houston at an awards show!"
~ ElvisGuy

"It's hard to drop Shotglasses into a skull to do carbombs."
~ Tadhg Adams

"If 'assiduously massaging' the appropriate organs caused them to retract, my ball-problem would have been solved years ago."
~ Erebus

"Just because something is old doesn't make it valid."
~ Mike Smash!

"That's why I enjoy Swanson's Angry Man dinners. Even the dessert is made of meat."
~ HomerJay

"If you're being 'forced' to choose between your religion and treating people as equals, I think that says something about your religion."
~ Spike-X

"Sleep is important.

But drinks are better."
~ MsSpring

Tages: "Funny thing, I don't really remember much of what happened after that, just then when I woke up in my room my butt was bleeding and there was a dollar pinned to my shirt."
StoneGold: "Fuck, I wondered what happened to that dollar."

Brian Cronin
05-01-2014, 05:24 PM

Gail Simone: "Sabrina, don't be silly."
TCJohnson: "Isn't that kinda like telling a bear, 'Don't be furry!' "

"I've always wondered what the best thing in the world was.

Only now do I realize it's a gay pride Slinky."
~ pennywisdom

"How can homosexuality be a violation of natural law when it occurs in nature?"
~ Grazzt

Typo Lad: "I'm not into physical submission, thanks. Just mental and verbal."
Deathstroke: "Better known as marriage."

"Stupid lightning man! Grundy drink Pepsi!"
~ Cei-U!

"The CBR servers are going down faster than Paris Hilton."
~ Sabrinaset

"It's all fun & games until your reality-warping powers trap two pieces of the soul of Mephisto allowing you to get pregnant by an android."
~ ragnarok_2012

Gail Simone: "Jeez, who filled the toaster with condoms?"
Dedagda: "Shrink to fit - I bought box size too large."
Larry Dixon: "They make a size BIGGER than your size? For what? Horses?"
Cam63: "Australians, Larry. They're for Australians."

"I gotta call the milf tonight and see if I can arrange the F part."
~ jessecuster2

"I choose not to talk about rap. Who knew 'fifty' was pronounced 'fiddy'?"
~ Spackling Compound

"I can respect that you stick with your str8 side but it most definatly was a gay bashing."
~ DoubleShot, to Tom

"You know, if the commboard had more discussions about bacon, this would be a happier place."
~ i_mmmchocolate

"While I'm all for taking the Great Sixties Myth down a peg, erecting a Great Eighties Myth in its place is certainly not the way to do it."
~ Jonathan Bogart

"Is this the *******y Breakfast Room...or did I take a wrong turn at the giant pile of bacon crusts?"
~ Drew Van T.

"Well, rest assured, DC is certainly not writing comics like they used to in the Silver Age, just as Marvel isn't. The cheese melted."
~ Jack Zodiac

"You can't polish a turd. You can, but the shittiness rubs off on you, so be careful."
~ kmeyers

"Alcohol does have unusual effects on people. I've been drunk twice, and both times, I never became an anti-semite. I did, however, start reading Austen comics and drew like Liefield."
~ Sabrinaset

Sophisticated_Gamer: "So what is your favorite comic that you have boght in the past month?"
twilight: "The adventures of SHUT THE FUCK UP boy #17"

"My heart is like a can of pepsi, shaken in a paint mixer"
~ Royal

"Anyone who can't stand after one bottle of flat Guiness doesn't deserve to rule the world."
~ K'Nort

"This thread titilates and offends my fragile sensibilities all at once.

Hey Randal, I typed 'tit.' "
~ Valmore

"A coworker once described me drunk as 'it's like Mike, but more of him'."
~ Mike Smash!

Forefinger: "I'm down with calling my wife and I equals, but when it comes down to it, I have the final word."
dingo: "I always have the final word. The final two words in fact.

They are: 'Yes ma'am.' "

"Spider-Man 2099 was ten pounds of kickass in a five pound bag!

That means when you held it, pounds of kickass literally poured down your hands.

Meanwhile, ounces of kickass were leaking through the bottom of the bag, coating the bottom until it congealed into a sticky kickass ring.

Hope you used a coaster, beeyotch!"
~ Sean Whitmore

"I love me. I use a sock!"
~ Forefinger

Jeff Brady: "What also sucks is meeting a great girl who is very much your type, but knowing that you are not her type."
Typo Lad: "Careful mate, your tears will water down the beer!"

"I had a mullet.
And it wasn't one of your Joe Dirt Shitkicker mullets either. It was an art school mullet. Like Longshot's. And it was cool."
~ Pól Rua

Donald M.: "Have you ever lost something so completely that you cannot find it however hard you look, ever?

I do this at least twice daily."
Forefinger: "Is it in your toilet?"

"I hooked up with a stranger
a hot, hot, beautiful stranger
she was older and asian
and I tried cunnillingus for the first time."
~ Dan Apodaca

"On YABS we have pages of explicit lesbian talk that pushes deeper into the female vagina than a long-armed gynecologist."
~ Spackling Compound

"Strep mostly just hurts like deep-throating a chainsaw."
~ JeffreyWKramer

i_mmmchocolate: "What does the Italian word 'cretini' mean?"
K'Nort: "Small dummy?"

"Fred Durst wore Yankees caps, and if Fred Durst doesn't epitomize pure evil, I don't know what does."
~ Valmore

"When the 80's pop music in retrospect was edgier than its remakes... you know the great beast of the apocalypse is nigh."
~ Spackling Compound

Lester Carthan: "A male friend of mine, NOT ME HONEST, took Viagra even though he is a healthy man in his twenties. He had himself a really good time until his penis turned purple and he was rushed to the hospital."
Kyuubi: "What ended up happening to YOUr friend ?"

"Does nobody in NY shave?"
~ FunkyGreenJerusalem

howyadoin: "If you're defrosting milk, the size of your jugs is an important factor."
Iangould: "Unless its condensed milk, then it's the size of your can."

"Forefinger, you're breaking my heart
You're shaking my confidence daily
Oh, Forefinger, I'm down on my knees
I'm begging you please to eat bacon.

Forefinger, you're breaking my heart
You're shaking my confidence daily
Oh, Forefinger, I'm down on my knees
I'm begging you please to eat bacon
Eat Bacon

Eating Bacon in the afternoon with Forefinger
Up in my bedroom (cooking it up)
I got up to wash my face
When I come back to bed
Sausage has taken my place

Jubilation, I cooked it again,
I fall on the floor and I laughing,
Jubilation, I'll cook it again,
I fall on the floor and I laughing"
~ jessecuster2

"Make sure mommy dresses you right and packs a healthy delicious lunch. Talking to girls is hungry work."
~ Donald M.

"You got an A on this test, Pussy Galore!"
~ Sabrinaset

"Sorry, Doctor, it's the freakin' FONZ!!

Dude battled a super-powered alien to standstill with just his THUMB!"
~ Brian Cronin

howyadoin: "The 70s were pretty golden if you were a kid. That's when I got drunk for the first time and touched my first boob."
Jeff Brady: "Ha! Me too! Granted, I was born in the tail end of '78, was breast-fed, and dad thought it was cute for the baby to hold a beer bottle..."

"I love howling late at night."
~ tricksterpup

jaguarshark: "I'm almost scared to ask this, but what the hell is a furry?"
Wesley Dodds: "See also, Morts."

"I guess sometimes WOOT just means WOOT."
~ fly on the wall

"Loving yourself is a beautiful thing.

Preferably the kind of love where you keep your pants on."
~ raikage

Typo Lad: "Suzannah hates the term 'Jap'. Then again, she also hates the behaviors involved in the concept

Even if she does have three Kate Spade bags.

'Jap', 'Shiksa', and 'Goy' don't get said in our house."
Michael Pullmann: "How about 'Craigslist Sugardaddy Girls?' "

"Some characters don't NEED to be redesigned."
~ mattbib on Captain America

"A world where the majority of the population is under 16?

No thank you. I'd rather not live on Planet Emo."
~ atoningunifex

"You've managed to find the intersection point between nerdy and gay."
~ Michael Pullmann

SnowTrooper: "What does that have to do with wrestling?"
Devon Campbell: "You know, I say that a lot when I'm watching Raw."

Brian Cronin
05-01-2014, 05:24 PM
9-20-2006 (PART I)

"I've had a girlfriend for 8 years. We are in a deeply committed relationship. We connect on all levels and are soul mates.

So no, I don't get laid."
~ Dom Jigsaw

gary bolt: "It looks like the astronomical community has decided to call the new class of planetary bodies dwarf planets."
The Mirrorball Man: "Will there be elf planets too?"
howyadoin: "If they have hobbit planets, I'm leaving."
Ontir: "Would that make Jupiter a Balrog Planet? Uranus would HAVE to be a Balrog Planet!!!"
thehod: "After a very hot curry and a few bottles of red wine it usually is."

"I normally just set aside an hour or two a day to go back and read my past posts. That Azrael52 is just too funny."
~ Azrael52

Paul McEnery: "My personal belief is that the universe is like a sleeping dog, and every now and again, it twitches a leg and we switch from one multiverse track to another, and the only people who notice are crazy or on drugs. It would explain a few things."
Dreadstar: "That's a great idea for a book. We could call it The Lassie of Heaven."

"Go, Michigan! Now you can start firing people who drink, 'cause that's every bit as, if not more dangerous than smoking. Then you can start targeting people who eat badly, because high cholesterol and fatty foods can lead to heart problems and serious health risks. Let's see, what else?

Oh, driving! Driving is fucking dangerous. Everybody who works in Michigan should walk everywhere, especially those folks at the plants in Detroit. Set a good example for your daredevil customers. And while we're at it, the sun's pretty fucking harmful. Y'know what? Everyone should just stay inside. All the time.~ Jack Zodiac

"I'll have to put this in my Terms-I'll-Never-Use Book. How about that, it fits right between 'LOL' and 'ROTFLOL.' "
~ DonC on "Mary Sue"

Re: Lisa Loeb
stealthwise: "She's got some reality show that deals with her search for love or some such crap."
howyadoin: "She should be looking in Vancouver."
Spike-X: "You misspelled 'Australia'."

"Excuse me, sir? This toothpaste is 3.99, but as a fiscally conservative, socially liberal independent of no religious affiliation, i beleive i should get it for free!"
~ Alex

"Holy skid marks Batman!!"
~ TinMan

"I can't believe this thread has gone on for so long.

It's almost as big as Pullman's behind!"
~ Dan Apodaca

Re: AzBats
cactusmaac: "The character smells of greatness."
Jack Zodiac: "Wasn't he French? Are you sure that was greatness you smelled?"

"Next person to follow me into the bathroom asking questions is getting urine in the eyes."
~ Tadhg Adams

K'Nort: "And is it totally illegal to leave your pedometer on when you're going into the kitchen for a second slice of pie?"
Tadhg Adams: "It's fine as long as you do an extra lap around the kitchen."

"Don't make me hungry; you wouldn't like me when I'm hungry."
~ Ed Cunard

jessecuster2: "Dear Jew,

If a gentile touches a box with your kosher plates in it, are they no longer kosher ?"
Typo Lad: "Only if he smears filthy pig blood on it.

Josh S: "I'd help, but I'm covered in pig blood. And I live in Texas."
Tages: "Isn't the above statement somewhat redundant?"

"It isn't that mythology and superstition are claims about objective reality, because they aren't. They're guides to behaviour, and as such, they are objective reality in themselves."
~ Paul McEnery

"wow...you're weirder than I thought..."
~ kmeyers

"When I first saw the term 'flat daddy', my first thought was that it was an opposite counterpart to 'chubby chaser'."
~ Pól Rua

"We Are Gail Simone. Your Characters Will Be Assimilated And Improved Upon. Your Weak Backstories Will Be Embellished. You Will Service Us And Bring Sushi. Resistance Is Pointless Because You Know You Want It."
~ Larry Dixon

"We Are Gail Simone. Bitches Betta Recognize. Resistance Is Wack. Word."
~ Larry Dixon

"We Be Gail Simone. Compton Be Assimilated An' Shit. Resistance Is Fo' Suckahs."
~ Larry Dixon

"Oh, and so this thread isn't entirely on-topic, I'd totally put it in Mary Marvel's butt."
~ Jack Zodiac

"Sour grapes THIS."
~ Elegance Liberty

Paul McEnery: "Beer.

Beer is always the solution."
berk: "I personally was busy solving problems all last evening."

"Why should someone settle for some photos in an album or on a computer when they can have a LIFE SIZE photo right there. LIFE SIZE! Like, as big as LIFE! Only flat. And cardboard. And unable to interact with you in any meaningful way.

But still....BIG!!!!"
~ atoningunifex

Forefinger: "I like cheese."
Pól Rua: "I like to poop.
We should form a band."

"Now paint thinner, that's a drink."
~ StoneGold

"Drink your way to health! Slim Fast tastes WAY better with some Malibu in it."
~ Mac Danny

TomStillwell: "Gail Simone coined the phrase 'Baby got back.' "
Larry Dixon: "I love that song, and I can not lie."

"I'm a big proponent of separating an artist from his work, but seriously, was Byrne's sense of basic human deceny shot off in the war or something?"
~ ducklord

"I've been as busy as a high priced whore at an electronics convention."
~ Lubichev

Kid Omega: "I like it to spank it while thinking about Ginger Spice as a bar wench, covered in filth in turn-of-the-century London.

She's all sultry and sweaty, and I give her a tuppence for a hand-hjob... from there it gets good.

'Oi, luv! Ow bit a bit of vee ol' poke n' porridge?'

Then she sticks her finger up my ass.

'Oi! Ye like 'em in ye wee arse-hole, eh?'

Then I take her from behind, over a cracker barrell, and spray my seed all in her fake red hair.

Plus a donkey punch is in there somewhere."
howyadoin: "Sheer poetry. Almost made me swoon."
Mike Smash!: "I just had it embroidered on a pillow."

"First the bartender, now this.

Call me crazy, but you could always just ask these women if they're interested in you."
~ Donald M.

"The Constitution won't magically appear to physically protect you from a face-eating cocksucker."
~ Jack Zodiac

"I work in a PVC pipe factory. My hobbys include jacking off, going to flea markets, and playing really heavy stuff on my guitar. What the fuck do I need a cedar shoe tree for?"
~ P-Man

"This must be some usage of the word 'cool' in a derogatory way I was previously unaware of. Yes, provided it's an insult, this indeed very cool. So cool it makes my eyes bleed and my pets explode."
~ Damo

"Security in one's masculinity. Key.

Look at the NFL. They smack each other on the ass constantly.

For some reason, after my associate wrote a good memo and I gave him a smack on the ass to say "good job" he looked at me a little funny. I'll confront him about it later in the shower....."
~ Ray_Rivard

Winslow: "What are you? psychic?"
Pól Rua: "Only about farts... it's the world's shittiest superpower."

"That's what I like about you. You always manage to find the silver panty lining."
~ Michael_Pullmann

"Somewhere Keith Moon is crashing the Pope Mobile into God's lake for the heck of it."

"I can't remember the last time I watched someone squeeze their bag with such artistry."
~ Dreadstar

Mike Smash!: "Ah crap. I think I dated a girl like that once."
Alex: "We've been over this, lingering outside their window isn't dating.
And breathing heavily into a phone isn't foreplay.
It's illegal in some places."

"Unread books are like captive monkeys in an abandoned zoo."
~ Ed Cunard

"I hate PETA. Bastards threw red paint on my full-length chinchilla pimp coat."
~ Dreadstar

"Um, I just typed 'poop'."
~ i_mmmchocolate

Brian Cronin
05-01-2014, 05:25 PM
9-20-2006 (PART II)

"Frankly, I miss the old days, when war profiteering was a crime to be prosecuted instead of a business model to be trumpeted as good government policy."
~ Noah Johnson

"Some people need to be reminded that Christ carried a cross, not a goalpoast."
~ Ed Cunard

"I'm sorry I didn't phrase it in fluffy bunny language, but my point stands."
~ Typo Lad

"I studied a broad in college. Lots of em, actually."
~ HomerJay

"I used to watch Alley McBeal."
~ Forefinger

"Excessively stylish! I won't drink anything that isn't served in half of a faberge egg!"
~ Jack Zodiac

i_mmmchocolate: "Michael's fat ass fills those jeans so nicely!"
Michael Pullmann: "Thanks, Lena. I based it off of what you do. Of course, I have to scale it down a bit."

"Ah, revenge! Just as tasty as a good steak!"
~ Carlton Donaghe

"Heed the words of Negrodamus."
~ C.O. Jones

"You're not the guy in his 70s who always reeks of gin and hangs around my workplace when I get out about 1 a.m., only to say (every day), 'Hey baby, I'm only old outside of my pants!'

THAT'S creepy.

And every day I have to say, 'HomerJay, go home to your wife and kids. And stop drinking so much gin.' "
~ phoenixrising

i_mmmchocolate: "So this 17 year old Orthodox Jewish boy has a crush on me."
ragnarok_2012: "i_mmmjailbait!"

Brian Cronin
05-01-2014, 05:26 PM

"I'm not infallible. I just act like it."
~ Cei-U!

howyadoin: "There were 4 guys with shovels, but only two of them were shovelling, and they took turns."
Typo Lad: "Just like at one of Jeffrey's parties."

"What type of person does it make me to be ecstatic about being included in here?

Hmm, maybe I'll ask my therapist this afternoon."
~ Azrael52

"Weird and sad? You married me sweetheart, who's the weird one now?"
~ thehod

"I'd replace Reagan with Carter. Or Kennedy. Or Kermit the Frog. Shit, I'd consider Gonzo over Bonzo."
~ Noah Johnson

"Ed double-majored in redundancy."
~ Dreadstar

Brian Cronin: "The Comics Should Be Good forum is only for threads about how awesome I am."
Ed Cunard: "So that's why it's so dead."

"I'm not high right now, but I am pretty mighty."
~ Dan Apodaca

"I was deadly serious when I said the Quesadidioists would be the end of us all--goddamn pervert-suit loving cape-fetishists, those ones. I asked one if he had any Clowes, and he was all like 'what do you think I'm wearing, dipshit?' "
~ Ed Cunard

Tadhg Adams: "Us moral absolutists should form a club."
K'Nort: "And beat people with it!"

"I didn't think this was the Redbook version of being a 21st century man."
~ Davideaux

"Than you, Burger King! You can sneak into my house at six in the morning and wake me up with your frighteningly gigantic head any time!"
~ Jack Zodiac

"HELLZ YEAH! Give it up for the HORSE MAN! Any of you want some of dis??? FURRIES RULZ!"
~ Spackling Compound

jessecuster2: "Do you have anything at all in common with your wife Ed ?"
Michael Pullmann: "They both have vaginas."

"I usually have to make a trip to the bathroom soon after eating anything that I don't eat regularly. It doesn't even have to be anything exotic. I'm sensitive."
~ Forefinger

"Larry Dixon can slam a revolving door."
~ TomStillwell

"Doktor Johann Schmidt still needs someone to hold his wine spittoon."
~ Tadhg Adams

EdContradictory: "You know that day each year back in highschool when you got your yearbook and ran around getting people to sign it?

That's what MySpace is... but it never ends."
amboy00: "Hey sexy, have a great summer!

94 4 EVA!"

"The attempt to child-proof the world is a fool's errand. It's much more practical to world-proof your child."
~ Ogdred

"Fire-Crotch powers UNITE!"
~ Mac Danny

Sean Whitmore: "Seriously. Do you want the terrorists to win?"
Bored at 3:00AM: "Everytime a GL debate breaks out on the internet, Osama Bin Laden gets his wings."

"Come on, Jeff. Violently raping an innocent secondary character with a formerly laughable second banana villain, mindwiping Batman against his will, and bringing a flamethrower when you're just trying to scare somebody but somehow it proves convenient when you need to dispose of a dead body you created by enlarging to normal size after traveling through the phone wires and slipping into someone's ear?

What's crappy about that? It's inspired writing."
~ Ray_Rivard

"If I try real hard, I can count to potato."
~ Forefinger

Patient Boy: "Wasn't there somebody awhile back who was convinced that the US government was going to ban religion in the next fifty years, but arguing from the opposite point of view (ie, that banning religion was a bad thing)?"
Jerry Kraut: "That's a very popular theory with the tin hat crowd."

"Gambit's costume should never be confused with 'great'.
It is the ass sandwich of superhero costumes."
~ Pól Rua

"The human heart is irrational, my love. On Vulcan, you have been taught logic, and reason.

Let me show our earthly ways of passion, and madness, and frivolous nothings whispered on a moonlit night.

I will narrate our romance endlessly, and full of needless exposition, if that would make it more.... enticing for you."
~ Kid Omega

"A good cheesesteak is like a french kiss from Jesus' hot older sister."
~ Gingold

Tommy: "On my Myspace Friends I have: eleven cam whores"
Screwtape: "I read this post and honestly thought, "Elven cam whores? I've never even SEEN that website."

And I was a little excited, I'll be honest."

"I do wear the beret at a jaunty angle, though. I need to maintain some street cred."
~ Ray_Rivard

"I'd love to be her next unsatisfying sexual experience."
~ Deathstroke

jessecuster2: "Someone give me some post-dinner date ideas, I am feeling decidedly un-creative?"
TinMan: "I'd say ravage the juicy love box, but that's just me."

"Who doesn't remember the day when Harbinger #1 came out?

I know do.

I was at the comic book store... and I bought something other then Harbinger #1."
~ the film freak

"When I was 9 years old my Aunt Maris took me, my brother Matt and her kid David to see Elvis.

This was in Florida in 1972 and Elvis was way into his Captain Marvel Jr stage."
~ rick

Norrin Radd: "So all of a sudden Claremont sucks.

Got it."
Joe Rice: "It's not so sudden."

"Boize moi! By the goddess, mein freund, if you weren't mon ami, I'd have to use the focused totality of my power on you, sugah."
~ Dan Apodaca

"People aren't dismissing your POV because they don't like it. They're dismissing it because it's bullshit."
~ JeffreyWKramer

"The Golden Age is 12. And everyone is 12 at some point."
~ Michael Pullmann

Tadhg Adams: "Is that Winick or Johns?"
K'Nort: "I really can't tell them apart."
Tadhg Adams: "If a bunch of characters turn out to be gay, it's Winick. If it spends 12 pages explaining why Green Arrow shot his bow with the wrong hand in an issue 20 years ago, it's Johns."

"Speaking of the internet, the use of "pwned" is an instant indicator that you're a fucking loser."
~ Dan Apodaca

Kid Omega: "It's funny how the "please let's us all be friends" guys are often the worst when they get angry....

The turn from "hugzz!!!" to "I FUCKING HATE YOU JUST GO DIE!!!!" is quick and scary sometimes...."
Dreadstar: "It's the hypoglycemia. I can't help myself."

"You haven't lived until you've watched gay porn with your grandfather."
~ Jack Zodiac

"what's this? a woman who has never found Pitt attractive? i must have found myself in an alternate reality. THE MACHINE WORKS!!"
~ Stellar

Frodo-X: "Wow. And people in America complain that the government is in the bedroom.

Canada's government is in your pants."
Deathstroke: "Please, the Republican government has been up our ass for years."

Brian Cronin
05-01-2014, 05:26 PM
12-8-2006 (PART I)

"If we give a specific reason, you guys just find a way to go around it

'I like older men' - you dye your hair gray

'I'm not ready for a relationship' - you just wait and ask again tomorrow

'My boyfriend's better looking' - Next thing you know, he's disfigured in a freak mailtruck accident

'I don't like guys with two arms' - and an arm's gone

You can't be trusted with anything concrete."
~ phoenixrising

Michael Pullmann: "You don't kick pretentious twats in the balls."
Gilda Dent: "This would likely be quite an excercise in frustration."

"I'm a rebel without a cause, or effect for that matter."
~ Jack Zodiac

Typo Lad: "Thing is, Leifeld's work does have energy. It appeals to some people. I can buy that."
Paradox: "True, but there's more than one kind of energy. Kirby's work is more like an athlete's energy. Rob's is more like a seizure."

"I think I'll change my handle to "PoshSpiceGuy" and stalk her. I could totally kick David Beckham's arse... at Scrabble."
~ Valmore

"So, to recap folks, I think sex is a race through a maze, Howy thinks vaginas are hamburgers, and Kramer thinks sex is a museum/petting zoo with an awesome gift shop."
~ Jack Zodiac

"In terms of technical craftsmanship, Rob Liefeld is to Jack Kirby as a 7-year-old building a couch cushion fort in their living room is to I. M. Pei. In terms of storytelling, Rob is to Jack as a department store security camera is to Orson f'ing Welles."
~ Cei-U!

Sean Whitmore: "It sucked. Tasted like liquid ass peed out onto an ass full of pee."
the film freak: "I'm just amazed you know what ass pee tasted like in the first place.

What kind of clubs do you hang out at?"
Sean Whitmore: "Randy Papamopoulis' Pepsi Vanilla and Ass-Pee Emporium.

Yeah, I don't know why I keep going back there either."

"I thought DC was doing fine before Identity Violation Crisis of 52 Dead Booster Golds."
~ Hoss

"That joke is stretched more than Reed Richards."
~ Michael Pullmann

Gilda Dent: "Isn't this just typical CBR. Start a thread about a sexual matter and it quickly devolves into a discussion of theological philosophy."
Sanagi: "Well, sure, who's more interested in sex than internet nerds and priests?"

"I'm not a redneck Southerner and I ain't no clueless Yankee.

I'm an Appalachian hillbilly and don't you forget it!"
~ Joe Rice

"I'm approaching my ten year anniversary of arguing with other nerds here about Batman. I plan on celeberating by spending the night alone with a bottle of bourbon and then shooting myself in the head. After I argue with someone about Batman."
~ the film freak

Dom Jigsaw: "I'd rather bill clients for the time I post than actually do work for their financial gain."
Clint Barton: "Ever thought of going into politics?"

"Hey, we're not judging her for voter fraud, just for being ugly, unlikeable, anorexic, and a man."
~ Michael Pullmann on Ann Coulter

"So premature ejaculation is a good thing, not a bad thing, and exactly what women deserve."
~ fly on the wall

"You've out-vocabularied me."
~ StoneGold

Royal: "How do you feel about free weights, Gilda?"
Gilda Dent: "It's probably better than paying for them."

"I propose flying a crop duster over major metropolitan areas and hurling sacks of comics out of the cockpit."
~ Jack Zodiac

"When a Human marries a Cylon, is it rude to give them a toaster?"
~ Ontir

Jeff Brady: "Goddamn, how can people be so mind-numbingly ignorant?"
Brian Cronin: "Same way you get to Carnegie Hall!

Practice, practice, practice!!"

"I'm beginning to think that all the newer posters at CBR are one single person. Either that or our educational system is really and truly in the shitter."
~ Dreadstar

"That sounds like the bravado of the newly-pubed."
~ Ed Cunard

"Eating what's usually burried in the garden = healthy food. Carrots, Potatoes, moles, they're all good."
~ The Fury

Dom Jigsaw: "Are you sure you aren't an accountant?"
Dr. Hfuhruhurr: "Pretty sure. I mean, I'm not wearing brown socks with black shoes, so no, I don't think so."

"Seventy years down the line, bad children will be sent to bed for sleepless nights filled with worry that the Eye Warrior will come in the night and eat their corneas."
~ Ed Cunard

"My girlfriend always picks up my comics for me.

And she has sex with me.

And she has all her own teeth!

Wow, I'm sorry for all the bragging...."
~ Dom Jigsaw

"When he was little, Greg Land's mama caught him in the bathroom with a roll of tracing paper."
~ Ed Cunard

"Rum mixes well with almost anything except for common sense."
~ Jared_Humpherys

howyadoin: "I was being metatextual or something."
Paradox: "Sorry. Guess no one sent me the meme."

"Why do you have to pick on people's spelling all the time? It's not their fault they don't have the same level of education as you do, and that everything they learned in school fell out of their heads as soon as they finished."
~ Spike-X

"Cronin falls asleep to the tune of heavy breathing on the speaker phone."
~ Smoogis

"I love you Brian Cronin. There will be something extra in your tribute envelope this month."
~ Beast

coke & comics: "I can tell the difference between butter and I Can't Believe It's Not Butter"
Ryan Kirk: "I Can't Believe Its Not Butter talks.


That was Parkay."

"Gross! I hate sodomite. I don't know how the Aussies eat that crap."
~ Mike Smash!

"I just didn't want to make anyone nervous, and thinking that I'm just going to start banning posters just because their posts are dumb.

So rest easy, Cunard."
~ Brian Cronin

JeffreyWKramer: "So, what qualifies as good porn or bad porn for you?"
Jack Zodiac: "For a woman, I'm betting 'good' usually means the chicks eyes don't get glued shut in the end. Also, no horses."

"There once was a poster named Morna
Who answered my thread with much scorn-a
Her joke crossed some threads
And puzzled some heads
But at least it didn't have porn-a."
~ Fenris

"Do you hear the people sing? Singing a song of angry men! It is the music of a people who will not be slaves again. When the beating of your heart echoes the beating of the drum it is a life about to start when tomorrow comes!"
~ Valmore

"Hey guys, who wants to see the Golden Gate Bridge Sponsered by Vagisil?"

Gilda Dent: "I apologize for having a username that's an anagram for Tangled Id."
Dreadstar: "Oooo! Let me play!


Sad Retard.


"Actually, I get annoyed with my own long assed posts sometimes."
~ Nikita

"I know less about Internet Explorer than Trix knows about good television."
~ Brian Cronin

"Wow. The orchestra is a lot better if you drink beforehand."
~ Gingold

"But not to fear, there are easy ways of recreating the 'Bud experience': 1) take two thirds of a pint of Stella, 2) add one third of a pint of tap water, 3) mix, 4) have eight more of those. There you go!"
~ Drew Van T.

"Tell your mom not to put so much sugar in your sack lunch next time."
~ Jonathan Bogart

"In a sense there could be varying opinions on this. Both those who agree with me and those whose opinions are wrong."
~ coke & comics

"Hopefully me and Cronin will get as trashed as we got Monday night after the Knicks game. That boy can moderate the hell out of some beer!"
~ Punchy

Merey: "My apartment smells so good right now. Apple, cinnamon, pumpkin and chocolate. Yes, kind of an odd combo..but, yum!"
Jeff Brady: "It's like you've got a Jeff-Signal lighting up the sky."

"Slash posts are fun/lame. I should do them more often/never again."
~ Jack Zodiac

Brian Cronin
05-01-2014, 05:28 PM
12-8-2006 (PART II)

Michael Pullmann: "My ultimate goal in life is to leave a trail of crying, pregnant women across the multiverse."
jessecuster123: "When this never happens, remember it's because you use words like multiverse."

"I'm definitely not a shopper, especially around Christmastime. I just like to run in there, get what I need, and get out as fast as possible.

...Just like sex."
~ J. Robb

"Can God make a hat so big even He can't wear it?"
~ TomStillwell

coke & comics: "I am constantly made fun of for my inability to get 'bear' and 'beer' right."
Paul McEnery: "That's the last time I send you to the corner store.

And that's not what I meant by a packet of fags, either."

"When we hate, we hate with style."
~ Royal

coke & comics: "I suspect you and I use a pillow for two very different things."
Sean Whitmore: "Hell, some nights I use it for three or four different things.

Don't judge me. I can't live the mild, buttoned-down life the rest of you lead."

priestvyrce: "Are male ballerinas called ballerinos?

The french danseur is correct, or the all inclusive 'balletomane'"
Cam63: "I think they're just called ballet dancers."
Spike-X: "Or, in Australia, 'poofters'."

"Thanks to your article, I feel vindicated on the most ridiculous argument I've ever made on this board. Vindicated by People magazine, no less. I have now reached the absolute basement of existence."
~ Ray_Rivard

"I sat through a calculus class for about a week, so I'm an expert. There are much worse songs that create stress on the hypotenuse of good music's arch."
~ kmeyers

Typo Lad: "So with all the Dar info posted, what does every one else think?"
Pól Rua: "Munkies.

The usual.


Oh, think about HER? Sorry... wasn't paying attention..."

"I used to have very pretty, charming friends.

Now I have you people."
~ Ed Cunard

Brian Cronin
05-01-2014, 05:28 PM
1-31-2007 (PART I)

"That's almost as good as his 'cumshot Sue Storm' from Ultimate Whateverthefuck, Just Give Us More Money."
~ Jack Zodiac

"I never fully realised just how cold it can get in New York until this morning when I left my bedroom window open and it was as cold as Ann Coulter's vagina in there at 4 am."
~ TheTen-EyedMan

"Aeiiiiieee! The bearded hurl sharp things!"
~ Cayman

"Nothing snaps me out of a bad mood faster than a chainsaw-gun or a fat ass."
~ Xero Kaiser

"We live in a world that's telling us everyone is having a great time, and there's something wrong with you if you're not.

Thankfully, Nick Cave is always having a worse time than you."
~ Paul McEnery

"Marty the Dancing Bear, everybody. Let's give him a big round of applause.

Next up, a woman who can swallow her own eyelids!"
~ Agent Helix

"Justice shouldn't smell funny."
~ Cam63

"You think we don't know movies? I think you don't know assholes."
~ coke & comics

"If you do go to a strip club and when you walk in you ask where the pizza buffet is because you definitely smell anchovy pizza but the waitress tells you that they don't have a pizza buffet?

Forget the drink minimum and find another strip club."
~ Dreadstar

"If you eat meat, you're raping your grandchildren. And causing a nuclear holocaust. And ensuring all music will sound exactly like "I'm Too Sexy." And supporting genocide. And killing comics."
~ Ed Cunard

"Hello, is it Ga-il? Thankz for the wel-come.

I liked your work on Youngblood and hope that you collaborate with Chuck Liefled more often.

Please autographs for me?"
~ stealthwise

i_mmmchocolate: "I love the 70 degree weather, but I hope it does snow here. I would like to use the new toboggan."
Maniacle Mike: "I guess if you're going to have to live with something evil, you may as well enjoy it. I hear married people say that all the time."

"No longer will the trolls have free rain to cherry pick pot shots on the Rick Olney party train. Drinks are being served and I'm the bartender. Bottoms up!"
~ TomStillwell

"Nothing like a little cock sauce to spice things up."
~ Paul McEnery

"'Scmuck' is the sound Rick makes when he gets up off a chair."
~ Cam63

"Never kick a cow chip on a hot day."
~ Slam_Bradley

Agent Helix: "What the effing eff is going on? I'm so confused."
Ed Cunard: "Some people are bitching about CBR. Dread and I are making fun of each other. Typo's evidently on some kind of iPorn spree. Royal is shooting a potato gun."

"New woman eh ? Did you get a new air pump too ?"
~ jessecuster3

"Look, when I watch granny squid porn, I expect to see some full-on tentacle action. I don't care about the squid's motivation."
~ Agent Helix

"Just because a movie is meant to be fun doesnt mean that it has to suck."
~ CaptainAwesome

Mike Smash!: "What is the name of Picard's fish?"
Michael Pullmann: "Livingstone.

There, that oughta jinx me for tonight."

~ coke & comics

Dan Apodaca: "Fucking Car!!!
Agent Helix: "http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/3/3a/Karrimage.jpg
"Screw you too, Daniel.""

"If you take a rolling suitcase full of crap you want to get signed, the longest line at the con will be the one to kick you in the balls."
~ DonC

"There are many ways to improve Superman Returns.

Like taping over it."
~ Constantine Drakon

StoneGold: "Ye gods, this chocolate rugelach my sister sent me is sooooo sweet and juicy! It's like taking a moneyshot from Jesus!

And by Jesus, I mean the deity, not professional boxer Jesus Chavez."
nervmeister: "Not surprising. All German desserts are deliciously sexy."
Sean Whitmore: "Whereas all Mexican pugilists are, sadly, not."

"These donuts are dripping with delicious racism and intolerance!"
~ Jack Zodiac

howyadoin: "The Oscars are a joke."
Sir Tim Drake: "I take exception to this comparison-- it's an insult to jokes."

Brian Cronin
05-01-2014, 05:29 PM
1-31-2007 (PART II)

"I have the supersecret original script to "Fantastic Four" right here.

Reed Richards: "Doom is such a jerk."

Victor von Doom: "I'm such a jerk."

Sue Storm: "I'm dating a jerk for reasons that are never made clear or, for that matter, plausible."

Ben Grimm: "What's implausible is you, darling, playing a scientist."

Sue: "Oh! I broke a nail!"

Johnny Storm: "Look at how wacky and crazy I am! Woohoo!"

Richards: "It's ten minutes into the movie. That's enough background. Now, we're on the space station and...look! We're about to be hit with cosmic radiation! Strike a pose, everyone!"

*They are back on Earth with no explanation*

Reed, Sue and Ben: "We have powers and are miserable. Mope, mope, mope."

Johnny: "I, somehow, can get a helicopter to get to the top of the nearby ski area. Oh, look." *accident*

Doom: "I'm still such a jerk."

Richards: "I'm not buying you as a megalomaniac."

Doom: "Nonsense. Oh! I broke a nail!"

Johnny: "Is this guy going to kill us or pick out our wallpaper? Hey, where's Ben?"

Ben: "I am the mopiest. Oh well, this clumsily contrived and derivative ACTION SEQUENCE will make me feel better."

*Cars crash and EVIL, BLOODSUCKING REPORTERS show up, since action movies are never allowed to show reporters in a positive light*

Reporter: "Hey, superheroes! What do you plan on doing now?"

Reed, Sue and Ben: "Leave us alone, we have moping to catch up on. When we're done with that we might find a cure."

Johnny: "Screw that! Chicks and thrills! Woohoo!"

Ben: "Are you such a two-dimensional caricature of a person that you have to conform to these lame archetypes? You're like a 60-year-old screenwriter's idea of a whacky twentysomething daredevil."

Johnny: "Uh...woohoo?"

Reed: "Quiet, it's time for another awkward moment between Sue and I."

Sue: "Yes. Enough of these awkward moments and I might accept a marriage proposal from you."

Reed: "Really?"

Sue: "Hah, just kidding! Real relationships don't work like that. It'd be like some lazy writer's copout to avoid giving us any real character development that might take attention away from the special effects."

Reed: "Uh...OK?"

Doom: "Right now, the audience finds me about as threatening as a pediatrist in an IKEA parking lot wearing an angora sweater. So, as I cannot be bothered to do anything actually cool or devious, I will randomly murder an unimportant character."

Unimportant character: "I am dead!" *dies*

Doom: "That was fun. Now to do it again. Since I am an obvious rip-off of Norman Osborne from the first 'Spider-Man' movie, I will now murder another unimportant character, strangely similar to a scene also from that movie."

Unimportant Character 2: "Ow, my everything!"

Doom: "Now to drive a wedge between Ben Grimm and Reed Richards."

*Later, in a restaurant*

Doom: "It must be terrible for you. At least the others can go out in public."

Ben: "We're in a 24-hour restaurant sitting next to a window that can be viewed from the sidewalk. We're in public right now."

Doom: "Right. But let's pretend we're not."

Ben: "Damn you, Reed!"

*Ben and Reed fight, Ben stomps off in a huff*

Doom: "Wanna' be normal again?"

Ben: "I can't see why a guy who's been treating me for the past few months like the least pleasant of pimples on his backside wouldn't be trustworthy, and you should have no familiarity with the equipment at all unless you've been spying on us, but OK."

*Doom changes Ben back*

Doom: "Sucker!" *punches Ben, goes off to kill the other three*

*Ben dusts himself off*

Ben: "What have I done?"

*Ben changes himself back*

Ben: "Wait a minute, I'm not a scientist, how the hell did I operate that complicated bit of machinery designed by one of the world's foremost scientific geniuses?"

Screenwriter, holding up a giant Lotto-size check: "Uh...magic little elves?"

Ben: "Good enough for me. It's clobberin' time!"

*The Four beat Doom in an underwhelming and completely lame action sequence, compared to the operatic battles between good and evil in "Spider-Man 2" and "Batman Begins"*

Ben: "Since we are running out of screen time, now I love everyone again, my angst and bitter disappointment now having magically vanished."

Reed: "Marry me, Sue."

Sue: "OK. It'll be a fun way to spend half an hour."

Johnny: "I'm the only character who didn't grow or change in any way at all! Woohoo!"


~ Tages

Brian Cronin
05-01-2014, 05:30 PM
1-31-2007 (PART III)

"Are you watching Plushie rape pornos? Oh wow, I love that stuff. I keep a vibrating stuffed unicorn under my desk"
~ Typo Lad

"I wanna' know where all these crazy nympho librarians I see in pornos are hiding. They're like leprechauns, except instead of gold, there's a vagina at the end of the rainbow."
~ Jack Zodiac

"Trying to think straight right now is like to trying to shoot an apple from a bear's mouth with an arrow. While drunk."
~ stealthwise

coke & comics: "I think the 'I'll buy you a hot dog' is what gives it away"
howyadoin: "I thought that was a very nice sentiment."
coke & comics: "I guess I'm not the hopeless romantic you are."

"I rhyme with tyre
And cause pollution
I think you'll find
It's the best solution

What Am I?"
~ Pól Rua

jessecuster3: "Forget Vegas, we can go to Indiana."
HomerJay: "I know all those words, but that phrase makes no sense to me."

"I'm torn between two aspects of my nature. On the one hand, "hey, bare vagina jokes!" On the other, "well, yes, hardwood floors do tend to be more aesthetically pleasing and increase the value of a home, but I also see the homey, warm bonus points of having wall-to-wall carpeting, particularly in bedrooms and family rooms.'"
~ Ed Cunard

"There will be no olive branch unless you accept a flogging from it."
~ Dreadstar

"Oh sweetie. You like Superman Returns and don't get music.

You can stop pretending to be a boy now."
~ Paul McEnery

"Penises get in the way of more good television watching.

That's why I keep mine in a glass case on the mantle and only take it out when there are reruns."
~ Sean Whitmore

"Friggin' Readers! Always reading stuff!
It's like illiteracy's too good for those fuckers!"
~ Pól Rua

"There's always someone with a younger, larger, blacker cock waiting to replace you."
~ StoneGold

"Sweet, sweet chloroform. Is there any problem it can't solve?"
~ Gingold

Da Apodaca: "You're such a stalker."
i_mmmchocolate: "I'm stabbing my Dan voodoo doll in the eyes right now."
Da Apodaca: "I can still see your shame!"

"I know a lot of female lawyers who have put their careers first and now find themselves single and deep into their 30s.

Every single one of them is suffering from Seed Lust.

I have to wear 3 belts to keep my pants on."
~ Lone Ranger

"Man of steel, tissue of Kleenex."
~ Joe Rice

"When I was a 5 or 6 year old - I used to play with my Star Wars figures in the bath. We had a drain with a pretty big opening.

Years later when my parents renovated their bathroom, they discovered an ultra rare 'Yellow Stormtrooper'."
~ Lone Ranger again

"No way in hell I'm waiting 30 minutes for a burger unless it comes with a free side-order of blowjob."
~ HomerJay

"I appreciate DC giving me the occasional signal that I can keep saving my money for video games."
~ Sanagi

"after i told them to fuck off, they saw my side of it."
~ kmeyers

"Philadelphia is as cold as a witch's clit right now."
~ Gingold

Lone Ranger: "As I walked home last night (it was zero farenheit and windy as all hell) a guy jogged by me.

I just hope he was running to his psychiatrist."
Ed Cunard: "I used to be a cross-country runner. Now I'm a smoker. I like that better."

"So, I spend part of my morning playing "What's under the blanket?" then switch to arguing time travel logistics.

I think I may have blown my brain's transmission by shifting mental gears so harshly."
~ Gilda Dent

"My wife may be a horrible person that is making me go through utter shit, but at least she's not a Bears fan."
~ Ed Cunard

Spike-X: "Hi Jaye!!

I'm using Linux!"
Jaye: "Hi Spike!!

Does his blanket get in the way?"
Spike-X: "No, it simply provides an extra layer of security."

"For penance you must say 20 'Hail Odin's and a 'Shazam'."
~ Sean Whitmore

"I'm just a drunken critic with an awesome opinion."
~ kmeyers

"Let's see, I can side with the living legend of World War II and human embodiment of American ideals or I can side with the alcoholic, the wifebeater with multiple personality disorder and the guy who once lobotomised his own son."
~ Iangould

"Fuckin' Jack. I'd hate the guy, but his name reminds me of whiskey."
~ coke & comics

"I can't remember how many times Jean Grey has risen from the water screaming 'X-men, I am no longer the woman you once knew.' Of course not dear, who are you this week then?"
~ thehod

"You just need to embrace your inner asshole. It's like embracing your inner twelve-year-old, but you don't get erections from crappy STAR WARS prequels."
~ Ed Cunard

"Adequate. The bar where mediocre, unambitious and satisfactory have running tabs."
~ Athena Bast

"Wow, it's like choosing between vomiting or defecating into your own hand and then giving it to your high school sweetheart.

On her/his birthday.

Neither option is really that gratifying, but they're both still better than buying Civil War or Infinite Crisis, because you had to pay out some hard-earned cash for those."
~ stealthwise

"Seriously, how awesome would it be if they remade Star Wars to be more "modern and edgy".

Instead of saying 'Luke, I am your Father.' Vader could say 'Luke, I totally fucked your mom.'"
~ Typo Lad

"Nothing says superhero like...

The ability to make a series poorly informed comments on the objective nature of critiquing art."
~ Gene Marsh

"You cannot ascend to the ethereal heights of transcendental affect without scaling the base rocks of common technique."
~ thespianphryne

Winslow: "In the office next to me, our marketing assistant said rgb format.

I could have sworn she said 'Orgy B Format' until I thought about it for a few seconds."
Tadgh Adams: "I'm kind of scared how you'd mishear CMYK format."

"I drank milk in a bar the other night, except it wasn't so much milk as it was bourbon, and not so much a bar as it was my room.

Also, it was ten minutes ago.

And there was crying involved."
~ Tages

"Blah blah blah Greg Land blah blah hack blah trace blah blah draw blah blah boobs.

EDIT: Blah blah Olney blah rat-bastard blah blah Meltzer blah blah rape blah blah Crisis blah Civil War blah blah poop."
~ HomerJay

"Lightboxing makes ethics obsolete!"
~ kmeyers

Tadgh Adams: "Are you there Shazam? It's me, Mary"
Michael Pullmann: "Yeah, I did that joke on, like, the first page."
Tadgh Adams: "Just pretend that I'm Greg Land and your post was the SI: Swimsuit cover."

"You and yer fancy new drugs. Jose Cuervo is far cheaper."
~ Dreadstar

"When Geoff Johns sings it, he modifies it as follows

Superman or Green Lantern ain't got a-nothin' on me,
well that's not true for it's Hal Jordan because he's F'ING COOL!
But if it's another Green Lantern, then he ain't got a-nothin' on me,
and, um, I'm just wild about Saffron...what am I singing again?"
~ Cayman

"If you mean by ROCKS an old granny swaying back and forwards in her chair while her crocheted socks bunch around her ankles, sure, Genesis ROCKS."
~ Paul McEnery

Brian Cronin
05-01-2014, 05:35 PM
3-7-2007 (PART I)

"Vegetarianism is nothing more than an immoral lifestyle choice that vegetarians are constantly trying to shove down our throats with their public displays of salad eating, openly advertising tofu, and even showing people on TV and in magazines actually engaged in this deviant consumption. I mean, hey what they eat in their own homes is fine with me, but in public they should show a little respect and at least have a corn dog once in a while."
~ Gilda Dent

"Is there any superhero team from Marvel or DC with a freakier sexual history than the Avengers? Jarvis must scrub the place down with unstable pennicilin or something."
~ StoneGold

"You're from Wisconsin. They add the word 'cheese' to the Pledge of Allegiance."
~ Ray_Rivard

"Necro plant sex? Is that like when I was a fatass and couldn't get any action to save my life and stuck it in avocados?

I mean, like Catman was a fatass. Yes, Catman."
~ Fabian

"Pig is my favourite dead thing.
Pig and Boston Brand."
~ Pól Rua

"I think I've finally managed to classify the ultimate example of the comic nerd: someone who goes into conniption fits when a female character gets laid."
~ StoneGold

Fabian: "Sweet Highfather! Can you imagine the porn you can get on a motherbox?"
StoneGold: "I generally try to hide my porn from my motherbox. That's a bad combination.

On the other hand, you could probably steal porn from your fatherbox."

"Art isn't art without the fear of heart crushing rejection."
~ Gene Marsh

"I'll bet I'm more modest than you are. And less competitive."
~ Gilda Dent

coke & comics: "Good morning, CBR. I'd love to stay and chat, but I think I will actually go to school and do things today instead."
Winslow: "Ever since we linked responsibility to manhood, you've been acting differently."

"I was using the nerd definition of pretentious.

1. full of pretense or pretension.
2. characterized by assumption of dignity or importance.
3. making an exaggerated outward show; ostentatious
4. Nerd usage. There are no superheroes. There are big words. It's structured very well. I don't understand it. I hate it."
~ Ed Cunard

"Young, dumb, and full a cum! That's the Cap A I love."
~ Kid Omega

howyadoin: "This thread ain't gettin' to 5,000 by itself, fuckers."
StoneGold: "Yeah, but if we were actually fuckers, we'd be doing something more interesting than posting here."
coke & comics: "Has anybody tried doing both?

'Hang on baby, howy's got something to say about Civil War.'"

"Jesus Howie, doesn't anyone just eat pussy anymore??????"
~ rick

phoenixrising: "Usually, I feel like I'm the least porn-like person ever."
Mac Danny: "I know what you mean.

I've never had a landlord try to waive my rent for sex.

I've never had any kind of repair or delivery person try to have sex with me.

I've never been taken into space by aliens to show them how to love.

And I've never had sex with someone to steal evidence from a poorly plotted mystery."

"I wasn't allowed to own any toys until I was seven after I made my Sesame Street characters have an orgy on my Lego Moon Base."
~ Jack Zodiac

"Ground control to Major Tom Ground control to Major Tom:
Clear your PM box and put your mod-hat on
Ground control to Major Tom: Commencing freak out engine's on
Check out this corny thread so I can PM you"
~ Ed Cunard

"I'm not a big Prince fan, but the man is enormously talented. Not only an incredible songwriter, but a consumate performer and a great guitarist. On sheer talent he has Elvis kicked to the curb.

Though he gets points off for dressing like the pancake lady."
~ Slam_Bradley

"If you're participating in some kind of alienation contest, you're winning."
~ Michael Pullmann

"AARCH! This place is so fonfusing most of the time for thinking people, but I think I understand it now thank you for explaining instead of being a JUDGEMENTALY PERSON sk77677!

PS TO BASH FORUM: I just got my internet working right again bash forum and I am NOT j-bolt because I have no ability to draw unlike j-bolt who does, which means we are not the same person! ALSO FIY real life is not like comic books and two people cannot be one person. When firestormer the nucleus man has two men turn into one man with his head on fire, that does not mean that two men can touch each other and turn into one man with their head on fire in real life. PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCE: If you see someone with their head on fire it is not because they are two people fused into one, it means that their head is on fire! So please get help for them!

Anyway I am not J-bolt and do not touch men or set my head on fire."
~ Dwight R. Vlahos

TomStillwell: "You bringing sexy back, then?"
hellokittykat: "It's better than bringing hairy back!"

"Stretches of weather like this make me want to skull-fuck a snowman."
~ Ed Cunard

"Let he who is without nerdiness cast the first wedgie."
~ Bouncing Boy

"Oh. God. I offered to buy Howy a drink in the internet dating thread.

I really need to learn good context and timing."
~ PatrickG

"If it comes to it, I would kick Agent Helix's ass*.

*at Nintendo"
~ Matt Algren

"Mate, if you need to have a wank, have a wank. No need to beat yourself up over it.

Er...so to speak."
~ Spike-X

Iangould: "Every thread doesn't have to be an argument."
Fenris: "Evidence suggests otherwise."

"I know someone who actually says, 'I heart that' in conversation. I don't heart that. Frowny-face."
~ sehthan

Dan Apodaca: "Women have also been wearing pantyhose for a few generations now."
Tages: "Damn your Jewish lies!"

"Thank you for your encouragement Coke.

May I call you 'Coke'?

Do you prefer 'Mr. & Comics'?"
~ Donald M.

"His bumps,
his bumps,
his lovely warty bumps.
Check it out."
~ Ed Cunard

"Man, I'm just having a completely angrifying day that even the appearance of Mogo the Green Lantern that's a whole planet doesn't much improve."
~ Paul McEnery

"I broke up with Superman today."
~ Merey

Pól Rua: "I hate porn."
coke & comics: "That's not an addiction! Let's discuss whether this should be discussed."
Pól Rua: "Of course it should!
Porn fills me with discussed!"

"We Brits have had a pretty good history of bad boy musicians. Mick Jagger, Ozzy, Johnny Rotten, the Gallagher brothers et al, and if Robbie Williams is being included in with this crowd on the basis that he drinks too much red bull, then it's a sad day indeed."
~ thehod

"Sure Britney isn't talented, at all, but it seems that she's definitely going through a crazy patch herself and I think that she probably shaved her head for similar reasons, to set herself apart from the crowd and from her former self. Wow, I've thought about this way more than it probably deserves."
~ TheBatman

Winslow: "The best coffee I've ever had was at the Hershey Hotel in Hershey, PA."
howyadoin: "What road is that on?"
Gingold: "I couldn't tell you. The only time I was there, I went in through the back door."

"Same here. I've been working like nuts and my boss is in meetings all morning which is the only reason I'm here now.

Not to mention the crazy weekend I had:
- I checked into rehab then checked out after 24 hours.
- Shaved my head and got a few new tattoos.
Goddamn paparazzi won't leave me alone."
~ HomerJay

"Show us your stuff, and by that I mean your artwork, and not your genitals."
~ kmeyers

"I am a [Warren Ellis hyperbole] of hate."
~ Pól Rua

"Burger juice makes the mouth happy."
~ mgs

"Snobbery is as intrinsic to elitism as drinking is to driving a tree into a car."
~ stealthwise

"Das has no interest in your nakedness being rubbed in her face.

Hey, something she has in common with your wife!"
~ Typo Lad

"Ok, I'm more and more convinced that Cronin is a robot. I've seen several photos of him, but they all look the same. His beard is mesmerizing.

What was I talking about?"
~ kmeyers

Brian Cronin
05-01-2014, 05:36 PM
3-7-2007 (PART II)

"Snark! Snark! Everyone out of the water!"
~ LtMarvel

Nikita: "I don't go up to girls or guys, and just 'grab their business' to see how they'll react. I prefer saying 'hello' first. Ya know, I'm old fashioned that way."
coke & comics: "If we ever meet, you may pretend you've already said hello."

"I just witnessed the breathtaking plumage of a Great Southern Tracksuited Warbler. Awe inspiring."
~ Agent Helix

"Apparently, All-Star Batman and Robin is a gutbustingly funny parody. Hilarious, NOT shithouse as I'd previously thought.
Boy is MY face red!"
~ Pól Rua

"In the future, our ant overlords will demand that all comics be sugar related. All hail ants!"
~ StoneGold

Brian Cronin
05-01-2014, 05:36 PM

"Even now, Oxford University Press's feared cabal of assassins are closing in on your location."
~ Michael Pullmann

"In another year we can get 'Mark Miller writes a bunch of characters badly again, and brings back Thor and Captain America!'
Or, as it may be titled 'Look! We can do the stuff DC does, but we do it with characters we have to bring back to life!'
Expect an event involving one of the black captain americans as well.
And lots of marvel press releases hyping how they replaced a white guy and how forward thinking they are. And then quickly realize it isn't 1960, and announce the black guy is also gay."
~ Alex

StoneGold: "I don't think you are going to find someone as representative of the porn industry as a whole than Jenna. Which is why I chose her. Jenna tends to be the all-around face of porn."
Mac Danny: "The all around sticky, glazed face of porn."

"please, Alan Moore's writing sux!!"
~ ouiyahtsiouiyah

"Ed's wife is really pretty. It's a shame you can't put a bag over her personality."
~ Winslow

"That's a relief. I was afraid we'd seen the end of the server problems."
~ Gingold

Pól Rua: "You have used a prescribed word, citizen.
You are strongly encouraged to curb such treasonous behaviour, and use the approved term 'freedom tube' in the future.
Your name and identity number is now on record.

Thank you for your co-operation."
rick: "You don't fool me with your 'Freedom Tube', Pól.

Freedom is never yellow!!!"

"Wow, I spelled Triscuits like some kind of retard, there."
~ Dan Apodaca

"Howy makes a great guide. He's like a drunken Batman when it comes to prep-time."
~ StarsAndGarters

Stellar: "Now that I think about it, it's kind of unfair. I mean, we've got women's faces, curves and asses to enjoy, what do they get?"
K'Nort: "Your money?"

"I can't enjoy a movie unless it tells all possible sides of the story, yet somehow doesn't offend someone. "
~ Slam_Bradley

"There was a group of former frat boys attempting to binge drink at the bar I just returned from. They ordered a round of some sort of mutant Car Bombs -- half a glass of Guiness but it was smaller than a pint glass, and shots of just whisky, no Bailey's. Next thing I hear, their leader is explaining to the bartender that they couldn't handle that particular selection. Soon, a tray of something brightly-coloured and schnapps-based is delivered to their section. Turn in your dicks, all of you."
~ K'Nort

Spike-X: "Waiting for this bloody Springsteen bootleg DVD to be bloody uploaded to a certain bloody bitTorrent site."
Tages: "I had no idea Australians used that expression too."
dingo: "Yeah, we say Springsteen all the time."

"It's like the fuckin' cast of 'Hee Haw' is in charge of this country."
~ Jack Zodiac

"Eco-friendly fisting?

That's a different way to make a staement, I guess."
~ JeffreyWKramer

jessecuster3: "Or you could, you know, lead your real life and not a stupid, fictional one with no point in cyberspace."
Pól Rua: "Is this ironic that this was written in a fake bar tended by robots with a munky, a puma, a coyote and whatever the fuck Ed is as patrons?"

"Alcohol capacity is relevant to everything"
~ coke & comics

Ed Cunard: "Today, I learned that people pay money to pretend be elves with penises for arms in order to have sex with horses on the internet."
Mac Danny: "So you FINALLY read my blog then..."

"If their lyrics promote such things, they should be censored and banned.

By 'promote', I of course mean 'mention', or 'have language that could through a stretch be inferred to suggest such things'. Censor it!"
~ coke & comics

"I think of the internet in the same terms as alcohol: it doesn't make you an asshole, just brings it to the surface."
~ thespianphryne

"I'm the Snark Descartes of CBR.

I Clown, therefore I am."
~ Dreadstar

"Come on Howyadoin.....get real.

If fly were to put his huge stacks of comics in that small amphibious vehicle and sent it out into open water, dont you think minor weather turbulence would cause the comics to get wet? Ruining their financial value? I dont care how well they are bagged and boxed...thats no defense against good ol mother nature. Ya think anyone in Australia will want soggy comics really? Sure they say that now, but you just know they will be like 'Stupid fly! We have lots of comics here in this country that arent all water damaged. Thanks but no thanks."

Ya have to think ahead.

A submarine would work much better."
~ JadeDragon

"Does somebody have a list of the political views of all comic artists and writers so I can know what to like?"
~ Gingold

"But what about the floaty bag? Tumbling, drifting, up and down. How delicate and ephemeral. That floaty bag touched my very soul."
~ fly on the wall

"The Easter Bunny died for our sins, and to make sure we could have chocolate eggs."
~ JeffreyWKramer

"I imagine you're a weepy drunk. Like you stumble home, and then you put in Revenge of the Sith, and you just cry along with Padme."
~ Agent Helix

"Fun was killed shortly after video killed the radio star.

True Story."
~ Mac Danny

"The Silver Surfer should get stuck in one of those Universes that are really hard to return from, like the New Universe. Out of the Multiverse and into the Omniverse."
~ fly on the wall

"Usernames are evil. It's like living a lie. And they are childish and silly. Grownup posters use their own names like Greg Hatcher if he's still around.

Usernames are like celebrating Halloween every day of the year and wouldn't that get old. And we'd all be fat from eating all that candy like Greg Hatcher if he's still around.

Also usernames cause Global Warming."
~ fly on the wall

Rattlehead: "It's not like she advocated baby rape."
Justin Davis: "That's in Spider-Man Four: Revenge of Spider-Baby."

"This just in:

Celebrities Have Opinions About Stuff

Story at eleven!"
~ Tages

"I think people who get all their information on drug culture from Chuck Norris films are funny.
I mean, Jesus Christ, people!"
~ Pól Rua

"Ed and Lena sitting in a tree,
~ coke & comics

Brian Cronin
05-01-2014, 05:37 PM
6-13-2007 (PART I)

"Goddamnit, if you can't kick a Nazi in the vagina, I don't know if there's any hope for comics!"
~ Jack Zodiac

"I call Jihad on Mike's Hard Lemonade and Smirnoff Ice.

Death to Malted Beverages! Death to The Infidel!

Alcohol Akbar! Alcohol Akbar! Alcohol Akbar!"
~ Royal

"my 'que?' was directed at Jeff but forefinger got his dick in the way"
~ morna

"I'm black, I can make all the racist comments I want."
~ Stellar

"It used to be that, whenever you needed a giggle you just worked in certain poster's names into your thread. I'm glad we outgrew that.

On an unrelated note, I miss iwarrior."
~ BoosterBronze

"I'll bet Giant-Size Man-Thing has seen quite a bit of Jungle Action."
~ Jeff Brady

"Could Jesus microwave a burrito so hot that he himself cannot eat it?"
~ coke & comics


I don't even know how to respond. You might as well have just said "Chocolate tastes like oranges!""
~ Kid Omega

"Every time a dog eats pizza an angel gets its wings."
~ Slam_Bradley

Ed Cunard: "I remain in awe at the variety and quality of the microwaveable food available to today's consumer."
Gingold: "What a time to be alive."

"Nine pages of men debating abortion with one post by a woman. It's like we're the Senate."
~ Gingold

"You know what pisses me off? That Ghenghis Khan and his army of Huns!

man... those guys were jerks!"
~ Kid Omega

"I enjoy the nipples. And my joy shames and offends me."
~ coke & comics

"I'm a Criminal Justice Major. I've taken several courses on drugs, drug laws, and drug related crimes. Every teacher I've ever had has called the theory b.s. There's no studies that conclusively say marijuana is a 'gateway' drug."
~ Ryan Kirk

"I read half the Fourth World books with a chub on."
~ Jack Zodiac

"And now I can finally masturbate and cry myself to sleep.

Another day vanquished!"
~ Michael Pullmann

"I was TOTALLY JOKING when I told George we needed less fighting giant space monsters on exploding dessert planets and examining the archetypal hero that exists within us all and more sitting around yacking at space congress and annoying, vaguely offensive ethnic stereotypes.

Never dreamed he'd take me seriously."
~ Reptisaurus!

"The only true way to figure out a person's race is to play electric guitar."
~ Valmore

"Marlboro has always been my brand.

But unlike the rest of you, they won't kill me.

I know this because they whisper at me all the time that they won't hurt me, they are my friends."
~ rick

"Damn, I drink a lot. Or, frequently. No, it's a lot. And frequently. I frequently drink a lot."
~ hulahulk

"Look at me, writing Voyager fanfic. Before long Chakotay and Janeway will be doing it."
~ Matt Algren

K'Nort: "Is it possible to say 'Eek!' in a manly way?"
Sean Whitmore: "'Eek, beeyotch'?"

"Skepticle. The popsicle for the non-believer!

'Tastes like heresy!'"
~ Guapo Méndez



I mean do you have any more questions?"
~ Winslow

"I wasn't trying to make an intelligent point, just an observation."
~ kmeyers

"Wesley Snipes. A skirt. A gun. Vampires will be sorry and awkwardly aroused."
~ Ed Cunard on Princess Blade

"I actually got through to a local radio show and asked 'Was there ever an episode of LEAVE IT TO BEAVER in which rather than take him to a barber, Mrs. Cleaver decided to stay home and trim her Beaver?'"
~ HomerJay

Dreadstar: "CBR needs real 'face time.' Preferably a drunken weekend at a secluded beach where people can actually look into each other's bloodshot eyes and get a feel for whether or not they really *are* an asshole when they say those things, or if there's a smirky twinkle in their eyes when they're saying it.

Then we drown the assholes in the ocean."
Ed Cunard: "That'll never work.

I can swim."

"I am also quite proud of my year in Japan in high school where I played rugby and broke a Japanese kid's arm. I like to look back fondly and imagine that the kid grew up, became a successful businessman, and engages in highly predatory pricing practices that have wiped out several American domestic industries as a result. Perchance, to dream."
~ Ray R.

"The thing about these statues is that you know the guys that buy them stick them up their anus while masturbating."
~ Joe Rice on Marvel's Mary Jane Comiquette

coke & comics: "What is this word, guilt?"
mgs: "I think it was invented by married people."

"I used to talk during movies until I realized I could see the screen better if I took my head out from up my ass."
~ Cei-U!

"Cyclops? That's a crap name for a superhero.

Captain Laserweiner, that's the ticket."
~ Paul McEnery

"Lesbians don't have tops and bottoms! Those are labels for sodomites only!"
~ Kid Omega

"Frank Miller has turned into what Mickey Spillane would be if his mother let him eat paint as a child."
~ Pól Rua

Winslow: "We need an ADD support group."
Gingold: "I can come as long as the meetings don't last more than 5 minutes."

"I hear tell that Warren Ellis has a forum. Anybody know what it's called?

*This post brought to you by the Association for Untimely Jokes.*"
~ Matt Algren

"I'm a crappy human being, and I might be scum, but it isn't because I'm a man, it's because I'm an asshole."
~ Jack Zodiac

"I'd like to come back, all Crow-like, and take my revenge on those who killed me whilst wearing cool emo make-up/wailing on an electric guitar/Dual-wielding Colt .45's.

If I had my druthers, 'twould be that.

Realistically, my life isn't that exciting though.

I'd likely settle for haunting the local convenience store or someshit. Maybe Wal-Mart....I could haunt the hell outta Wal-Mart.
~ Shady Jack

Shady Jack: "On the plus side, this is the first Rita's thread where I didn't make a complete asshole out of myself."
Spike-X: "On the minus side, we still have over 2,000 posts to go!"

"I played the ponytailed, quasi-girl, massage the feet guy for about a year. It was like living the life of that whiny lead singer from "Live"."
~ Spackling Compound

"I could never be that man. My eating habits may fail to satisfy many women"
~ coke & comics

"It was a mistake,

and I stand by it.

And by standing by it, I refuse to fix it.

Because that's what America stands for."
~ ragnarok_2012

Michael Pullmann: "It's almost as if women are individual creatures, with different opinions and preferences."
Agent Helix: "Keep that pussy talk to yourself, son."

"Hello. I'm really, really excited about the new Transformers movie. Michael Bay AND Shia Lebouef? Sometimes they DO get it right in Hollywood."
~ Ray R.

"Perhaps I'm revealing my ignorance regarding some area of jurisprudence, but I've never understood why the hanging of an innocent man caused the lights to go out in Georgia."
~ Michael Pullmann

Jared_Humphreys: "Stayed up too late seeing Pirates last night."
HomerJay: "Layoff the peyote then."

"Man Junk doesn't get the lonely fanboy dollar."
~ Mac Danny

Gilda Dent: "In other news, my submit button is stuck."
Paul McEnery: "Lucky Emily."

"Rape is okay to deal with in any American medium, because rape is violence and violence is A-OK.

It's consensual sex we seem to have issues with."
~ Sean Whitmore

"I'm not a pirate stripper.

I have no booty."
~ coke & comics

"I usually don't vote in these things, but Paul McEnery's near death experience is enough to overcome my apathy.

In the future, if you want my vote, you too should have a near-death experience."
~ moebius



DAN: 'List your qualifications to write Superman.'

GEOFF: 'Rape, decapitation, murder, torture, rape.'

DAN: 'You listed rape twice.'

GEOFF: 'I like rape.'

I love 'Blazing Saddles'."
~ Ray R.

Brian Cronin
05-01-2014, 05:38 PM
6-13-2007 (PART II)

HomerJay: "I will also say that some of those gals appear to deserve the douches they're with."
Ed Cunard: "Some of them definitely don't look fresh."

"I believe in making the world better for our children. But not out children's children.

Because children shouldn't be having sex."
~ coke & comics

Michael Pullmann: "We have loons and beaver in America, too."
Jeff Brady: "Leave cross-dressing Giuliani out of this."

"Welcome to the Internet, Billy.

Where the inalienable right to critique people on nearly imperceptible flaws goes hand in hand with super-sizing your snack and fast food intake.

I think the formula is M < F/I X K

M = model, F = Fatness, I = Insecurity and K = average number of keystrokes per day."
~ Ray R.

Joe Rice: "Not a good day. Almost just cancelled Hamlet."
Ed Cunard: "So, 'not to be,' then?"

"'She's Catwoman's daughter? Okay, we'll give her cat powers.'
'Catwoman didn't have powers.'
'Shut up and get me a Latte.'"
~ Typo Lad


Thanks for flying Total Bastard Airlines."
~ Tommy

~ Jack Zodiac

Spackling Compound: "Paris is going to appeal."
Sean Whitmore: "That'd be a first."

"Martini Glasses sounds like a more sophisticated version of Beer Goggles."
~ Pól Rua

"I wish I could menstruate. Then I would always know when to pay the rent."
~ Mac Danny

Spike-X: "Who the hell would want to download episodes of Designing Women?"
Jeff Brady: "What are you doing on Ed's computer?"

"Name actors won't guarantee anything anyway. You could cast Liam Neeson, Ewan Macgregor, Natalie Portman, Christopher Lee, and Samuel L. Jackson in a series of movies, and they could still suck. Right, Jesse?"
~ Gingold

JerrBear81: "Pentagon Confirms It Sought To Build A 'Gay Bomb'"
Drew Van T.: "The HRC has issued a statement saying that they are offended and outraged, but also curious and turned on."

"That make-up job is temporary.

Genital herpes is forever."
~ Dreadstar

Brian Cronin
05-01-2014, 05:38 PM
8-6-2007 (PART I)

"I don't want to come across as a know-it-all now though. I mean, I do, but I don't want to come across as one."
~ Justin Davis

K'Nort: "So in what form do you eat tuna?"
Paul McEnery: "I like to wear the form of a wildebeest."

"Alcohol is the thing to do when depressed.

Or when celebrating something.

Or when having a run-of-the-mill day.

~ coke & comics

Tadhg Adams: "Spike. I'm loving Beryl with the transparencies and the window cube and the fire."
Paul McEnery: "Is that like Jeannie with the light brown hair, but with a much longer melody line."

"I'm contractually obligated not to get into the specifics of how happy and or excited I am for you, but I am happy and or excited for you to some degree which will be decided on at an unspecified, later date."
~ kmeyers

Athena Bast: "Boobies good."
Jared Humpherys: "That pretty much sums up the cosmology of my world."

~ Ed Cunard

"Are you mad at black people for not being more interested in indie comics?"
~ Kid Omega

"Welcome to my world, enjoy your uneventful stay."
~ Deathstroke

Jeff Brady: "I never knew 1/2-ply toilet paper existed, but the people who manage my office building seem to have found it."
gary bolt: "That's crappy."
Jeff Brady: "You don't know the half of it."

"I hope everyone's a Skrull.
Except for the clones.

And the Space Phantoms."
~ Pól Rua

"I've come to the conclusion that if an explanation has layers of conspiracy theory, it's bullshit.

I learned this by being a parent."
~ Winslow

"How can you leave the first appearance of Speedball lying around like that? It should be in some sort of safe."
~ Gingold

"Fireworks are cool, but it bugs me that I can't sleep for a week around Independence Day. Every Hick down in Hickville, the tall and the small, has to get illegal fireworks and set them off until three in the morning."
~ Matt Algren

Winslow: "We went out and ate Vietnamese instead."
Deathstroke: "Did they put up much of a fight?"

"So, Doctor Von Serverlag...
We meet again..."
~ Pól Rua

Alex: "I just thought of the worst idea for a comic ever, and if it hasn't been done, i bet it will be in the future.

And it goes on for 5 months, and it sucks balls, and kurt busiek writes it."
Kurt Busiek: "No.

No, he doesn't.

Trust me, he doesn't."

K'Nort: "In other news, guess who arrives for a five day visit in approximately two hours."
Paul McEnery: "You're that precise about your period?"

"The secret of life?

OK, here goes: A Mommy and a Daddy love each other very much. So much so, in fact, that even though they play kissy-face in Daddy's car, they don't reach under each other's underpants for what seems to Daddy to be many, many months, until one night, after buying Mommy many wine coolers, Daddy convinces Mommy to at least give Daddy an elevator ride around the block. Finally, Mommy harangues Daddy into forking out way too much money for a ring and they get married, whereupon Daddy finally gets to put his hoo-hoo-dilly in Mommy's cha-cha. Then the miracle of conception happens, whereupon Mommy refuses to let Daddy's hoo-hoo-dilly near her, as it may thump Baby in the forehead.

After Baby is born, Mommy is very tired all the time and Daddy spends a lot of time watching the cheerleader competitions late at night on ESPN2.

Sometime later, Daddy moves out of the house for a time, after Mommy catches Daddy and the babysitter doing naked push-ups together.

After 28 years, Baby moves out and Mommy and Daddy spend lots of time together, whereupon Daddy takes up golf. And fishing. And hunting. And poker. And Mommy spends much more time with the pool man than is normally comfortable.

This goes on until one day, Daddy gets a headache that starts in his arm and has to go to the hospital for a very long time. When he comes home, Daddy has to sit in his wheelchair and eat applesauce and Mommy has to change Daddy's diapers. Then, suddenly, Daddy goes to sleep one night and doesn't wake up and is found with his pillow over his head. And Mommy takes the life insurance money and goes on a long cruise with the pool man.

The end."
~ Dr. Hfuhruhurr

"I'm not much of drinker since I had my 'Bon Scott' moment."
~ Athena Bast

"Hmmmm. Baffling. There just might be a possibility that these "parasites" are emanating from you. Are you a succubus of some sort, perchance?"
~ nervmeister

"John's got a BA in Psychology so he obviously knows what he's talking about.

That reminds me, I have to go see a mechanic about my bad back."
~ Iangould

Wesley Dodds: "I had no idea Socrates walked."
BlairH: "Yeah, I was always under the impression that he floated from place to place like David Blane."

"Charlie Hanson was the less know brother of the famous trio. Despite a body count in the 20's, historians will debate his legacy of evil with that of his famous siblings for years."
~ Ryan Kirk

"Well, now I own a stillson wrench.
All I need is one candlestick and I can play real life Clue at home."
~ Guapo Méndez

"The butler. The team-up sequences. The flying snowboard. The omelette making scene. All seemed to cheesey to me. And not the good kind of cheese. The individually wrapped, processed kind."
~ Gingold

Typo Lad: "Here's something to help you non-breeders commit to your lifestyle.

Tot wet the bed last night.

Our bed."
Michael P: "I'm writing a thank-you note to the good people at Trojan Condoms right now."

"We called sock puppets clones at the Crossgen Board.

I had one called Carl Jung and another guy had one called Sigmund Freud, and we would get into debates about the mental health of other posters.

I'm surprised I didn't get banned for that."
~ Winslow

"Tomorow, i'm not going to remind you to breathe, in the hopes that you die."
~ Alex

"Bourbon is like vitamins in a bottle."
~ Joe Rice

"I'll name my next dog mud, and call my niece and nephew motorcycle and tourist."
~ Smoogis

"You can never go wrong with a cover featuring Wonder Woman fighting a bunch of gorillas."
~ Brian Cronin

"I'd like to find the man who invented the Flaming Edgar and shake his hand. After he washed it, of course."
~ Pól Rua

"I'm a bit depressed and angry at myself at the moment.

Maybe downing a $100 bottle of whisky will help."
~ coke & comics

"Microphone killed the opera star!"
~ J. Robb

"It's drinking alone that makes you an alcoholic. Drinking with friends makes you a bon vivant."
~ Gingold

"I think that The Godfather is a really great MOVIE!"
~ kmeyers

"Back in my day, we had Bartles & Jaymes to soften up the young ladies' undercarriages."
~ Ray R.

"I know you!
~ Pól Rua

"On another note, I am DRUNK!"
~ jessecuster3

"It was refreshing hearing someone call my wife an 'Asian ho-bag' and get away with it."
~ Honest Joe Rice

"There's a door,
see it?
Now, go through it.

then come back cause that's the bathroom.
Use the other door."

~ Rallura

"My booze-fuelled irresponsibility senses are tingling all to bejeezus and back!"
~ Pól Rua

"No guys like comics, except for ugly ones. Only girls like comics- everybody knows that! I've never seen a guy in a comic shop, and if anyone says they have, they're living a lie.

In other news, you're dead to me."
~ Kid Omega

"Never let it be said I don't do the right thing htere.

I a m ver y drunk right now"
~ Joe Rice

Sonicjuce: "I am an English major."
Ray R.: "What do you where to English class?"

"I am a guy, so when I tell you one thing, I mean that one thing."
~ Mac Danny

Matt Algren: "I thought the scene with Hal jacking off into Roy's old Arsenal costume was a bit over the top."
ragnarok_2012: "If not for Identity Crisis, I'd automatically assume you were kidding..."
Gingold: "Sure it sounds creepy when you take it out of context like that."

Brian Cronin
05-01-2014, 05:39 PM
8-6-2007 (PART II)

"I just figured Brando needed that butter for an english muffin or something."
~ Gingold

Legionair: "I write for a living"
Josh S: "I was going to make a snide comment, but then I remembered I'm grossly underqualified for my job as well."

"Deathstroke calls his garage a 'car hole'."
~ Gingold

Matt Linton: "Both books sell more than Cable/Deadpool, Heroes For Hire, and Spider-Girl."
Jake V: "2 of them will be cancelled by the end of the year."
StrikeForce Albert: "Not if old men posing as young girls have anything to say about it"

"I have no idea what you are saying. You might as well go back to posting in French, at least then I can make out every third word."
~ Merey

Brian Cronin
05-01-2014, 05:39 PM

"Huey Lewis and the News is the greatest band of all time, highly underrated. Had a lot of great songs.

That was my jessecuster moment of the day."
~ Dom

"if your account gets hacked, it means popularity

not that I'm complaining about mine not being hacked, I'm just complaining about my internet penis envy"
~ Thorlief

"Ah, the internet.
Where men are men, women are men, and children are men with badges.


Honestly, you can't even trust the elf centaurs with penis tentacles anymore."
~ Pól Rua

Dr. Hfuhruhurr: "Excellent. Good to see our boys at the Onion banging on Favre."
Jared_Humpherys: "You're not jealous?"

"Where's Ed? We need the Nelly Squad in full effect."
~ Paul McEnery

Superbeast: "Everything is a potential bong if it has three dimensions and two chambers."
Gingold: "You could build a bong out of Congress."

"Not in a bong. Not for a song.
Not in a blunt. Not on a hunt.
Not in a pipe. Not with a snipe.
Not in a joint. Not at the pointe.
Not in a roach. Not in a coach.

I do not like green buds and smoke. I do not like them, not a joke."
~ Gingold

"I don't control the 8-ball. I just obey it."
~ Brandon Hanvey

Lone Ranger: "Eating at Hooters for the food is the culinary equivalent of reading Playboy for the articles."
Ed Cunard: "Actually, the articles in PLAYBOY do tend to be pretty good. They print fiction from people like Joyce Carol Oates, Thom Jones, and Tobias Wolff.

I'd say it's the culinary equivalent of reading Hustler for the articles."
Dreadstar: "John Updike."
Ed Cunard: "I think that might be a different magazine."

Stellar: "I think Sir Tim Drake's right, people would probably get bored after the first ten minutes."
Puma: "Not Americans. We like explosions, car chases, and mayhem.

Just look at our foreign policy."

"I was so dissapointed when I found out the lyrics in We Built this City were not in fact 'my pony plays La Bamba'.

Those lyrics made that song."
~ Ryan K

"I'm Irish. We use pale bellies as a kind of sex lighthouse on dark, stormy nights."
~ Pól Rua

Stellar: "So like, what happens after we close up shop?"
Pól Rua: "The Roybots and the Cronbots come in and tidy up all the pee, the dead hookers and the munky poo, we flush out all the taps of all the sour, flat beer, hose out the buffet, and start mucking the place up allover again.
Usually, howy presents us with two bottles and a racoon has sex with a dog.

I feel for that poor ol' dog, but tradition's tradition."

howyadoin: "I don't understand how you manage to keep that joke so fresh."
Pól Rua: "I'm drunk.

Alcohol's a natural preservative. It keeps jokes funny for ages."

"If there is something the greeks know about, aside from anal sex, it's Yogurt."
~ Mac Danny

"I can't help but get a boner when I even hear the words 'shoot' ''em' or 'up' at this point."
~ Joe Rice

"Chicks should be naked. They shouldn't be punished for it unless they are fat and/or ugly."
~ Forefinger

Nikita: "Paris, Lindsay and Brittney, I'm sick to death of. I wish they'd all go swimming and drown somewhere."
SPAfreak: "That's a bit harsh isn't it?

It should happen over a period of months so the media could milk it properly."

"An advantage the Buffy comics have over the show is that you can pretend that acting is good."
~ Gingold

"When winter comes I'll be posting like a chimp with down syndrome on crystal meth."
~ Tadhg Adams

Athena Bast: "When did Bon Jovi become a country act?"
Ray R.: "He's a cowboy. On a steel horse he rides."

"So, I don't know how many of you guys drink microbrewery beers, but one of my favorites is Magic Hat, and they writes these messages under bottlecaps. Like fortune cookies for alcoholics. Anyway, I just opened a Circus Boy and my bottlecap said, "How did you get like this?"

Wow. Very profound, bottlecap. How did I get like this? Maybe I wasn't hugged enough as a kid. Maybe my mom and dad did a shitty job raising me. Maybe Uncle Dan giving me my first beer when I was eight wasn't such a good idea! Maybe I don't have anything to look forward to at the end of the day but the bottom of a bottle! Fuck you, bottlecap! Stop judging me!"
~ Jack Zodiac

Brian Cronin
05-01-2014, 05:40 PM

"A lot of shit cheap is still a lot of shit."
~ Guapo Méndez

"I'm very familiar with Carlin's 7 words, just saw the word 'tits' and got excited enough to post out of context. "
~ beetheb

"At our High school you're not allowed to leave unless you're crazy. If you are crazy, all you have to do to leave is ask. But only crazy people would stay, so as soon as you ask to leave you are no longer considered crazy. I'm going crazy in here!

It should have tipped me off when they renamed the school Joseph Heller High."
~ Demon wizard

"Jesus Christ, do you have a string on your back you pull to bring up nonsensical point after nonsensical point?"
~ Jack Zodiac

Tages: "Now with howy gone, I can take over Rita's.

*organizes coup, rounds up dissidents, marches in victory parade*"
Spike-X: "I knew it!

Libertarian, my arse!"
Tages: "You will be the first against the wall."

"Pot gives you fat fingers! And it makes your dog talk to you.

Huh... wait, what's the downside of smoking pot, again?"
~ Jack Zodiac

Stellar: "I thought Ed had a vagina."
Ed Cunard: "I did, but then it started fucking some other guy."

".....uh, yay buttsex?"
~ Squirrel

"Let me know if I become tiresome . . er, more than usual."
~ Winslow

"Elton still hasn't written "Candle in the Wind 2007" for Anna Nicole Smith.

'Goodbye Triple D's...'"
~ Valmore

coke & comics: "I think I've been through most. Anger, joy, sorrow, hunger, sleepiness."
Pól Rua: "You only need Bashful and Doc for the whole set."

"You think walking a cute dog will pull you some hot chicks, try walking a bear with a hat."
~ Ryan K

Joe Rice: "I dipped into my stash of George T. Stagg."
Michael P: "Isn't that Metamorpho's father-in-law?"

"I'm probably the only person who's had a 'date' end badly with a heated argument about Woodrow Wilson."
~ Mike Smash!

darkhanamaru: "i need a good santeria curse to send to my client who just did an absolutely stupid thing"
Paul McEnery: "Curse them to like Gambit."

"Okay, now, wait, yeah, I think I got it.

So the principle is, if you don't let nazis run around recruiting vicious and ignorant thugs, then soon you won't have any nazis around at all to...

No, no.

Just give me a minute..."
~ Paul McEnery

"I'm sure if you keep re-arranging the words in that sentence, you'll find the joke eventually."
~ Dr. Hfuhruhurr

Matt Algren: "I set 'em up, you knock 'em down."
thespianphryne: "It's better than setting them down and..."

"This fup language is getting to my ones."
~ Matt Algren

Super Hero Guy: "What if there were a 'cure' for homosexuality?"
captain_unimpressive: "It depends.

Is the pill a suppository?"

"Every time you change an alias to a real name a baby angel dies of syphilis."
~ Pól Rua

"Gabies are what you get if you get bitten by a homosexual dog."
~ Gingold

"I'm sorry, but until the Nobel committee acknowledges my pioneering efforts in the field of 'No Fatties' t-shirts, I'm not going to give them a damn minute of my time."
~ Agent Helix

"Let's see.....what rhymes with Quesada......



Hello, Muddah, Hello Fadda, Here I am at Camp Grenada?"
~ Ray R.

"Shouldn't Axl get Chinese Democracy completed before singing on the horse blow job soundtrack thing?"
~ Gingold

howyadoin: "They killed Jimmy Olson and left us with...

I dunno, who's lamer than Jimmy?"
Tadhg Adams: "Giant Turtle Boy"
Pól Rua: "You make Giant Turtle Boy cry."
Tadhg Adams: "What's he ever done for me?"
Pól Rua: "Dude! It's GIANT TURTLE BOY!"

"I don't get why it is Shiny, but it's Ross. Everything he draws looks like it's been cum on by fan boys."
~ Mac Danny on the new Captain America

"It's a bird! It's a plane!


Holy shit, I think it's Liberace."
~ Dr. Hfuhruhurr on the new Captain America

"Everytime I pick up my newborn daughter, she tries to breastfeed. If that isn't incentive to hit the gym, I don't know what is."
~ Lone Ranger

"You know, I became a honorary member of the Pequot Indian Tribe after I spent fourteen straight hours playing blackjack at Foxwoods Casino. It's one of the comps there.

Just call me Ray Doublesdown-Often. I'll use it for all the work I get in the comics industry once they open the doors of the Old Boys & Gail Simone Club."
~ Ray R.

"When I bake Doug chocolate chip cookies, he loves me for one week solid.

Long enough for me to hide the money."
~ bipolar danger girl

Nikita: "I take sex very seriously. It's not a laughing matter."
Michael P: "It is the way I do it."

"My family's German/Czech. When we run out of living room, we invade ourselves."
~ Michael P

"Why would I want two copies? This isn't X-Force #1 we're talking here."
~ DonC

"I wish one of the super powers on Heroes was 'good acting.'"
~ jesse_custer

fly on the wall: "Lola Falana is dead?

God I feel so old."
Paul McEnery: "Don't bother God about it. You're older than him, too."

"Ed, for a guy that apparently fucks dictionaries, you're getting your ass kicked at Scrabble a LOT."
~ Agent Helix

Brian Cronin
05-01-2014, 05:41 PM

Michael P: "There are apparently a great number of people who care who gets to publish a comic called 'Harbinger' or 'Dr. Mirage.'"
Typo Lad: "The end is Nigh."

"Oh like YOU never Meditate..

Meditate is the one where you touch yourself, right?"
~ Mac Danny

K'Nort: "You'd have to be able to imagine Power Girl as a redhead."
Jeff Brady: "Oh, like that'll take a lot of brain power."

"While I like Suydam as an artist - the whole zombie thing seems like fresh lipstick on an old whore."
~ Lone Ranger

"It just occured to me that Xanax is a palindrome.

That's Creepy, but not really Eerie."
~ Lone Ranger again

Agent Helix: "Dom I will kick you in the scrotum so hard that a child will explode in Bangladesh."
Dom: "I will take your mother out for a nice seafood dinner and never call her again!"

HomerJay: "I guess 'conspiracy nuts' is a less painful condition than 'blue balls'."
Michael P: "'Conspiracy nuts' is what you get when a woman's friends conspire to prevent her from going home with you."

"I think getting stabbed at a Barenaked Ladies concert is the definition of adding insult to injury."
~ Gingold

jessecuster3: "If you have no idea how something works, why in hell would you try to write software to do it?"
Jared_Humpherys: "Ask Microsoft."

Michael P: "Now I've got a Star Trek/Muppets crossover in my head that won't go away..."
Kid Omega: "Farscape?"

"I was thinking the other day that the reason places like World of Warcraft and Second Life do well is that everyone hates their life and wants to be someone else.

Has technology made it impossible for people to accept that their life may be nothing more than the day to day grind and Sunday mowing the lawn?

Do we wish to have better lives so strongly that we fail to see the simple pleasures of the one we are living?

I think there comes a time when you must realize a certain amount of suck in your life will always be there and parading around the internet as an elf isn't going to change that.

What happened to the generations of the past that were content with what hand life dealt them.

Is it ironic that I post this on a message board?"
~ Mac Danny

"How much older does Mark Millar have to get before we can sweep him under the rug as the next John Byrne?"
~ Tadhg Adams

howyadoin: "Mornin', fuckers. How was your weekend?"
jessecuster3: "Mine must have been good, I lost so many brain cells even Algren can beat me at scrabble."

jessecuster3: "According to EW they hate Dane Cook as well, but said he fit the part well in this movie."
Agent Helix: "I hope the part is 'Man stricken with debilitating leprosy'."

Typo Lad: "Oh, and it turns out the guy is actually missing bits of his brain."
Dreadstar: "You're being redundant, again. You already said he was married."

Dreadstar: "Renee Montoya is The Question..."
Slam_Bradley: "That doesn't seem to be the appropriate answer."

howyadoin: "Those wacky teenagers! Is there no end to their teenage tomfoolery?"
Paradox: "**shakes fist** They're ruining our country with their rumble seats, raccoon coats and Rudy Vallee records!!!!"

Indy24LA: "Three of my friends (2 guys and 1 girl) are going through break-ups of fairly long relationships right now and I've been there for them, listening and consoling."
StoneGold: "Those kind of relationships always have trouble. I couldn't do it. Besides, I'd always have an irrational fear of accidentally touching the other guy's elbow while we were tag teaming her or something."

Typo Lad: "I wonder... what if someone made a camp for curing straight people?"
Michael P: "What, you mean like dancing lessons?"

Dom: "If anyone hates their job more than me, then you sir/madam, are most likely contemplating suicide."
Matt Algren: "You can have the second bullet, but the first one's mine."

Matt Algren: "I'm thinking of a number between one and fuck you."
Agent Helix: "Is it twelve?"

"Finding a bad USAgent costume is like finding an opinionated nerd on the internet."
~ coke & comics

BoosterBronze: "Schizophrenia is NOT the same thing as multiple personality disorder. Frankly for that mixup, I blame The Who's "Quadraphenia" album."
Black Atom: "I'm pretty sure I learned it didn't work that way from Batman the Animated Series. Are you telling me you're smarter than Batman?"

"I've had a sore throat since I quit smoking.

I probably shouldn't have taken up cocksucking to get my mind off nicotine."
~ Agent Helix

Paul McEnery: "You need a good editor."
pariah-1972: "Would that be the kind of editor that actually 'edits', or the comic book kind that forces you to kill off characters?"

"Dartmouth sounds like the lamest Dick Tracy villain ever."
~ Pól Rua

Jeff Brady: "What wine goes with Captain Crunch?"
Mac Danny: "For captain Crunch I recommend keeping the Naval theme and have it with Captain Morgan's

Captain Crunch, Captain Morgan and Captain Kangaroo is 'breakfast with the captains'."

Brian Cronin
05-01-2014, 05:41 PM

Dr. Hfuhruhurr: "Anybody want to smack me in the head with a hammer?"
Jared_Humpherys: "Long have I waited for this day."

"Why bother coming up with a well-reasoned and well thought out argument for your opinions when you can steal someone else's illogical fallacies."
~ Rattlehead

Slam_Bradley: "Not even God looks good in spandex."
Michael P: "Could God create a fabric so ugly, even He wouldn't look good in it?"

"The 21st Century. Where you can be nagged simultaneously in two separate media."
~ Paul McEnery

"I have to say, evoking THE DA VINCI CODE isn't really a very good way to get anyone that has any deep knowledge of or interest in - well, practically anything, really - to take your ideas very seriously"
~ JeffreyWKramer

Tadhg Adams: "What did you have to glue together to get Sea-life telepathy?"
kmeyers: "I just jingled my shiny keys in front of them and said, 'Who's a good fishy!? You're a good fishy! Now go out and do my bidding.'"
FunkyGreenJerusalem: "How did they jingle under-water?"
Tadhg Adams: "The same way Aquaman drinks Gin and Tonics underwater, Super-Science."

"Oh don't worry, I know my Dick.

He's given me many hours of late night pleasure."
~ FunkyGreenJerusalem

"I'm going to add a new axiom to use in a guideline of my life. I hope I can exercise it enough for it to become second nature.

'If the person you're talking to doesn't get something that is so glaringly self-evident that you feel stupider at the mere thought of having to explain it, it's best to just drop that part of the conversation and move on. Like to the next room, next person, or next bottle of alcohol.'"
~ Dreadstar

"Do you think it is coincidence that replicant and republican sound so similar. Beings similar in every way to humans except lacking in empathy and emotion."
~ Mac Danny

"Complacency and ineptitude are so rampant, I sometimes feel like it's an accident if water comes out of my faucet."
~ The Mutt

Jeff Brady: "I see we needed a drama fix."
Dr. Hfuhruhurr: "I'll say. Here's what I know so far:

Agent Helix and MacDanny are having an affair, right under the nose of MacDanny's lover, Nick Soapdish, who is, of course, the ex-husband of Nikita. Well, one of the four, anyway.

Agent Helix is actually posing as his twin brother, Ben Morgan, because he's running from thespianphryne, the corrupt police detective who is being blackmailed by morna, the crime boss who is also pregnant with Spike-X's lovechild, or so she thinks, because the father is actually Tadhg Adams, who slept with morna while posing as Spike-X because they both wore the same Martian Manhunter costume on Halloween.

Meanwhile, Jared Humpherys, the illegitimate son of Typo Lad and Puma, is back in town, under the name "Matt Algren," and has recently been hired as an "escort" by Ed Cunard, operator of the local brothel. Cunard knows Humpherys is Typo and Puma's son and is using him in an attempt to gain revenge on Typo, after Typo, Ray R. and Dom killed Cunard's father so that they could take over his invention, the fruit roll-up, for themselves.

And, the dark and mysterious Slam_Bradley and the town rich kid, Guapo Mendez, are still fighting over Gladiaria_Alata, whose true love, Chris Nowlin, remains in prison, after being wrongfully convicted of murder by the prosecutor, Winslow, after Gladiaria_Alata lied on the stand to point the finger at Nowlin so as to protect her brother, howyadoin, the real killer. No one knows that howyadoin is the mysterious man wrapped in bandages being cared for by Gilda Dent at the creepy old Rallura mansion who is claiming to have amnesia.

Also, Justin Davis is still threatening to divorce Athena Bast, after finding out that she's sleeping with SUPERECWFAN1 (and Michael P and Josh S and gary bolt and StoneGold, but Davis doesn't know that). Davis' stepbrother, Dreadstar, revealed the truth to him in a drunken rage after Dreadstar found out that their stepfather, Lone Ranger, left Davis millions in Safeway Fun Bucks. Little does either of them know that the family attorney, HomerJay, stole millions more while acting as the personal representative of the estate. Kid Omega knows, however, and as the long lost step-cousin in-law and rightful inheritor of the Ranger's estate, he is determined to make HomerJay pay.

Bast, on the other hand, has just found out that she has 6 months to live because she contracted Malingingingi Fever on her last trip to Burundi to try to find jessecuster3, the one who stole her family fortune. Jessecuster3, you'll remember, was formerly i_mmmchocolate, until the operation by Dr. Hfuhruhurr, who isn't really a doctor, but he did sleep at a Holiday Inn Express last night.

There. I think that explains everything."

"Any boy that has a half naked poster of Rob Lowe and/or Burt Reynolds is straight as an arrow I tell you what. It's not like it was a poster of a half naked Judd Nelson for God's sake."
~ The Zapper

"I adopted a cat with a defective butt hole.

The upshot was that she required surgery to repair her butt hole. After said surgery, ointment had to be applied.


Guess who got that job?

No wonder the cat follows me wherever I go."
~ Dr. Hfuhruhurr

"When my childhood was raped, it took years to talk about it. Finally, it was able to express itself by showing the 'uh oh' marks on a Superman mego doll and it pointed out the retcon marks, the continuity scars and finally, it wept when it pointed to the rear end and said, 'This where the Didio goes'..."
~ Spackling Compund

"Baltimore is like an old hooker, worn out, ugly, broken down, and full of crabs."
~ Mac Danny

"Chili Dogs are great. I know they suck some but I really enjoy the occasional 7-11 big bite with that 'chili' that looks like baby poop.

Fill up the other side of the paper container and you have a hot dog and bowl of chili for 1.99!

Then you have the next 6 hours of it dribbling out of your ass."
~ Mac Danny

HomerJay: "Dread, you are the Bob Guccione of food porn."
Dreadstar: "Never.

The Vaseline ruins the taste."

"Are you calling Americans easily offended? HOW DARE YOU!"
~ Demon wizard

"To hell with your figures! Drinking is not science; drinking is art.

Ray, check the box office figures and back me up."
~ Dr. Hfuhruhurr

"Marginally better is never synonymous with good."
~ Ray R.

Chris Nowlin: "I'm more fun than the Twilight Zone"
Paul McEnery: "I would rather hang out with you than have my head cut off by a helicopter blade, yes."

Michael P: "Wow. Jeph Loeb's favorite comic of 2007 was a Jeph Loeb comic."
Snowspinner: "Well it's not like anybody else was going to pick one."

Brian Cronin
05-01-2014, 05:42 PM

Nitmo: "I'm throwing my vote in for Kid Omega he has really come a long way since I first met him."
Doug Strange: "I also cast my vote for Kid Omega for much the same reason. He used to be AWFUL, HORRIBLE, TERRIBLE, UNREADABLE, but now I find he has risen to the level of 'merely tolerable.'"
Awesome Rita: "I agree. I used to want to MURDER Kid Omega's FAMILY, but now I just think he sucks. So for that he gets my vote! Way to go, K.O.!"

"For most of my life, I have been searching.

Searching for an answer to one of life's most difficult questions.

Recently, I found that I was not the only one.

Yes, there were others who wanted to know what was the gayest looking Mecha in fiction."
~ Brian Cronin

Chris Nowlin: "He's about as successful with women as I am."
gary bolt: "Oh, the poor bastard."

"I couldn't help thinking that, if I'd been shot, I'd be phoning a doctor, not a wrestler."
~ Rik Levins

"Jesus, how many "i"s are in "shit?" Have I been spelling it wrong all these years?"
~ Jack Zodiac

Joe Rice: "Except calculus never makes for good conversation."
Ray R.: "How derivative."

Pól Rua: "I think something just broke inside my head."
Paul McEnery: "Let's hope it's not the spring."

"I want to commit a series of brutal, unforgivable crimes against both Man and God. Then after I'm dead, I want someone to direct a sobering biopic about my life that reminds everyone I was still a human being.

Here's hoping no one uses the title Nun-Fucker until then."
~ Sean Whitmore

"I like my wine like I like my women. Sweet, and in an airtight bag that's then stuffed in a box."
~ Agent Helix

Kid Omega: "Lord Edward, you shall oversee those threads that speak of the wrestling sports."
Ed Cunard: "I shall 'lay the smackdown' under the honor and banner of your name, my liege."

Paul McEnery: "Can't get your broomstick up in the air? Or just not fast enough to lay hands on the Golden Snitch?"
Sean Whitmore: "The main problem is probably that he gets your references."

"I like to call oral sex 'makin' throat babies.'"
~ StoneGold

Matt Algren: "What kind of berries are we talking about?"
Jared Humpherys: "Not dingle, I hope."

Winslow: "Now all you need to do is rope the moon and sing Buffalo Bill won't You Come out Tonight."
Paradox: "Unless he REALLY wants to put the lotion in the basket, he'd better sing Buffalo GAL Won't You Come Out Tonight?"

"Does Todd McFarlane still have his balls? I heard he'd got rid of them a while ago."
~ Spike-X

K'Nort: "Where fierce passion and cool objectivity coincide—like a ride through the New Mexico landscape.

Not quite sure how that's supposed to taste."
Squirrel: "Like boiled semen over ice."

Ray R.: "If I had to deal with the general public's problems, I'd kill myself."
Paul McEnery: "Only, I hope, with your last bullet."

"Yorrick's penis falls off and you find out he's been a woman all along.

'But how did Beth #2 get pregnant?'

One word: Mephisto."
~ Ronald Bryan, predicting the final issue of Y: The Last Man

~ Typo Lad

"I've been having married sex for 17 years and I still don't understand 90% of the conversations about sex."
~ Winslow

"Nanu Nanu, Mr. Cruise."
~ Khan Zor-El

Chris Nowlin: "In other news, I'm in love with everything morna touches."
Athena Bast: "Run, gary. RUN!"

"all the hotties know that their LCS is the place to hook up with earth's sexiest guys!!! what woman can resist the charms of a grown man dressed as harry potter, frodo, or darth vader???"
~ aut0matic

Ed Cunard: "Well, cranberry would help your urinary tract..."
Agent Helix: "What is it, your period?"
thespianphryne: "Strawberry is good for that."
Ed Cunard: "I don't think I've ever had strawberry juice."
Agent Helix: "No wonder you're always menstruating."

"Why, I'm old enough to be your.....slightly older friend."
~ Ray R.

"Spielberg could turn MacBeth into a paean to entrepreneurial individualism."
~ Paul McEnery

howyadoin: "Powerpoint is the tool of the devil."
jessecuster3: "What does he do? Show you a presentation of your punishment?

Beezlebub: 'This next slide should be Sisyphus.... dammit, it's upside down.'"

"Fuck Scientology and the Top Gun midget they rode in on."
~ Ray R.

"I really don't see how anyone could fuck up flying space ostriches that battle each other over hot lava pits."
~ kmeyers

Karl J Barnes: "I've just assumed, since Roswell, that we've been ruled by alien invaders."
Jared Humpherys: "Put on the goddamn sunglasses, Karl."

"Anything But Xenu - A light-hearted romp where a crazed Scientologist actor falls for a much younger women with a brain disability. Hilarity ensues. Pilot: Our hero solidifies his mystical hold with televised couch jumping.

This fall on FOX!"
~ Paradox

Ray R.: "I, for one, welcome our Kool-Aid overlords."
shades of eternity: "Oh Yeah!"

"It's my thetan, and I'll cry if I want to. Cry if I want to.

You'd cry too, if it happened Xenu.
"~ Ray R.

"Why do husbands die before their wives?

Because they can."
"~ zilch

"Justin, I'm glad to see you're finally taking steps to get yourself some Moorcock. Some people balk when I suggest getting Moorcock to them, but you're not afraid to get as much Moorcock as you can possibly take, and I respect that. I hope you enjoy Moorcock."
"~ Michael P

Spike-X: "Welcome to my world! When I was a kid, the only comics we had here in Australia were black and white reprints of (mostly) DC Comics, both current (at the time), and vintage stories."
gary bolt: "I guess they blew the budget on translation costs.

'Gday Lois. Reckon you'll join Jimmy and me over by the Billabong later? Bring a few Sheilas.'"

"I had a customer at work approach, looking for books on other planets. When I showed them the Astronomy section, they told me they had been looking in the Travel section."
"~ Mike Smash!

"In a society that constantly lies to it's citizens, is it really that difficult to believe people don't know fantasy from reality.
I mean, King Arthur an amalgam of real British kings and warriors is thought presented as on of Britain's greatest heroes. But there are so many elements of myth that it drives you crazy. Wizards, Dragons mystical swords, but there was figure named Arthur who fought to unify the Brittons.
We tell kids Columbus discovered America, Santa Claus has elves making them gifts, A giant rabbit hides colorful hardboiled eggs and fairy takes their teeth and exchanges them for quarters. For f**ks sake, we have blue monsters frogs and purple dinosaurs teaching them how to read.
If people can't differentiate reality from fiction these days, who can blame them."
"~ Your Imaginary Pal

HomerJay: "Goddamnit, some days I wish I lived in a world where Frank Castle actually existed."
Mac Danny: "I am just happy I live in a world where White Castle exists."

"Watch out, San Francisco! He might have TWO sips this time!"
"~ Matt Algren

"Really, people, stop turning your anger inwards and put it where it belongs: On people with happy lives."
"~ Michael P

Typo Lad: "Fuck this, I'm going to bed."
tricksterpup: "2 phrases I love to hear from your mouth."

"I have decided I like 50% cotton 50% polyester blend t-shirts better than 100% cotton T-Shirts.

The blended shirts fit better after repeated washing.

Please update your spreadsheets accordingly."
"~ Mac Danny

Brian Cronin
05-01-2014, 05:42 PM

"My sister's a hermaphrodite.

Well, she's my half-sister, really."
~ Matt Algren

"I don't mind leaving clothes on during sex. It's kinda hot sometimes. Like leavin' on a skirt or boots, or a tank top pulled up just enough to show some nipple. Yeah... my girlfriend loves it when I wear stuff like that."
~ Jack Zodiac

"Speaking of sock puppets, I wonder if JN Weasel is still taking a bath"
~ Ben Morgan

Paul McEnery: "Hey now, I'm trying to scare Charles, not give him a woody!"
thespianphryne: "Why so binary, Paul?"

"No, no, god only hates *men* who masturbate. Because it wastes sperm. It's not like I shit out an egg every time I....

Wait. Why am I having this conversation?"
~ Squirrel

Dreadstar: "What Lies Beneath remains the perfect example to me. I mean, that was supposed to be the huge WTF!?!?! moment, and you gave it in the trailer?"
Dr. Hfuhruhurr: "Like you've never given it away in a trailer."

jessecuster3: "An amateur porn of you and Sarah would be better than Smokin' Aces."
Jared_Humpherys: "And only slightly less violent."

"If The Rock presented me with a stick of gum I would scream like a 10 year old school girl at a Hannah Montana concert."

Jeff Brady: "There is a doggie in the office, and it's pay day.

The only way the day could get better is if I got laid."
Mac Danny: "I am sure if you ask the dog nicely...."

howyadoin: "How do I find Google? That's on the internet, right?"
Matt Algren: "Is the 'internet' the same as email? And what's a web log? Can the pictures on my screen see into my house?"

DoctorDoom: "I never understood what the obsession is with blow-up dolls."
Ben Morgan: "It's StoneGold, you don't have to understand him."

jessecuster3: "Slowpoke."
DoctorDoom: "Sometimes better than a 'fastpoke'."

"Open your dick sucker and learn to talk."
~ Mac Danny

"DDR can't be gay! I've seen several people from the Village--

Oh my god!"
~ DoctorDoom

Jack Zodiac: "This beard has given some fun rides."
PatrickG: "Really? Where did she drive you? The Y?"

Crowforge: "Painfully single, anyone want to help with this problem?"
mattx110: "A/S/L??????"

"I'm part English, and part Irish. Most days I kick my own ass and then go get drunk and then retaliate against myself."
~ Abomination

"I think more men should be encouraged to wait for sex.

All the rest of you, now that I think of it."
~ Paul McEnery

"How about you run to the Starbucks and order yourself a nice hot cup of suck my dick fuckface."
~ Squirrel

"I knew a guy back in CA who thought he was quite the pick-up artist. Problem was, he was creepy old (well, about as old as I am now, but this was 10-12 years ago). Anyway, one night we're at a bar and talking with a big group of girls. Chris made a big show of buying a round of drinks. He handed one to one of the girls, who promptly dropped it on the floor.

So, he bought her another one and, as he handed it to her, said (in a loud voice), "OK, put two hands on this one so you don't drop it. C'mon, let's put two hands on our beer." Etc, etc.

Only then did Chris, and everyone else to their horror, realize that her left arm ended at the wrist."
~ Dr. Hfuhruhurr

mattx110: "Remember the simple rule of a successful interview.

'Start with a handshake, end with a job'."
K'Nort: "That doesn't really work when everyone is female.

It doesn't really occur to us to shake hands."
Spike-X: "What do you do, then? Pillow fight in your underwear?"
K'Nort: "It's the custom in Australia too?"

"You're sad, Captain America. How can you really represent America? Have you ever played Scrabulous on Facebook? Super-poked someone? You're an anachronism."
~ Ray R.

"I feel like cliche boy, the illegitimate son of platitude man."
~ Winslow

Ed Cunard: "You often picture me running. Usually, though, it's me running towards you across a flower-filled field in slow-motion."
Jared_Humpherys: "Your bonnet bobbing merrily in the sunlight."

"I could while away the hours,
taking the girls flowers,
and feeling little shame.
And my nuts I'd be scratchin'
and other thoughts I'd be hatchin'
If I only had a brain."
~ thehod

Slam_Bradley: "Well...first they came for the donut workers."
Agent Helix: "Then they came for the burger flippers, and I did not speak out.

Then they came for the pizza deliverers, and I did not speak out.

By the time they got around to me, it was pretty easy to outrun the tubby bastards."

"Whiskey! Its like a sweater on the inside."
~ jessecuster3

i_mmmchocolate: "Anyone ever had a Pisco sour?"
Paul McEnery: "Mine usually starts sour."

"Do I need to be sad before I can talk about indie music? I thought that was just for emo."
~ ImpulseUCF

"The only women I flirt with here are Lena, morna, Morts, and Ed."
~ Jeff Brady

"I took two years off from posting and when I got back howy and Funky had converted CBR into a giant bong."
~ Wesley Dodds

"I have to read The Joy Luck Club for tomorrow's class. Not only am I growing a vagina, but I'm growing it sideways."
~ Ed Cunard

"I know from a friend's experience, coming out of the closet and not realizing it's April first means you have to do it about 6 more times before your parents believe you."
~ mattx110

Ed Cunard: "I introduced you to two women folk. The other one may be moving to Chicago, in fact."
Agent Helix: "But neither of them were five inches tall or could turn into go-karts."

"I can't really see the appeal in monthlies anymore. They're too expensive, full of ads, too easily damaged, and hard to keep track of. That, and they accumulate faster than crabs on a sorority girl."
~ Agent Helix

"See, the thing is.

The way. The way that Bendis y'know, writes.
It's hard.

To have it on all the book.

All the books. Marvel is producing."
~ mattx110

Justin Davis: "Maybe this comes from watching audience try to hard to be funnier than the people on stage when getting suggestions during improv shows (I'm not afraid in the least to promote myself), but I see that happen a lot here. People are so busy trying to amuse themselves or others, mostly through mocking the other person, that the actual topic of the thread is often disregarded. Too much effort trying to create witty banter and not enough conversations."
Dreadstar: "You seem to have quite an ear for that, in fact."

"Because apparently the new breed of fanboys is corporate suckups who hate Alan Moore for being independent and hate Siegel's estate for reclaiming ownership and hate the Hollywood writers for daring to go on strike for their rights because artists are bitch slave whores who ought to THANK THEM FOR THE PRIVILEGE of licking out the dingleberries from their taint."
~ Paul McEnery

Brian Cronin
05-01-2014, 05:43 PM

superbeast: "The short answer is: if dude puts in work and next dude fucks with that work, dude gets pissed and doesn't want his name on the shit next dude put out because he doesn't want half assed bullshit interpretations credited to him."
Lance: "Yeah, dude."

"I don't want four more years of no Incredibles, I never voted for this!"
~ kmeyers

berk: "water -> wine = ? -> toffee"
jobies201: "I will solve this! SAT's have helped me in real life!

water- -> wine = dog shit -> toffee!"

"Women isn't a language. They've got freaky empathic receptors located in their bosoms that pick up on emotions. But it's not a language. Like you wouldn't count dogs sniffing each other's asses as a language, would you? Same thing."
~ StoneGold

"WE get it, you're young and tender.

Free me from your hypnotic suggestiveness!!!"
~ mattx110

"I usually post while sitting in a sepulchurl dark room with nothing but the sickly yellow glow of the monitor to illuminate the shadows of my life. (usually naked too.)

Now with the new pallette, the room is too bright, throwing the stygian blackness of my attic into a horrific contrast. There's something in the shadows. Oh god. The horror. The horror."
~ BoosterBronze

"When I got my 7,000th post, YouTube was an actual tube you looked down to see a monkey washing a cat."
~ Ray R.

Forefinger: "You suck enough dick and someone is bound to say something nice about you."
tricksterpup: "you know you have the prettiest eyes."

"Isn't it funny that shortly after the shift from newsprint to glossy paper, comic writers started making books more fitting to wipe your ass with than read?"
~ Jack Zodiac

"I remember watching a news report or some kind of item long ago about how men and women process spatial relationships slightly differently, and one of the litmus tests they used was actually 3D racing games. Overall, men fared better on the average with them because of how we cognate distances in real-time based on our own spatial rele...

Oh fuck it. This is taking too long to build up to the punchline.

Why didn't they let Helen Keller drive? Because she was a woman."
~ Agent Helix

"[Narcissus] is so vain, he probably thinks this psychological disorder is about him."
~ Michael P

Ray R.: "I'd be surprised if Michael Bay could even spell 'subtext'."
Mac Danny: "He spells it K-A-B-O-O-M."

"Bush meets Pope! What a diverse set of leaders. One can barely speak English and thinks he the embodiment of God! And the other is the leader of the Catholic Church."
~ Abomination

"I also use Johnny Mnemonic to remember that Keanu can't act."
~ Paradox

Jack Zodiac: "Damn, they're old now? That makes me feel old! Quick, where're Bret and Rick? I need to feel young again."
morna: "There's always me Jack. I can make you feel young again.

hand me those pliers"

"Making a mix is like making love. You have to be smooth, explore the sounds, but make it all come together. Not throw a bunch of random stuff together and hope for the best."
~ Jack Zodiac

"Mark Millar said a bad thing! Make him go to bed with no supper!"
~ Paul McEnery

howyadoin: "Women don't sweat, so Doc should be okay."
DrewTheXenocide: "Oh, I forgot, potpourri comes out of their pores."
Jack Zodiac: "And they crap flowers and vomit rainbows and - wait... were we talking about women or Care Bears?"

"Whenever there is a low cut sweater in need of gawking.. He'll be there
Whenever a child first learns to use the F-word.. He'll be there.
Whenever a man gets hit in the groin with a football.. He'll be there.

Whenever a monkey drinks his own pee.. He'll be there!"
~ Mac Danny

"Can we get to the ribbing? And trust me, it won't be for your pleasure."
~ mattx110

"Just because I banned someone doesn't mean I don't want to hear the gossip about why I banned someone!"
~ Brian Cronin

"I do have to say though that those boobs Howy posted are too...big...even...for...me.

*WHEW* That was difficult to type."
~ HomerJay

"If a small niche channel is going to be a kidney stone with you, you're going to have a hell of a time taking a piss for the rest of your life."
~ Royal

"All hail the good ship, CBR.
May the various gods, demigods, spirits, heroes and made-up bollockery revered amongst its assembled and eclectic passengers bless it and all who sail in it."
~ Pól Rua

Agent Helix: "My stimulus package is in my pants, ladies."
Gilda Dent: "So I take it you're one of those who prefers Direct Deposit, then."

"Mrvael Boy only Jim Starlin Captaoin Marvl in bike pants.

Only good thin gwas evilguy in Iron Man armer was complteely rippt off from Iron Man movie.

Plus gay."
~ Pól Rua

Paul McEnery: "I can't see how you could properly do the show photos without at least one photo saying 'lame star wars guy'."
Charles RB: "But what if Lucas isn't there?"

"I was watching Dateline or one of those shows with my wife not long ago and they were interviewing these high school girls who had, shall we say, morally casual attitudes when it came to sex.

Both of us were seething by the end of the show. She, because of the degredation of morals in our society. And me, for being born too early."
~ Dr. Hfuhruhurr

"I remember back in high school, the Playboy channel mistakenly came in clear for about 20 minutes.
That was the day YOUNG GUNS got recorded over, I'm afraid."
~ HomerJay

"FINALLY! Somewhere on the internet to complain about comics! I thought this day would never come!!!"
~ BoosterBronze

"Speaking of curses, I have a funny story to tell...

one of my friends took in a roommate out of pity for a time. The roommate was a rather sad excuse for a person, and ended up getting kicked out for not paying rent. In any case, he claimed to be a warlock, and left behind his 'spellbook' by accident after leaving.

I kid you not, one of his spells contained the phrase 'Magic-magic in the air, magic-magic everywhere'."
~ Jared_Humpherys

Typo Lad: "Women confuse me."
Michael P: "They don't actually pee out of the vagina, Morts. There's a third hole."

Justin Davis: "Damn, woman, get off my back!"
i_mmmchocolate: "Piggy-back ride! Piggy-back ride!"

"Astrology is bullshit.

Of course, I'm a Saggitarius, and we're naturally skeptical."
~ Spike-X

Brian Cronin
05-01-2014, 05:43 PM

"wow. all these bands that consider themselves 'steampunk' when they are really just goth or darkwave. ha!

the groups are becoming so meaningless i am thinking of reclassifying them all as 'music warren ellis would like'"
~ darkhanamaru

"Did they have to pass the conch shell every time a thread was locked?"
~ Kid Omega

"Make sure you start a new thread to tell us what happens on this particular episode of 'Ow, My Balls' won't you?"
~ HomerJay

"Marry me.

I come from a Mormon family. I can have more than one wife."
~ Jared Humpherys

"Porn movies have commentary tracks now?

In. Out. In. Out. In. Out. Now she's swearing like a sailor. He's spanked her butt. Nice gymnastic move there. In. Out. In. Out.

Oh, someone's come in to fix the photocopier."
~ thehod

Radioactive Zombie: "How much does it cost to attend ComiCon?"
Michael P: "$60 for all-weekend admission, your firstborn child for a hotel room, and your dignity if you wear a Sailor Moon costume on the floor."
jessecuster3: "For everything else there's MasterCard."

"Just because you are planning planetary extinction does not mean you skimp on proper grammar."
~ StoneGold

Puma: "Sad situation at the Internet terminals. Gentleman just came in needing a library card so he could search Caljobs. He'd been working up at the golf course for forty years and was just laid off. How much of a market can there be for elderly golf pros?"
i_mmmchocolate: "About how old was he?"
Michael P: "Ease up, Lena. The guy just got laid off; the last thing he needs now is a long-distance relationship."

"There's a very little man, and he lives in a magical land called The InterNet, and he collects all the naked pictures of all the people with the boobies. If you knock five times on the magic box that lives on daddies desk, maybe the little man will show you some of them!"
~ Paul McEnery

"There's some sort of irony in getting into a pissing contest over Budweiser."
~ Dr. Hfuhruhurr

"I tend to bring so little drama to the table that I'm often mistaken for Keanu Reeves."
~ Lone Ranger

"Thanks for the tip about the heroin, I'll have to remember that for my mom."
~ thespianphryne

"Just because a troll stumbles across a topic that might have some mileage doesn't mean people wanna get in the car with him.

Remember....when you ride with a troll, Satan rides in the backseat."
~ Sean Whitmore

mattx110: "Why do companies make 30 versions of the same product?

I hate buying things, it's so damn difficult."
Michael P: "I just always get the blue one."
thehod: "Yep, that's a great policy, especially with pills.

Didn't cure my headache, but I had a new place to hang my towel for twelve hours."

"I'm not celebrating the death of Mr. Helms. Nope. That would be unseemly.

The jig I shall be dancing is in recognition of the 232 anniversary of our nation's birth. They are unrelated. Unrelated I tell you!"
~ Gilda Dent

Matt Algren: "Johnny's version makes me weep like a little girl."
thespianphryne: "'Like'?"

"Are you defending bad pop culture again?

Don't make me bitch slap you."
~ Winslow

Justin Davis: "You obviously haven't met enough theater students and performers.

'And thank god for that.'

There. I did your snarky reply for you."
Agent Helix: "I've met plenty, but I usually just mentally replace everything they say with cocksucking noises."

Sophisticated Gamer: "I hate the Wii with a passion! All the games out are a complete shitload, with horrible graphics, no storyline, and all the managers of Nintendo are duchebags. Just look at the press conference, they show you a tiny bit of new games that are coming out, for the rest they are gloating at their greatness selling games, and right now they are talking about the games that are already out... I have no idea what america sees in this crappy system, xbox360>any day, even PS3>Wii"
Ray R.: "Shhh, shhhhh.

Here's your drinkbox. Go sit down."

"Poor Hulk, he just wants to be left alone. and you better leave him alone or he'll wreck your city, miraculously not killing anyone in the process because that would kind of ruin the whole persecuted innocence thing."
~ berk

"WOW this is way more than I needed to know about your dick today."
~ Agent Helix

"you're so far out of the closet you couldn't reach the door knob."
~ Puma

"I can't help but think the Schrödinger's Cat theory comes into play somewhere. If you buy a Bendis comic, but you don't open it, has your childhood really been raped?"
~ Sean Whitmore

jessecuster3: "Hey! My toys are for 5 and up."
Gingold: "How fortunate for your girlfriend."

"I dated a Jewish boy while in High School, his Mom really wanted us in a permanent relationship. Even after I broke up with him she kept trying to get us together. I finally told her I couldn't become Jewish because I loved shellfish more than her son."
~ Puma

gary bolt: "I haven't met anyone from the on-line community with whom I intended to have a potentially physical relationship ."
Paul McEnery: "Give it a week.


"You can find someone a well-rounded and fascinating individual AND want to stick your head between 'em and go blubble-blubble-blubble."
~ Pól Rua

"Alcohol makes me fast, like a marsupial."
~ Ronald Bryan

Matt Algren: "I'm pretty sure I'll be remodeling my bathroom later this year, and I'm taking out the old 60s olive green tub and putting in a shower instead. The one I want (and probably can't afford) has several heads at different heights."
jessecuster3: "You do know only girls can get off with those things, right?"

Michael P: "I need to get out and do something tonight. Serious cabin fever going on here."
Typo Lad: "I'd invite you over, but we're going away."
Michael P: "No offense, but I was thinking something a little more exciting than sitting in the dark with Jews."

"Yeah, 'cos the utter ineptitude of FEMA had NOTHING to do with the Federal Government whatsoever...

What does that 'F' stand for again?"
~ Pól Rua

"Couldn't you go read a friend's comics? I'll let you read mine before I throw 'em out. I got almost all the Secret Invasion comics and all 52 and Countdown. We are talking premium comics here. No indy trash."
~ fly on the wall

Gingold: "Liberty Meadows is shit, but boy can Frank Cho draw the ladies well."
Joe Rice: "Let's be honest, he draws a lady well and then gives her wigs."

"I was trying to read that nudity in comics thread just now. I got to page five before my head exploded. And that's a fact."
~ Josh S


Now I have proof that Jesus loves me."
~ Ed Cunard

"Life is too short to be poking yourself in the eye with a fork."
~ Pól Rua

Brian Cronin
05-01-2014, 05:44 PM
10-11-2008 (PART I)

Chris Nowlin: "Man it's been a long time since I was funny."
FunkyGreenJerusalem: "Longer than you think."

drwho: "Maybe its just me but i have never begged a woman for sex nor have i had a woman beg me to have sex with them. Wanting sex and begging for it are different."
Matt Algren: "Maybe you need to bathe? I dunno what to tell you."

"You HAVE no defensible position. There's nothing in your position to attack. You are literally not even making an argument, you're just screaming at the top of your lungs about how unfair life is because you have a dick. That's wrong. Everything you're saying is wrong. I actually don't think I've ever seen someone be quite as wrong as you are right now. You've somehow managed to redefine wrong, turn being wrong into a new form of self expression. You're the goddamn Picasso of incorrectness, breaking boundaries and expanding the artform of having your head up your ass. So thank you, this is like watching a fucking master at work. The world is your canvas, and your paint is BULLSHIT."
~ Agent Helix

"Brainwashing is the only reason to have children."
~ Gilda Dent

"Two sarongs don't make a right."
~ Slam Bradley

jesse_custer: "I think my master's thesis will theorize that a society's decadence can be measured by how often its fucking citizens use abbreviations, especially acronyms."
Agent Helix: "lol wtf omg"

howyadoin: "I just saw a website called 'Celebrities Bending Over in Tight Clothes'."
jessecuster3: "If it's George Wendt, I am definitely not interested."

mattx110: "Same to women, men without chest hair aren't men."
K'Nort: "Trust me, that's not why they're turning you down."

Michael P: "Sorry, I only read light, stupid, cynical, comedic, and pointless graphic novels."
Joe Rice: "Still on the Peter David kick, I see.


"I am rolling Chumps in Facebook poker.

Call me the Hamburgler cause I'm stealing your Lunch!"
~ Mac Danny

"It's proof of what I always say, kids aren't being brought up right these days. Mom and Dad are smoking pot and letting the kids run wild. Then they trash Chaykin.

This is a huge warning sign. Hooliganism ahead!"
~ fly on the wall

Kid Omega: "I now suspect that if I posted a poll asking 'in general, at a glance, would you say the sky is blue?', there would be several posts explaining why that is not a clear enough statement."
Agent Helix: "I don't understand you. Please clarify your position, and do so in a way that makes me feel pleasant and secure in my own beliefs."

Dom: "Anyone want to hire a 26 old, Italian, chartered account and soon to be MBA?

I work cheap and wear tight pants and low cut tops on demand."
Tadhg Adams: "Can you make monkey sounds and hold a screwdriver? If so, I have a job for you in IT."

"It's a long road from winsome to awesome, honey."
~ Paul McEnery

"I saw an ad for the 'Kim Kardashian Diet.'

I'd do it, but I don't know if I could eat that much cock."
~ Mac Danny

"If you're not curled up in the fetal position crying your guts out, it's not a crisis. (This is also Dan Didio's approach to comics editing!)"
~ Michael P

i_mmmchocolate: "I'm all kinds of frustrated right now."
jessecuster3: "Fine, I'll go out with you, but you better put out."
HomerJay: "At least tell her she doesn't have to wear the Optimus Prime mask."

"mattx is our Citizen of the Month?

You got to be kidding. We might as well make some syphlitic hobo citizen of the month."
~ fly on the wall

"And it's not that I'm some kind of fruity, anti-materialistic pinko hippie flower child here. I love my stuff, and I enjoy accumulating more stuff. But there's a level of conspicous consumption that I just can't understand, and that's the level of buying something like a $75,000 watch. I'm sure if I was extraordinarily wealthy, I wouldn't really give a fuck, and would probably buy a tiny diamond encrusted unicorn leather top-hat for my dick and name him Sir Reginald Thrustbottom. So there you go."
~ Agent Helix

"i_mmmchocolate: "Ugh, I can't sleep."
Michael P: "Post some more about how much in looooooooove you are.

No, wait, that'll just put me to sleep."

"I can't believe I used a derivative of subtle in a conversation about AC/DC."
~ jesse_custer

DonC: "The president of MTV should be fired."
kmeyers: "out of a cannon, into the sun."

"I get the runs pretty easily, so I feel I'm a bit of an authority on the matter. "
~ Joe Rice

Tadhg Adams: "You're a teacher; you're the antithesis of style."
Gingold: "I have discovered the anti-style equation."

"Geez. DC is like the boy who Crisised wolf."
~ The Xenos

Paul McEnery: "Ping her mercilessly."
Pól Rua: "If that fails, you should flash your gordon."

Doctor Doom: "I want some peanut butter."
Royal: "Creamy or chunky?"
Michael P: "That's what she said.

Wait, that makes no sense."

"Co-eds + hotpants + lots of jumping = good TV"
~ HomerJay

"Some of us, however, don't seem to be able to ride the ethics bike without benefit of the stablizer wheels of a strict moral code."
~ Paul McEnery

MacQuarrie: "There will be clowns at my funeral."
Gilda Dent: "Not at mine. I've made it clear that my stepfathers aren't invited."

"Apparently asking 'I'd like to take you out to dinner sometime' is much harder than creating a thread on a comic book board that becomes a subject of mockery."
~ Corrina

"It's kind of like Citizen Kane, if you replace Rosebud with a chimpanzee who throws its feces at people, change the lighting to strobe, and change most of the dialogue to reaction shots and people shouting 'Go, Speed Racer.'

For a full-length movie derived from a crappily animated piece of badly dubbed Japanese nostalgia, it's remarkably true to the source."
~ Ray R.

"You talk about size all the time. It's no wonder that you're single.

I do believe I never would have predicted that someone could make a value judgment on someone else's lifestyle based on Spiderman's love life from the eighties.

But what do I know. I need my plot-twists spoonfed to me."
~ Ray R.

Paradox: "Keep in mind the Old Testament 'God' and the New Testament 'God' have different personalities for the obvious reasons. OT God's kind of a prick some times."
thehod: "A bit like Silver Age Superman who was a total dick, and Modern Age Superman who starts blubbing at the drop of a hat.

The layers just go really deep with that character don't they."

Ronald Bryan: "I want the guy who does the narration on Pushing Dasies to follow me around and narrate my life."
Chris Nowlin: "Nothing's happening, nothing's happening..."

"When we saw Batman, we drove 45 minutes to a small town theatre in Parry Sound (home of Bobby Orr, btw) and sat in an old single screen theatre that had been chopped in two with such bad acoustics that we could hear most of "Mama Mia" through the wall.

You've never really seen Dark Knight until you've seen the car chase accompanied by 'S.O.S'"
~ Lone Ranger

"You're the one talking to the imaginary people who live in the magic thinky box."
~ Pól Rua

"I can't believe it's not anarchy."
~ twilight, on Johnny Rotten's butter endorsement

"Note to self - Never ask a dyslexic for his password."
~ Athena Bast

"Wall-E inspired me to meet more fat people."
~ Cayman

Fabian: "I'm just a man. Men love tits. Therefore I love tits. It's such a great philosophical equation that it's almost Platonic."
Spike-X: "There's nothing platonic about my love for tits.


Brian Cronin
05-01-2014, 05:44 PM
10-11-2008 (PART II)

Part Deux:

jessecuster3: "Dammit, I have too many Transformers."
Agent Helix: "The entire universe just made that record scratch stop noise."

"Teen Titans is routinely bad, and in very predictable ways. You can guarantee it'll be annoyingly dour, contain at least one scene or panel that has no place in a general readers book whatsoever, and be utterly bereft of a reason for why any of these characters are associating with one another, let alone what they stand for as superheroes. And all in the guise of recapturing the feel of 25-year-old comics that it couldn't be more unlike. It's like a love letter to a person you've never met, praising them for personality traits that they don't have, and which are actually common symptoms of deep-seated mental illness."
~ Michael P

gary bolt: "I thought Britney Spears/Ginger Spice dude was a harmless entertaining whack-job until I read his latest thread as the third incarnation that we know of. Not so much, it turns out. How is it that he can keep changing his name and continue posting here?"
mattx110: "New IP, new login info.

Can't really stop them from coming back if they want to."
gary bolt: "So that's your secret."

Brian Cronin
05-01-2014, 05:45 PM

"Sweeping generalisations are always wrong."
~ dingo

"On Friday we were having breakfast at the hotel while we watched the news: the Dow Jones lost 600 points in the time it took me to eat a belgian waffle. I shudder to think what would have happened if I had been eating a Rooty-Tootie Fresh and Fruity breakfast."
~ Guapo Méndez

"Had another date last night. Woo hoo! This girl was Hungarian, so at least I'm moving West. I'll be invading the Low Countries and France before too long."
~ Ray R.

"Scorpio: Origins
A One Act Play

'How about giving me one tonight?'
'I'm out of johnnies! I've got to run down the shops!'
'You'll catch your death in that cold'
'I'll catch blue balls if I don't'
'Bugger it, we'll do it standing up... that used to work in our parents day'
'Whatever makes you feel better honey, I'll go assemble the fuck-swing'

Close Curtains."
~ FunkyGreenJerusalem

"Enjoy your vintage sweaty man-on-an action!"
~ Doctor Doom

Doctor Doom: "Fuck monkeys."
DWEarhart: "I'm not in Greenpeace, damnit!"

Joe Rice: "Why would manga not count? It's comics."
dupont2005: "because you read it backwards. its the opposite of comics"

"When you make Sam Peckinpah and John Woo look like directors who don't use slow motion that much, you might have a personal problem."
~ jesse_custer

"In a few short weeks the US will become an Obama Nation. Does that mean you'll have to change your user name?"
~ gary bolt to Abomination

"Horror films should serve as a public service announcement to all the ladies in the house.

When your boyfriend, Husband, or 'Ducky' style friend comes into the room covered in blood and says 'we have to go right now!'


Every minute you don't move and ask what is going on it a minute that you tell me you want to die.

I will tell you what's happening in the car.

I told my wife that I would say something like that once and then I was out the door, if she questions or doesn't follow then that is evolution and it's not my problem. Enjoy being a zombie, I'll be in the Wal-Mart boarding up the exits."
~ Mac Danny

"There are plenty of fish in the quarter bin."
~ Ray R.

"Scott Bakula is the Cobra Commander of my discontent."
~ Pól Rua

"Man, I liked you so much better when you weren't here."
~ Agent Helix

"I miss living vicariously through him.

Now I have to live vicariously through Paradox, which is much less fun."
~ Sean Whitmore

Pól Rua: "I could cheerfully take a belt sander to my genitalia so I wouldn't have to deal with them."
Sean Whitmore: "That really doesn't work as well as you think it will.

I'm still horny, but now my balls vibrate whenever I hear a garbage disposal."
Pól Rua: "Worst. Spider-Sense. Ever."

"I would bet Bone is pretty universally male and female friendly."
~ jessecuster3

thespianphryne: "WTF, you changed your user handle again? do you have a stalker?"
StoneGold: "I prefer the term Obsessive American."

"This reminds me of the joke about when Bob Geldof and Paula Yates were arrested at the airport trying to take Lysergic Acid Diethylamide, Skunk Weed and Crystal Meth through customs.

The other two kids got through fine though."
~ thehod

"Huh. Michael Crichton died.

Maybe we can mix his DNA with a frog, and take DNA from Douglas Adams, Robert Heinlen and Philip K. Dick and set up Author Park."
~ Ed Cunard

StoneGold: "OK, the honeymoon period is over. How come Obama hasn't fixed anything yet, despite not actually being in office for another 2 1/2 months?"
Ray R.: "Socialism wasn't built in a day."

"Lord. I just saw a recent photo of my good friend from high school. It has been nearly a decade since I've seen her. She's been busy, it seems. Eating."
~ i_mmmchocolate

"Yeah, that's kinda like saying you liked Limp Bizkit before they were popular."
~ Jared_Humpherys

darkhanamaru: "I think alcohol was a bad thing."
schwamp: "I'd check for a fever. You're talking nonsense now."

"dude, you're the yoda of misanthropy."
~ morna

"Oh suck it up, whinebaby! Back when I was a lad, we melted Apple IIe's for kicks! And look at me! I turned out just potato ampersand."
~ Agent Helix

"I think the team behind this movie and 'a clue' make a very poor Venn Diagram."
~ Joe Rice

"I wouldn't trust Snyder to deconstruct Lego, let alone a genre."
~ Agent Helix

"Yeah, I had a rough day yesterday though. One of those hangovers that feels totally survivable 'till about 2:30 when the nausea and dizzyness kick in and the headache really gets going. Ugh. I struggled through to 5 when we close and finally succumbed to the queasiness in the middle of cash out - about quarter to six. I went home and right to bed. Gary brought me some pasta and I slept for hours. I'm too fucking old for this shit. Sadly, I seem incapable of assimilating this information, it's like when women give birth, all the pain and agony is forgotten when they behold the angelic face of their progeny. In my case the angelic face is a frosty cold beer. So much for maternal instinct."
~ morna

"Star Trek is about two handed hammer punches, Boning green chicks, Inverting polarities, and go-go boots."
~ Mac Danny

"I just wish I was dumb sometimes so I could watch movies like Transformers over and over again."
~ n2doop5u

"I used to eat nothing but beef jerky, shit lumps of coal, and fight lumberjacks every night.

Now I cry if I do long division and have a remainder left over..."
~ stealthwise

Matt Algren: "Let's talk about our shit! How's yours been?"
schwamp: "It happens."

DoctorDoom: "Masturbation worthy?"
Michael P: "Johnny, tell our lovely contestant what she's just won!"

"I am a sexy shoeless god of posting."
~ GozertheGozarian

gary bolt: "Now, now. What's more important? Taking responsibility for your progeny, or getting a really fucking good deal on a flat-screen TV?"
CyberHubbs: "...Are we talking 1080p?"

Fabian: "$10.50 is fucking ridiculous for a well Manhattan. Am I right or am I cheap?"
Spike-X: "Considering they bought the whole island for $25 back in the day, that does sound a tad steep."

"If only you'd been able to get your enormous penis back in your pants in time to get to the computer.

Heh...that reminds me of a funny story..."
~ Spike-X

jessecuster3: "I had a fraternity friend in college, came out of the closet right after I spent 5 days in a room with him on a cruise....

Just for the record, it wasn't just the two of us, a bunch of us went."
Agent Helix: "You heard it here first, folks.

jessecuster3 involved in sordid orgy on gay pleasure cruise with fraternity boytoys!"

"Good luck trying to figure out that quote button."
~ The Batman

fly on the wall: "'uber' isn't cool to say anymore."
Joe Rice: "Man, this is ube---uh, mega lame."
Phoenix Force: "This thread is hella right."
Pól Rua: "It's MAD fresh!"
MacQuarrie: "It's wicked cool."

Paradox: "Why on Earth would people be fans of teams that suck just because they live by them?"
jessecuster3: "Pride in your home."
morna: "oh is that what all the hot dog wars are about"

"Secret gift person, expect my package."
~ jessecuster3

Brian Cronin
05-01-2014, 05:45 PM

"Have you heard their song about the hot girl in the comic shop?

It's called Hot Girl In The Comic Shop, if that helps."
~ Spike-X

"stand back everyone I've got this one

'clearly, I lack the necessary popular cultural awareness to process this information in the context provided.'"
~ morna

"My phone is a shoe.

Would you believe a sandal?"
~ StoneGold

"I'd ask 'how do you sleep at night?', but I'm worried that you'll respond 'In Hannah Montana sheets.'"
~ Typo Lad

"Just because a girl smiles at you, doesn't mean she wants to do anything more than make you a quality footlong sandwich at an affordable price."
~ StoneGold

"Wait, it's bigoted to not like bigots now? What is that, bigotism?"
~ Joe Rice

"I never know what anyone's gender is on these boards. So my default mental image is that you're all 42yr old men, faces smeared in lipstick while wearing your mother's best summer frock, typing your posts through a cascade of tears."
~ Asmith

jessecuster3: "Morning. I actually have to do a bit of shopping for myself today.

I need boots, and some fancy gloves."
morna: "like, with sequins?"

Paul McEnery: "Every time you lie, Palin's tits go just a little further south."
mikekerr3: "They must be in Brownsville TX by now."

Spike-X: "You need some of these!"
SUPERECWFAN1: "Boxes with X in them?"

"Nothing says Christmas like a sparkling emo vampire."

Samurai: "We already have several threads on this silly molehill of a story, including the main Barack Obama thread. We don't need another, and it should be merged."
J. Robb: "I have to agree - if a new thread is started every time a Republican does or says something ignorant, they'll flood the forum."

"Barack the Magic Negro
Lived in DC
And frolicked in the media hype
'Till he faced reality"
~ fly on the wall

"Honesty doesn't make one a bitch."
~ Puma

"You really shouldn't paraphrase a misquote."
~ rick

"But...she has 'emotional intelligence', dammit! That's just like real intelligence, but for girls!"
~ Spike-X

"I tend to keep my serious conversations for serious topics - boobs, fire, drinking and mediaeval siege machinery."
~Pól Rua

"dude, from the looks of things you've got more wrong there than a couple of stuck keys"
~ morna

"I could menstruate a better comic."
~ Doctor Doom

"while you laugh and judge me and post another 9,000 here,,i'll be on my triumph with my bada$$ chic wrapped around the back of it,to bad theres no room for her girlfriend back there,,i think i heard your mom say the spaghetti is done"
~ redninja

Justin D: "See Let the Right One In as soon as you can. It's an amazingly good movie."
morna: "I will! Probably tomorrow. I've heard so many good things about it I hope I haven't over hyped myself. I'd rather see it on a big screen but we'll see... if it comes here I might go see it again."
gary bolt: "i think i heard your mom say the spaghetti is done"

"When are they going to change the name of the state to 'Phillip Morris presents South Carolina'?"
~ Mac Danny

Mac Danny: "In Virginia it is Illegal to watch porn on your car DVD player while driving."
Ray R.: "It's called 'Ray's Law' for embarrassing reasons I won't go into."

"I am the Vulcan Pinata of your discontent."
~ Pól Rua

"I came to the internet because I had too much time on my hands. But I stayed because of the Noel Coward-esque wit and word play!"
~ Asmith

Mermaid: "I love you Paradox!"
o1pickleboy: "I never thought I would read that. When is the wedding?"

Athena Bast: "Going waaaay back to the first season the whole plan with Sharon and Helo was to get him to fall in love with her because to the Cylons offspring can only be created through love.

See also all the times Caprica Six before the nukes went off asked Baltar if he loved her every time they where going have sex."
Spike-X: "I figured that was because she was a woman, not because she was a Cylon."

"What level of porn hell have you stumbled into?"
~ Mangaman

"Goatees are the perfect middleground between the big 'I live in the woods' bushy beard and the understated 'I'm going to rape you' mustache."
~ Sean Whitmore

DoctorDoom: "He said Pauly Shore was a dick."
Pól Rua: "Did he mention that water was wet at any stage?"

"Comments being made on the internet from people who were excluded and unpopular as a child and now somehow translate that to elitism?

Not on MY CBR!!"
~ HomerJay

"It's the gayest thing ever. And I mean that with all due respect to homosexuals. You just simply can't get gayer than Nights. Can't do it. One gay pride parade marching ass first into another gay pride parade would not be as flat-out gay as this character is."
~ Agent Helix

"I should be allowed to Smoke a doobie and marry a dude if that is what I want to do."
~ Mac Danny

"Clearly, you're more upset than you let on. You can't even form a coherent sentence."
~ morna

"Woke up this morning, and my car had about a 1/2 inch of ice covering the entire thing. Looked like a black Creamsicle. I chipped it off the windshield with the DVD box of Pineapple Express. Now I finally get to appreciate that movie."
~ Ray R.

Agent Helix: "I really don't see interactivity as being a good measuring stick for what is or isn't art. I mean, I've never personally fingered the Mona Lisa, but I'm pretty sure that's art."
Ray R.: "Give Nintendo a few more years. The WiiGina could fill a lot of Christmas stockings."
Agent Helix: "Yeah, but stores would be flooded with returns within a week when nobody can find the damn button."

Cayman: "I think Powers still comes out more frequently than Kabuki."
Michael P: "My dick comes out more frequently than Kabuki.

Never receives the same quality reviews, though."

"Hey, I'm in England. It's always 1937 here."
~ thehod

"You're adorable.

Why can't they give you a show? VH1's Everything Less Than 30 Years Old Scares the Shit Out Of Me. I'd watch it."
~ Sean Whitmore

Calybos: "Hey, I can name five people taller than Andre the Giant, so I guess Andre was actually short."
Tadhg: "Is one of them Rocky Road?"

"I like to imagine that when DC realises there's a minor continuity point that hasn't been addressed a big siren goes off in the building and Dido and Johns run towards a bookshelf that opens, and slide down a pole to their ideas cave and set about solving it.

When it happens at marvel they just get drunk, put on blindfolds and throw darts at a board to see who fixes it, what format it's in, and if any other book will acknowledge it."
~ FunkyGreenJerusalem

DWEarhart: "Does Star Trek have a black-ops unit?"
StoneGold: "That's the code name for Shatner's wang."

"Most children aren't even a meter tall! If we used the metric system, our children would be midgets! Midgets on drugs!

Won't anybody think of the children?"
~ Chris Nowlin

Cayman: "Christian Bale threads everywhere!"
thespianphryne: "Massengill should have him be their spokesman!"

"Would you like me to sew you a doily to go with your opinion?"
~ StoneGold

Brian Cronin
05-01-2014, 06:02 PM

"This isn't enough. We need to start policing and then boycotting work-sites from coast to coast.

Wherever a delivery man is reamed out for being late...I'll be there.

Wherever a drywaller is reamed out for not countersinking the nail...I'll be there.

Wherever an advertising artist is reamed for using the wrong shade of blue...I'll be there."
~ Slam_Bradley

"Only on CBR does a thread about about superhero decadence somehow morph into a discussion about nazis, slavery, and training horses."
~ i_mmmchocolate

Shellhead: "I wish this site automatically closed threads at the first mention of either Nazis or Hitler, as an auto-Godwin feature."
J. Robb: "Seems like something Stalin would do..."

"I was employee of the month at McDonald's. Three times. Laugh if you want, but there was a pay raise every time, which made it more valuable than a discussion about Christian Bale's harsh language."
~ Shellhead

"It's not your ovaries that are holding you back."
~ Athena Bast

"I think it was funny when Liefeld did the action figure based on the character, so Previews had a solicitation for 'Rob Liefeld's 12" Plastic Shaft'.
Presumably as a companion piece to Todd McFarlane's balls."
~ Pól Rua

"Is 'buck naked' an ethnic slur?

What about 'slippery slope'?"
~ StoneGold

"I pretty much stopped doing my auto-bio strips.

Now I just draw people complaining about comics all day. It's kind of like CBR if it was a comic."
~ Brandon Hanvey

"The Mayan calendar says that when a civilization introduces pizza to the system, it is doomed to disappear within 3 generations.

The Mayans realized that after discovering the pizza stone."
~ Guapo Méndez

Deathstroke: "There's something wrong with the fax machine and I have no idea what it is"
Spike-X: "It's like a photocopier, except it sends the copies to somebody else's machine. But that's not important right now!"

"Rob Liefeld himself (or at least someone posting under that name) has confirmed (or at least said) that Smash is meant to be a parody of a Hulk-type character.

Mind you, in Liefeld's dictionary the definition of parody seems to be 'Taking someone else's creation and making it a different color.'"
~ Donald M.

"If Liefeld's career wasn't enough to end Liefeld's career, then nothing is."
~ meethraa

Matt Algren: "Wait, which one's Africa? Is that the one where everybody's upside down all the time? I don't think I'd like that."
OverMaster: "It's where lions and zebras dance to 'You got to move it, move it' together."

"In indigo glow
Of head shop lights
No spliff shall escape my sights
Let those who feel sober plight
Beware my bong
Indigo Lanterns ummm wait.. what was I saying? Let me start over."
~ Mac Danny

"In blackest night, in darkest times
No good guy shall escape my rhymes
Let those who worship anything
Beware my power, Black Lantern's ring."
~ Paul McEnery

"Infinite Crisis is like a pile of dogshit covered in your dead mom's menstrual fluid and baked in an oven designed to kill minorities."
~ Joe Rice

Dreadstar: "How's the wife?"
Doug Strange: "Still pregnant! And getting pregnanter! It's kind of embarrassing! I'm all honey, can you please not show off like that and she's like dude take out the recycling."

"Four words: 'Bitch, get my dinner.'

If she don't hop to, move on to the next one."
~ Matt Algren

"Hey my older brother knows hot retarded 19yr old chicks who say hi to me as they pass me on the stairs going up to his room. How best can I be friends with them so later they lower their gaurd and accidentally show me their underwear?"
~ Asmith

Cayman: "There's too much crying in DC Comics."
Michael P: "This summer, Tom Hanks stars in 'A Justice League of Their Own.'"

"Two things you need

To be Greg Land,

A lightbox and

A steady hand.

Burma Shave."
~ Pól Rua

"Bob, nothing personal, but your opinion seems to be pretty unhindered by actual facts."
~ rick

"Is there anything worse than an awkward moment made more awkward by an awkwarder performer?

Well, yes, there are lots of things, but let's ignore those things."
~ Joe Rice

Mermaid: "I think that's possible....people don't normally try and do it on a bike."
Asmith: "Yeah, there's a nightmare of logistical problems with that one... just to begin with, who's peddling, who's steering and who gets to ring the little bell?"

jessecuster3: "Yay! Time for beers!"
DrewTheXenocide: "Woo! I'm ahead of you by about three hours. Let's hope I get to have sex because of it."
Paul McEnery: "Just yell 'come and get me, boys' at the top of your lungs."

"Every board mod should post a list of which creators' work they will allow you to criticize."
~ Cayman

Cosmored: "I have three years of university but I didn't finish. "
Charles RB: "Unsurprising."

"Just because you understand it, doesn't mean it makes sense!"
~ FunkyGreenJerusalem

"Personally I can't wait for Watchmen 2: The Rise of Mr. Blobby-Face."
~ Asmith

"Pennys are copper, not iron. What are you, Vulcan?"
~ Typo Lad

"Yep, that Avengers issue makes me go mmmm, too, morna!

And it WAS like a french dip (if "french dip" is slang for time-traveling pseudo-incest, which if it is not, it really ought to be)"
~ Brian Cronin

"Somewhere a village is pining for its idiot."
~ Naldo

"I usually only read books with pictures in them too, but I make an exception for Dan Brown."
~ Chris Nowlin

fin5: "delete this thread please"
Michael P: "Oh, you're not getting out that easy."

"Context is important. Jackie Mason isn't, however."
~ Paradox

"I completely disagree with him on Dollhouse. That show is shit covered in shit deep fried in a vat of shit and then that shit covered deep fryer is coated in a sugary shit shell.

It's not very good, you see."
~ Agent Helix

Crowforge: "I hear this 'joke' way more often than I should and it wasn't very clever the first time."
Asmith: "Well if you were looking for clever, your first mistake was coming to the internet..."

Squirrel: "Is the forum being ridiculously slow for anyone else?"
Paul McEnery: "The board, or the people on it?"

howyadoin: "Suck My Dick, Fuck Face."
Riker Omega Three: "Wow. The Sci-Fi Channel should change its name to that."

Agent Helix: "No no, I mean, like what if you blow up a Limp Bizkit concert. That'd be a good thing, right?"
Joe Rice: "You've given me a lot to think about."

DeathXIII: "I keep my dignity by not insulting others and by not pressing the capslock key."
Paul McEnery: "In this, you are mistaken."

"That's what Clark Kent should have done: had a woman follow him around and take off her top any time he had to change to Superman."
~ Michael P

"Reese Witherspoon stars in Slinky: The Motion Picture. She lost the man of her life, till something new slunk down the stairs."
~ StoneGold

"That reminds me of a joke:
Guy one: Hey do you know the difference between a hamburger and getting pushed over a lawn chair and anally raped?

Guy two: um... no.

Guy one: Swell. Want to come over to my place on the weekend for a BBQ?"
~ Asmith

Paul McEnery: "Now I'm thinking of a new cop show: Rosemary and Time. She's the altar girl, he's the priest. When they can find the time between inappropriate acts, they solve crimes with a Catholic theme."
Ray R.: "'The real mystery is how the semen got all the way over to the confessional.....'


"I don't read Star Wars tie-ins because they violate the continuity I created with my Star Wars figures as a kid."
~ Cayman

"Adolescence: The point at which your no-no places become your yes-yes places."
~ Donald M.

Ray R.: "Love means never having to say you're sorry."
Ed Cunard: "Man. I wish I was in love with a deaf-mute."

"One middle school doesn't equal the school/state. Unless you're paranoid and get all your things to be pissed about from talk radio."
~ Ray R.

Brian Cronin
05-01-2014, 06:03 PM

"[Meltzer] kept saying in interviews that IC was going to be a 'love letter to the silver age.'

A love letter featuring a brutal, on-panel, fetishized rape, and DC characters in the roles of the Squardon Supreme (OH IT'S NOT LIKE ANY OF THE FANS HAVE READ IT).

That's the kind of love letter a stalker sends."
~ Typo Lad

Dreadstar: "Crap. Goddammed sock-puppet, crawling out of my desk like that. Back, dammit! Back, I say!"
Slam_Bradley: "At least it wasn't Atitude Man."
jessecuster3: "I haven't seen Agent Helix post today."

"I only read phonebooks with aardvarks and misogyny."
~ Ed Cunard

rajincajun689: "Millar versus Loeb? Well that's a no-brainer."
Agent Helix: "Yes, I agree. No brains are involved in this AT ALL."

"I am both happy and sad, Like a mini wheat."
~ Mac Danny

Spike-X: "And where's the not-even-slightly-veiled homoeroticism?"
FunkyGreenJerusalem: "In your pants!"

"There may be one or two in the fridge with my name on it.

If I spell my name Sierra Nevada, for instance."
~ Paul McEnery

"My turn on's are leotards, leg warmers and KA-RA-TE but not necessarily in that order."
~ pete repeat

Athena Bast: "What's the female equivalent for dipping your pen in the company ink?"
Agent Helix: "Being the company ink."

"Kiss my ass!

PS: I love you guys!!"
~ jdwrocks

Spike-X: "You should get another cat and call her Tennille."
Cayman: "I'm afraid Muskrat Love would be the result."

"You're trying to ascribe rational motives to irrational people.

You realise that's irrational, don't you?"
~ Spike-X

"Not for nothing, but I hate the term 'mouthbreather'. I breathe through my mouth all the time. Deviated septum from a biking accident when I was nine and I accidentally started going down a hill and couldn't remember how to stop so I ran into a barn.

Which would kind of back up the 'mouthbreather' definition, now that I think about it."
~ Matt Algren

"Boredom is the Devil's X-box."
~ Ray R.

"For a convoluted reason, I now have Night Ranger in my head.

But at least it pushed out Billy Joel."
~ K'Nort

"Tages brought the thingy
the one, in the scotch with the L
Oh the hell."

~ Rallura

"Holiday highlight: I've now seen a woman squeeze a frog out of her vagina. And also smoke an entire cigarette with it! Her vagina that is, not the frog..."
~ Asmith

"I won't let twitter make a twat out of me."
~ jesse_custer

Slam_Bradley: "I now want a pulp hero named Cliff Hanger."
jesse_custer: "And how about his [apparently] twin sidekick, Not My Favorite Ending?"

Michael P: "You ever have an article of clothing you know you're never going to wear, but you can't really get rid of it because of who gave it to you?"
Deadpooligan: "Yes.

Incidentally, it's a thong with a Hooters logo emblazoned on the front."

"I'm guessing I'm not the only one here who'd have to admit to knowing more about fictional metal than actual brains."
~ Donald M.

"By overcoming your hatred of whales to watch the movie, you let a little bit of Starfleet into your heart."
~ Sean Whitmore

"I pay each month to have Cronin send me CDs of varous threads being read aloud.
You'd be surprised how eloquent Jeremy A. Patterson sounds when being read by Sir Ian McKellan."
~ HomerJay

"I also saw someone say he wasn't going to drink Mountain Dew anymore because he didn't like the new logo. I had to stop and make sure I wasn't in a Star Trek thread."
~ Matt Algren

"Shitty TV doesn't unshitify anything."
~ Joe Rice

i_mmmchocolate: "I'm going to slab you."
Ray R.: "Careful, I'm in mint condition."

jessecuster3: "What you read, sucks!"
jesse_custer: "Remember, I'm reading your post right now."

"In space nobody can hear you shit."
~ Slam Bradley

"Are you on Twitter? I'd like to subscribe to your 140 character-or-less newsletter."
~ Ray R.

"One really good thing about having my daughter is my mom stopping referring to my sister's cat as her grandchild."
~ 01pickelboy

Tom: "As if my life wasn't strange enough: I'm interviewing Cagney & Lacey tomorrow."
Loren: "Not Lacey Chabert, I'm guessing."

GozertheGozarian: "What's a theatre?"
thespianphryne: "What's a dumbass?"

gary bolt: "Are your trying to motivate me through the internets?"
Squirrel: "Better than trying to motivate you through your interal organs.

Less messy, too."

jessecuster3: "That is totally hilarious that there will be a Kung Fu Hustle video game."
StoneGold: "Your hilarity threshold is low."

Crowforge: "Where should I move to be more attractive? Because it isn't working here."
StoneGold: "Well, it's dark in Alaska for half the year..."

"Comics are like women, a lot of them are rubbish, but the ones that are good are freaking awesome."
~ FunkyGreenJerusalem

Chris Nowlin: "At first glance, I always think there's a thread about an Iranian erection."
Gilda Dent: "You're a fan of Persian architecture? It can be quite impressive."

DoctorDoom: "So then you're just happy? Woo hoo!"
Michael P: "Law of averages said it had to happen eventually."
DoctorDoom: "Break out the Cream of Wheat!"

"I didn't realize Palin was still so newsworthy. Don't people know that Batman is dead? Someone should inform the news stations."
~ Fabian

Chris Nowlin: "So Athena... if you do leave this guy and I end up leaving my current strangling relationship, I can't help but notice that we'd both be single..."
Athena Bast: "Do you have health care?"

"'I love early Harold Ramis, but I've never seen Stripes'???

'Oh I love the work of Da Vinci, never seen the Mona Lisa'!
'I love rock music, but I've never heard of Led Zepplin'!
'I love sex... never knew you could do it with someone else'!"
~ FunkyGreenJerusalem

Paradox: "I find it best to have very limited contact and interaction with people who don't know what the fuck they're talking about."
Nick Soapdish: "And yet you continue to post here ..."

Brian Cronin
05-01-2014, 06:04 PM

"Black Cat is returning. What to name the storyarc? Well, they recently had a Back in Black story, so why not homage the title and call this Back in Black Cat.

From the censors that approved Giant-Sized Man-Thing."
~ Chris Nowlin

Paul McEnery: "Hate is also a good mixer, though it goes best with gin."
Tadhg: "Gin and hate upset my stomach."
Expletive Deleted: "How about whiskey and depression?"
Tadhg: "Now that's my favorite mixer."

gary bolt: "Does Coke have a shelf life?"
Spike-X: "I think it has a half-life."

"It's good to be going out with someone who doesn't even know what a furry is."
~ Joe Rice

GHalecki: "Could you tell me where the phrase 'Life, Liberty, and the Persuit of Happiness' comes from?"
Nick Soapdish: "There's something like it in the Declaration of Independence, but it's spelled a bit differently."

"Certain people seek to disparage my friends and I, simply due to the fact that we lead an active social life.
The activities they engage in appear distant and aloof.
I'm afraid that I'd prefer to die young, rather than becoming like them.
I'm talking about my generation; in broad terms, naturally. These criteria certainly don't apply equally to each and every person in my general age group, but seem more prevalent according to my observations.

I'm sure I'd rather you (and here, I'm addressing the 'certain people' I mentioned earlier, by which I mean the older generation) all remove yourselves from my presence.
Please, I'd rather you not attempt to copy the style and manner of speech which I and my friends tend to adopt.
I'm not trying to be objectionable or cause a 'ruckus', however, I'd rather discuss people who are similar to myself in both age and social standing.

(As an aside: this seems rather odd, as I have, thus far, not actually been talking about such people, but rather, have primarily been dwelling on my objection to the preceding generation.)

In all honesty, I don't think I really have anything further to say. I'm afraid that any further discussion of the issue would probably result in simple repetition of any issues raised to this point.

I'm complaining about the previous generation.
I'm complaining about the previous generation, baby."
~ Pól Rua

"Joe Jackson was reached for comment and said, 'That kid is not my son.'"
~ Fabian

SUPERECWFAN1: "At 15 , I wanted the hot girl in school to show me her breasts."
Fabian: "40,218 posts and this is the 1st time I can relate to you."

Typo Lad: "What are you growing?"
Paradox: "Old."

"I am so well defined culturally that I shock myself. Now I shall go sip some fine vintage Strawberry Koolaid and slip off to bed watching Vince McMahon make people kiss his ass on TV!"

"Next to the black joker, you're probably the youngest regular poster here."
~ Fabian

"Music isn't shoes, it's oxygen."
~ Jonathan Bogart

jessecuster3: "Khakis or slacks?"
Tadhg: "If I get to choose, Capri."

Fabian: "I hear you're the Great Wall of China of Cockblocking."
Paul McEnery: "You can see him do it from the Moon!"

"I knew I was right. I knew sooner or later I would be right about something."
~ o1pickleboy

"Hot, dumb, and rich...the TMZ trifecta."
~ moebius

cosmic cat: "what the hell is a marionberry?"
Tadhg: "The coke-head former mayor of DC?"

"I am pleased that I have taken your anticipated amusement and ground it into the grimy paste of disillusion."
~ Paul McEnery

"I never realized there was a whole world outside my limited experience.

Now I just feel like a backwards hick, masturbating to Neon Genesis Evangelion."
~ Sean Whitmore

Donald M.: "You know, I don't even get why this thread exists.

With Samurai gone, does this mean the boards' other conservative douchebags are gonna step up to fill the gap?"
Sean Whitmore: "Either that, or Sam's ghost is possessing other posters and attacking through them.

Poor bugger. First attempt at it and he gets himself stuck in a retard."

"Axl maybe an asshole , but he doesn't molest children!"

Thadeus Thunderwinkle: "Can someone please remind me why I agreed to go on a five-mile run in the morning?"
Michael P: "You're an idiot?"

"This thread has been very helpful. I am beginning to understand how a shitty movie like Transformers 2 can still pull in huge amounts of money."
~ Shellhead

"I live in a small town full of tone deaf retards. Bad music is in my culture."
~ o1pickleboy

Typo Lad: "Is man even capable of being utterly subjective?"
Loren: "Maybe. Maybe not."

"If you drink water while you pee it feels like you are flossing your insides."
~ Mac Danny

"The more ass crack I see, the more I want to stick little flags in the gap."
~ Athena Bast

"Look at that. The idiot has evolved into a troll. Evolutionary proof."
~ thehod

DoctorDoom: "Did you just try to advertise? To me?"
Paul McEnery: "Wouldn't be the first time."

"American TV news is the airport novel of information."
~ Paul McEnery

"Paul's banned? Must be Monday."
~ Chris Nowlin

"Wait! Michael Jackson is DEAD?"
~ atoningunifex

"i'm a half jew, but i knew a christian once. i'll speak on his behalf."
~ vcassel

Paradox: "One squaw, one trouble. Two squaws, two troubles."
Tages: "Bigamy is one wife too many. Monogamy is the same."

DoctorDoom: "Double Jeopardy?"
Michael P: "Anyone who pays for an Ashley Judd movie a second time deserves what they get."

"That's the saddest list I've seen since my virgin friend's girlfriend list."
~ Joe Rice

"It doesn't matter who posted the picture, you can still jack off to it."
~ Donald M.

howyadoin: "What the hell is a poll dance?"
Michael P: "Sounds like a way to keep white people from voting."

"You probably don't hear this too often, Typo, but damn you remind me of an old girlfriend.

We were walking around town and I said, 'wow you're really sweating'.
She: 'Horses sweat, women glow'
About to be single again me: 'Well you're glowing like a horse!'"
~ Asmith

Justin D.: "Wow, just found out that John Hughes died of a heart attack today."
Ray R.: "Don't you forget about me. Don't. Don't. Don't. Don't."

"Wildcat has an unexplained origin, someone alert Geoff Johns!"
~ Mac Danny

"You're acting like a climate change denialist."
~ Paul McEnery

"If I can't drink it, what's the point?"
~ StoneGold

Cayman: "Am I smart enough to figure out Ubuntu?"
Donald M.: "I don't know, how are you with African languages?"

"You have major problems if you think referencing Timecop is cool."
~ Royal

Brian Cronin
05-01-2014, 06:04 PM

01pickleboy: "I have and if your near mermaid and me. well I am sorry for her because you so are bend over."
Mermaid: "the english version of this would have really helped."

LewMoxinsghost: "The last thing we need is a Goofy / Wolverine team-up."
Slam_Bradley: "Wolverine has teamed up with so many goofy characters already that it shouldn't make any difference."

"Let's call this new age the Goddamn Rape Age, to enshrine forever DC's bold move in direction and for evermore proving that comics are not for kids."
~ Asmith

Lone Ranger: "When I was in high school, I worked at a sleepover summer camp about 2 hours north of Toronto.

We had a lot of international campers looking for the Canadian experience."
Ray R.: "'The Canadian experience.'

I.e., Tim Horton's and an apology."

K'Nort: "So there were pole dancers (with poles) being towed around Manhattan this week. Performing as they glided through traffic."
Tadhg: "Was there a reason?"
Paradox: "Does there have to be?"

"When I was telling my cousin about the Marvel-Disney thing, I made him guess who bought Marvel.

'Here's a hint...he's black and has big ears.'

'Martin Lawrence?' "
~ Doctor Doom

"Lightning does not strike in the same place twice.

That hasn't stopped filmmakers from running around in rainstorms, waving their official Blair Witch metal rods!"
~ Donald M.

Punchy: "I was in Chicago over the weekend and found the greatest jazz record shop in the country."
Adam C: "I'm curious as to the name of this shop."
Punchy: "It's got quite a clever name. The Jazz Record Shop."

"Excuse me, good sir. I wonder if you'd mind taking your sales pitch elsewhere, as none of us have the slightest interest in whatever it is you're attempting to sell to us."
~ Spike-X

"You're just running your own flag up the pole of hyperbole again."
~ Paradox

"I used to see ads like that a lot back when they were new. AdBlock has since learned to deal with them, and I think Flashblock helps too. Between the two of them, ads of any kind are as rare as straight Dazzler fans."
~ Michael P

01pickleboy: "Repressed Daddy issues and a strong madonna whore complex"
Michael P: "I tell you, that phrase made a lot more sense once I learned that "madonna" also meant the Virgin Mary."

Athena Bast: "It never occurred to me that Larry Hama could be Asian."
Spike-X: "Not only that, but Ralph Macchio looks nothing like the Karate Kid!"

"Why we have helmet laws for motorcycle riders, but not for Republicans, I'll never know."
~ Mr.Ez

"Sounds like you're just talking out of your Anthony Sydney Smith again."
~ Chris Nowlin

jessecuster3: "So I had these amazing things called heirloom pickles."
Cayman: "Are they passed down from generation to generation?

Can you take them on Antiques Roadshow?"

"At least Paul isn't off on one of his Tao-ist Alister Crowely was the coyote of change thingy-me-bob rants."
~ Asmith

Athena Bast: "I need a get out of jail free card or something."
Michael P: "If I'd been rolling as long as you have and not hit doubles, I'd just pay the $50 and proceed along St. Charles Place."

"It's something Japanese.
I think it's something Japanese.
I really think so.


Excuse me, I seem to have come down with The Vapours."
~ Pól Rua

Donald M.: "Strange game. The only winning move is not to play."
jessecuster3: "How about a nice game of chess?"

"In space, no one can hear you being an asshole."
~ Donald M.

Mermaid: "gotta go, my Brah's here."
Cam63: "Well, put it on... We won't look :)"
Mermaid: "promise?

I might be shy........."
Cam63: "One doubts it !"

"Howy's meat is fearsome indeed!"
~ Alex L

"Excuse me ma'am, are you a globe trotting floozy? Then we've got the poll for you."
~ fly on the wall

"How is Aquaman not chronically Pruny?"
~ Mac Danny

"I can't take a guy running around in a purple leotard serious.
Maybe if he had a cape."
~ Alex

"Whenever I see a new 3D movie come out, I think of Count Floyd."
~ Donald M.

DoctorDoom: "I have a date this Friday."
Chris Nowlin: "I can't help but notice this date is with somebody other than me. Why is that?"
Mac Danny: "Distance, Odor, take your pick."

StoneGold: "So apparently there are rules now against 'snarkiness'."
Donald M.: "Well shit, time to close up the internet and go home. Was fun while it lasted."

Joe Rice: "The internet is weird."
Spike-X: "Let's keep it that way."

thespianphryne: "New Yankee Stadium has heated seats."
Michael P: "Unfortunately, many of those seats contain Yankee fans."

Michael P: "I've got an old 3.5'' floppy that's formatted for use with a Mac. How would I go about retrieving the files thereon?"
Nick Soapdish: "First, you build a time machine ..."

Brian Cronin
05-01-2014, 06:05 PM

"When people on the X-Board say something got better, what they mean is 'My designated C-List fetish character showed up and was properly jerked off by the writer.'"
~ Michael P

"It's coming inside the house!"
~ Paradox

Spike-X: "Wicked lightning storm here tonight. Been going for a couple of hours. The kids loved it."
Pól Rua: "Soon they'll be old enough for graverobbing. Oh it's a precious time in a young mad scientist's life."

DoctorDoom: "Never play the fool. You'll lose the game. "
Paradox: "Everybody plays the fool, sometime.

There's no exception to the rule.

Listen, baby!"

Pól Rua: "Yeah, and the rest of the books help further the stereotype that comics are for screwed-up, socially retarded, sexually immature adults who reek of piss and sweat and spend their time masturbating to photos of Kitty Pryde cosplayers on the net."
jonah warlord: "I've been looking for something to write in my "Tiny Titans" Christmas cards..."

"Gods, I love hearing about how you White Male Middle-Class Christians are so fucking oppressed.
Get off the fucking cross. Your saviour isn't a jungle gym for you to play on."
~ Pól Rua

"Having foreskin makes sex different because it starts with your partner looking at your dick like an Ikea bookshelf with no instructions."
~ Mac Danny

Michael P: "Well, Jeopardy is pre-empted so ABC can masturbate over human tragedy, and I'm officially in one of my moods."
DoctorDoom: "Because Jeopardy's not on? You're easily riled.

I must make a note to kidnap Alex Trebek."

Athena Bast: "Not only are they making a live action/CG hybrid Yogi Bear movie.... they've got Dan Ackroyd as Yogi.

And Justin Timberlake as Boo Boo."
GozertheGozarian: "We can expect to see My Dick in a Picnic Basket on the soundtrack."

Michael P: "God dammit, it's cold."
o1pickleboy: "Well get out of Hilary Clinton's vagina then"

"It's an enlightened age we live in where men with tits don't just have to stay home all day and play with their moobs. Now they can vote, drive cars, even be captains of industry. And if they want to put their career on hold while they stay at home to eat fried chicken, well hey, that's okay to!"
~ Asmith

riddler72: "I would like to change my username!How does one go about it??"
Matt: "Through the usage of rudimentary reading skills."

"Yeah, when I was in college, plenty of people claimed to be asexual but were actually just Smiths fans."
~ K'Nort

Chris Nowlin: "Does that mean I'm not getting laid?"
o1pickleboy: "You would do better at it if you weren't following 'Paradox's guide to getting Nookie'."

Paradox: "It's appropriate and typically American! We're talking about a food stuffed inside a food stuffed inside a food."
Loren: "Indeed. Myself, I prefer turduckephant."

"I trust these people as far as I can throw their extended cab, four wheel drive pickup."
~ Puma

StoneGold: "Looks like you picked the wrong week to stop sniffing glue. "
Paradox: "Surely you can't be serious.

There's a sale at Penny's!"

Michael P: "Dammit, CBR! Stop being more fun than homework!"
Cayman: "Solution: Visit the Spider-Man board."

"This mustard! It's driving us apart! I'm just a doctor, Jim!"
~ Ray R.

Guapo Méndez: "They did remove the stupidest part of the book."
Michael P: "What, the bit with all the words?"

"Cloning is like the Disco of comic book plot gimmicks."
~ fly on the wall

Spike-X: "Sheesh. Tough room."
Mermaid: "If you're here all week I might change venues."

"If her eyes were any further apart they'd be on two other people's heads..."
~ Asmith

arp2008: "Do you have the urge to harm yourself the longer you spend online?"
Sean Whitmore: "Depends what board I'm on."

"I reject your assertion that Shia LaDouche and Stick with Tits are 'real people'."
~ Pól Rua

o1pickleboy: "So I have been flirting with Megan for a few days now, then her sister and me start talking in Megan's IM. They switch back and forth without telling me. I have no idea which one is coming over tomorrow."
Michael P: "If they'd had the Internet in Elizabethan England, Shakespeare would have written a plot like this."

DoctorDoom: "So... Ghost Rider took out Galactus.

The 90's were weird."
Reptisaurus!: "That's sad. He used to be the embodiment of an angry God's wrath and now it's all 'Dangit, we got Galactuses again. Let me get the rake.'"

DoctorDoom: "Sit by the fireplace!"
Royal: "Fireplace?"
Spike-X: "A recessed hole in an interior wall where a fire is lit, thereby heating the room."
Michael P: "But that's not important right now."

vcassel: "Spike-X, how's that Beez Neez beer?"
Spike-X: "It's the cat's whiskers!"

Donald M.: "Regarding lightsabers, I always wondered how even the most skilled weilders never managed to slice bits of themselves off."
Michael P.: "I find your lack of faith disturbing."

Brian Cronin
05-01-2014, 06:05 PM

"And what rough beast, its hour come round at last,
Slouches towards 5000 to be showered in streamers?"
~ Pól Rua

"This is just like that time I invented Pepsi."
~ Danvh3

MNM: "So some obscure indie title tops such a list. Colour me shocked."
dupont2005: "I look at these lists as a chance at discovering something new and great I should probably be reading, not to reaffirm my belief that Superman rules and everything else sucks."

"I got snow on my deep-dish hotdog!"
~ Ray R.

"I got new glasses today. They've ramped up the magnification a tad, so everything looks bigger, especially close up.

I can't wait to see my ex with no top on!"
~ Spike-X

Gilda Dent: "I missed your joke there. My bad."
jesse_custer: "No apology needed! I fucked the cousin on this one."

"I didn't think it was possible for someone as heavy as me, maybe it's because I don't drink that onften, but I get srunk really easily."
~ Donald M.

i_mmmchocolate: "Vostok, Antarctica: -89.2C
Oymyakon, Russia: -71.1C
Verkhoyansk, Russia: -67.7C
Snag, Yukon, Canada: -63C
Prospect Creek, Alaska, US: -62.1C"
Dreadstar: "Hmmmm... I wonder why they left my ex-wife's vagina off the list?"

"People shouldn't get upset about being called an idiot here. I don't think anyone who posts here hasn't been called an idiot at one time or another. And if you haven't... then be patient, I'll get to you eventually."
~ Asmith

"Bedtime for Gilda.

Goodnight fornicators and sodomites, and all the ships at sea."
~ Gilda Dent

"Good night, CBR, whatever you are."
~ Michael P

DrewTheXenocide: "Man. I could go for some beer and fellatio right now.

Maybe I shouldn't have started this post with 'man.'"
Slugger: "Yeah. You could of said cunnilingus with a man."

Slugger: "I have an odd 12 year old boy fascination with bank robbers."
Michael P: "Better than the other way around."

"Admittedly young men today do look about as masculine as a pack of French dukes out at a boating party..."
~ Asmith

"Well, it's movie time. We're going to enjoy a classic meditation on the power that mercy and compassion have to heal the soul. It's called Female Convict Scorpion: Jailhouse 41."
~ Gilda Dent

"I embrace new forms of online communication like a feral child embraces speech."
~ Paradox

"When you make Half-Baked look like Gone With the Wind, there's a problem."
~ Ray R.

howyadoin: "What exactly is sad about J.D. Salinger's death?"
Danvh3: "He didn't take the Jonas Bros and the cast of Twilight with him?"

"How are they gonna do a RED menace movie without, y'know... the Red menace...? 'It's the inhuman Chinese, They're buying up all our national debt... Quick my Wolverines, to the stock market!'"
~ Asmith

"I thought Santa Claus was Jesus's father God."
~ Cotton

Athena Bast: "How do you know of the Dream Warriors?"
Mac Danny: "They live inside my head? No wait that's the Dream Police."

"Excuse me if I don't share your enthusiasm for 'faith-based' economics."
~ Pól Rua

"It's like a time window into the CBR of two years ago!

Lamest time travel story ever."
~ Donald M.

"You can barely handle the English language. Who are you to decide who lives and who dies?"
~ Danvh3

"My inlaws had an accident involving their Airedale and a paper shredder."
~ The Black Guardian

Dreadstar: "To be fair, you didn't have an entitlement complex."
thehod: "I sent mine back. Didn't think I deserved it."

Ronald Bryan: " I broke down and ordered a pizza. I've been fighting it all week."
Agent Helix: "That's one tough pizza."

howyadoin: "I'll drink to a brighter future, then."
Donald M.: "One where we can all fuck robots in our flying cars, like God intended!"

"I don't think hiring nerds counts as affirmative action."
~ StoneGold

"Never trust a fart during the first two weeks of a low carb diet."
~ Mac Danny

"You know what else is a choking hazard: Food. Maybe we should re-design food. Maybe we should make it illegal to serve fish to children - what if they choke on a bone. Maybe we should make buttons illegal on kids clothes - kids pull them off and choke on them. Maybe we should ban marbles - kids swallow them and choke or shove up their noses and die. We should just ban everything. But that's inconvenient. Maybe we should ban kids. But that's unfair. Just what do you think you're doing Dave? Won't somebody think of the children! The children! Soylent Green is people! Daisy, Daisy, I'm half crazy!"
~ thespianphryne

"I saw that article on hot dogs, too.

I wish the government would keep its weiner out of our buns."
~ jesse_custer

"Avatar is like spending two and a half hours with a really beautiful woman, but all she wants to do is talk about her fucking handbag."
~ Agent Helix

"The way the goalposts keep moving, the stadium must have been designed by M.C. Escher."
~ GozertheGozarian

Tages: "I so badly want to get out of here and do something interesting. But I can't find or think of anything."
o1pickleboy: "Interesting. Well you can never go wrong with impregnating a woman you barely know.

I haven't had a dull moment in 2 years."

Gingold: "I for one am hoping to see a new brighter heroic age of tentacle rape after the latest crossovers are finished. For the kids."
Ray R.: "'And Lo, A Squid Shall Lead Them'

Not An Imaginary Story, Don't Miss It, As the DC Universe Will Never Be the Same!"

"If you only sell one size, they are not 'large fries'; they are just 'fries'!!!!"
~ Gingold

Brian Cronin
05-01-2014, 06:06 PM

"She's in great company with Tyra's forehead in the acting department."
~ veracity

"Generally what English speakers put in front, the french put behind.

In more ways than one now that I think about it."
~ Athena Bast

Chris Nowlin: "Ah, I remember the old days when I was the newbie everybody wanted to get rid of."
Gingold: "It's still half true."

Michael P: "The National Breast Council recommends you touch at least three boobs a day."
Pól Rua: "Which is great news for Eccentrica Gallumbits, the Triple-Breasted Whore of Eroticon VI."
Asmith: "Why do I get the eerie feeling that you didn't need to check a reference for that...?"

Chris Lang: "Can we still contact him? I'd like to talk to him and ask him what's going on.

I'm terribly disappointed, but I'm willing to hear his side of the story."
Agent Helix: "I hope his side of the story is just the lyrics to 'A Boy Named Sue'."

"I like my women like I like my coffee. Bitter and overpriced."
~ Ray R.

howyadoin: "Look familiar?

o1pickleboy: "Yeah that is Doom, Pullman and SuperE."

Dazzler: "I'm just curious where FM sits."
Spike-X: "If you mean 'to pee', apparently she doesn't."

o1pickleboy: "When she leaves walking funny is that a good thing or a awesome thing?"
DocAbsurd: "So long as she leaves, it's a good thing."

"In years to come they won't tell stories as to how the full moon sent people fruit loops, they'll tell stories about how the internet did it instead."
~ thehod

gary bolt: "I have a Norco Bush Pilot and I rode it 45K today."
boshobosho: "reading this post at 4:30 am I had to wonder for a moment how you ride an electric razor. I then remember that those are norelcos."

"I cry in the theater all the time. Why, I cried last week at having spent real money on Alice in Wonderland."
~ Dreadstar

"I am shocked- shocked! - to see snark being used in Rita's. Next they'll be talking about Blade Runner."
~ Gingold

Mac Danny: "Happy St. Patty's

Time to be drunk like a poet on payday."
Tadhg: "Poets don't have paydays."

Michael P: "What about comparing Liefeld's anatomy to Jack Kirby's?"
Donald M.: "So it's a dick measuring contest now, is it?"

"And that's the essential problem with 'Planetary' right there. When Elijah Snow says, 'The world is a strange place'... he gets Dracula, Doc Savage and Godzilla... When we say it, we get The Captain Fire-Cock Rock 'n' Roll Spectacular."
~ Pól Rua

MacQuarrie: "Okay, so how can I go about this 'selling out' business? I am ready to sell out. My highest principles and most deeply-held beliefs are for hire."
thespianphryne: "Mac, Mac, Mac. If I knew, would I be here?"

"Hey, the Founding Fathers specifically wrote the Second Amendment so their pudgy, T-shirt wearing descendants could play cowboy while shopping for low-sodium corn chips and sneakers with lights in them."
~ Michael P

"Man, if you can't trust an Oxycontin addicted sexist racist to be true to his word, who can you trust?"
~ Danvh3

"I prefer doing my own thing to working at McDonalds."
~ Erik Larsen

Winslow: "The students voted on teacher superlatives yesterday. What did I win? Most inspiring? friendliest? most eager to help?


Best dancer."
StoneGold: "Hold me closer, Tiny."

"Zen is Chinese for 'boring', right?"
~ Gingold

"Keep drinking until you've found something even dumber to argue about."
~ Donald M.

Gingold: "Man, Blackest Night looks even dumber than I thought it was."
Tadhg: "It makes you long for the days of explaining why Hal had grey temples."

"If wishes were horses then anecdotes would be data, is that how the saying goes?"
~ Tadhg

Slugger: "Apparently JD with a bit of peach schnapps and cran juice is decent."
Royal: "Did your balls just roll out of your pants after you drank that?"

"INT: Atlantic City Boardwalk

Mr. Moneybags: I tell you, Shoe, this whole motherfucking place will be mine. And when it is, things will change.

Shoe: Boss, you know they have it in for you, with the fake beauty pageants, the jail time, and the excessive rents.

Mr. Moneybags: Can the waterworks. I WILL control this city, one goddamned street at a time, if need be.

And, SCENE."
~ Ray R.

"Jesse you are a Mental Organism Designed Only for SULKING."
~ Agent Helix

Dr. Hfuhruhurr: "At 14, I was 6'4" and 175. When I graduated high school, I was 6'6" and 235. Grew another inch-and-a-half in college."
Slam_Bradley: "Yeah...but that's the hybrid vigor of the Sasquatch genes coming out."
Dr. Hfuhruhurr: "I may be large and hairy but it's incredibly hard to catch me on film."

Athena Bast: "Oh wow I feel nauseous all of a sudden."
StoneGold: "Wait, I haven't posted yet."

boshobosho: "We all see these guys at the LCS. They're often dirty, often smell funny, and have the social capabilities of a slug... Can these people be fixed? How would someone go about it?"
Michael P: "Castration seems a bit excessive, especially given the unlikelihood that these guys will ever breed."

Joe Rice: "I LOVE COCKS"
Kid Omega: "It's spelled 'cox'."

"If I try to imagine you in real life, all I can picture is H.R. Puffinstuff."
~ Pól Rua

JeffreyWKramer: "So the Archie comics are introducing an openly gay character, and a more ethically diverse cast of characters."
Agent Helix: "More ethically diverse? So what, they're going to introduce new students at Riverdale that range from anti-abortion teetotallers to serial rapists?"

"The lightbox is on, but nobody's home."
~ Ray R.

"It's too early to be speaking in riddles like a woman.

Just tell me."
~ Winslow

Michael P: "Maybe you've just been talking to some very stupid people."
thespianphryne: "Well, he has been on the internet."

Naota: "You just made every one of my points - thank you."
Donald M.: "Well thank goodness, you sure seemed to be having a hard time making them yourself."

"You left out a crucial bit of information there, Sir Drinks-a-Lot."
~ Donald M.

"The thing with Pitchfork Media is, the way they review albums, they either shit all over them or they wildly ejaculate onto them.

Either way, it's not something you want to touch when they're done."
~ 40footwolf

Agent Helix: "You're all my playthings now."
Ray R.: "First they came for the attention whores, and I did not speak......"

"I've grown numb to seeing Matthew Fox cry. He does it in everything he's in. I'm pretty sure he's even cried in a few movies he wasn't even in."
~ Shan Bruce Lee

"Congratulations Geoff Johns. A lump of plastic is more entertaining than you."
~ Asmith

Guapo Méndez: "Didn't Red K once gave Superman extra arms?
Do you want him to have extra dicks in that precise moment?"
Pól Rua: "Look on the bright side... your pants'll fit like a glove!"

dexterallen01: "what is was the frist game that you evet platyed?"
StoneGold: "Speak and Spell."

Brian Cronin
05-01-2014, 06:06 PM

"Basically, having a pool is a lot like having a high maintenance girlfriend.

They require constant dedication and attention, it costs hundreds of dollars worth of toxic chemicals to make them all pretty, and when all's said and done you only get to spend about ten minutes inside of one a week anyway."
~ Agent Helix

jessecuster2: "We are leaving to go basically to Algren's home."
Puma: "and you're in a hurry?"

"When they make potpourri illegal, only criminals will have potpourri."
~ Danvh3

"Comic con this weekend! But I asked a girl friend to come with me, and she said no. Which really sucks... I don't want to be the only guy turning up to the comic book convention without a date."
~ Asmith

"Is there a shortage of Coopers and Tim Tams in Wallamoorieballoo or something?"
~ Kid Omega

"I have come unto bunched-panty-land to drink your women and steal your beer.

You can keep the fatties and the Natty Light, thanks."
~ Dreadstar

thespianphryne: "Alfred Nobel was a scientist. He also invented dynamite."
Spike-X: "Which is an explosive. Like TNT. Which is an album by AC/DC. AC and DC are tow different types of electrical current. Generating electricity often produces carbon emissions. Therefore Alfred Nobel, and the prize named after him, are contributing to global warming. Which is a myth anyway."

Michael P: "They don't have driver's licenses in Britain?"
Slam_Bradley: "Everyone in Britain are pedestrians. Only elitists drive."

jessecuster3: "This deodorant I have been using says on the label, Smells Like Ice, Wind, and Freedom!"
Mac Danny: "I want one that smells like Earth Wind and Fire. I guess I should just buy some Hai Karate."

"I still wish for Adam Hughes and Gene Ha to collaborate for the signature alone."
~ Jeff Brady

"What is currently piling up in the professional section of my email: A controversy over the Library of Congress agreeing to create a subject heading for strap-on sex but declining to create one for fisting."
~ K'Nort

Spike-X: "Oh dear. A somewhat unfortunate choice of wording:

Agent Helix: "Typical media slant."
Matt Algren: "* golf crap *"

"Six pages of this?

Are all the porn sites down or something?"
~ Iangould

Agent Helix: "If Frank Miller and Neil LaBute ever worked on a movie together starring Mel Gibson, it would be so misogynistic that every vagina on the planet would spontaneously implode."
Dreadstar: " Surely you could have worked Dave Sim in there, somehow."
Agent Helix: "I didn't want to be crass."

Brian Cronin: "Isn't it weird how Next Generation had all of thse 'What's racism?' 'It was something that existed in the 20th Century,' 'What's pollution?' 'It was something that existed in the 20th Century,' 'What is greed?' 'It is something that existed in the 20th Century.'"
Joe Rice: "'What is this "interesting conflict"?' 'It's something they had in the old show.'"

"I always see post starting with 'Spoilers', then about a paragraph is blank followed by 'End of Spoilers'.

I want to see the Spoilers please lol."
~ agirlyman

Matt Algren: "I've noticed a decided uptick over the last few months in people saying 'Well said.' It just seems to be everywhere. It's not just me, right?"
jessecuster: "Aptly put."
Guapo Méndez: "Well said."
jessecuster3: "Quoted for truth!"
Typo Lad: "This!"

"El Google es su amigo."
~ Guapo Méndez

"I'll always have a soft-spot for Dick Grayson."
~ Type Lad

Brian Cronin
05-01-2014, 06:07 PM

Tages: "I'm beginning to think that looking to meet girls in Reno is like drilling for oil on the moon."
Asmith: "Silent, lonely, and if you need to poo you have to go in your pants...?"

Donald M.: "How do you explain Smallville managing to stay on the air for a decade?"
Agent Helix: "Quality-starved sci-fi fans happily eating whatever shit network television will defecate into a trough for them?"

"Ever watched a game of pass-the-parcel in a Belfast pub?
It's a kind of ballet.

Quite majestic, if fairly short-lived."
~ Pól Rua

Charles RB: "If only those poor henchmen were named characters with license potential, eh?"
Sean Whitmore: "I thought Thug 3 from Amazing Spider-Man #331 could have been the breakout character of 1990."
Charles RB: "Considering it was the nineties, I'm surprised there wasn't a Thug #3 miniseries with foil cover variants and a guest appearance from Ghost Rider."

"My Big Muff is lonely."
~ DrewTheXenocide

"You say stupid words. Me listen to everything you say from now on.

~ thehod

"Enjoy your 'immortality' while it lasts, drunky."
~ Donald M.

Pól Rua: "Rape, bank-robbing, cattle rustling, and rape..."
Paradox: "You said DC twice."

"It's amazing how butthurt people can get over a man with a beard speaking honestly and coherently."
~ jesse_custer

"whys not one here while iamn drrkn? no faier"
~ Athena Bast

"So would a rapscallion be somebody who freestyles over the top of Green Onions by Booker T and the MGs?"
~ Spike-X

"If it's made of cotton and has buttons for eyes, I don't think you need to know whose hand is in it to recognize what it is."
~ StarsAndGarters

Paul McEnery: "Cut some words out of a Dan Brown book and arrange them into a crossword pattern."
thehod: "50 different ways to spell crap.

Should kill fifteen minutes."

Seresecros: "Wasn't America founded upon the principle of freedom of speech? Or some shit like that?"
coveredinbees: "No, that came later."

Stonegold: "You're already going to hell for masturbating, might as well go full tilt boogie."
Captain Clarkie: "I'm not too familiar with that option, is that the one where you fuck a Pinball machine?"

Matt Algren: "I gave my resume to someone I knew in high school who is an HR specialist, and she (like several others) said it was an impressive resume. Still no leads, though."
Captain Clarkie: "Try your pencil case, next to the eraser."

"Hating Muslims means hating Muhammed Ali, and that's unamerican."
~ GozertheGozarian

JeffreyWKramer: "Hey, Dread, did you ever figure out what pans you're going to get?"
Joe Rice: "I read that as 'pants' first and I thought, 'Wow, we have reached a new all-time low in interesting conversations here in Rita's.'"

Brian Cronin
05-01-2014, 06:07 PM

"I avoid Captain Morgan just on general principle, because there are a ton of better things to drink. The brand marketing of frat boy, rape kit, goofy retard pose fuel provide a separate justification for avoidance."
~ Ray R.

howyadoin: "Imagine if Nickelback covered 'We Built This City'. I wonder if you can."
Paul McEnery: "Thanks, but I already know there's no heaven."

"Meanwhile, according to the ad for the CMAs that had the temerity to air during Jeopardy, there's apparently a country music singer called 'Lady Antebellum.'

I wonder if she's got a single titled 'Them Damn Yankees Better Not Try To Take My Niggers.'"
~ Michael P

Paul McEnery: "I've got Epping Forest across my belly."
Captain Clarkie: "I wouldn't advise foraging in THOSE woods."
Pól Rua: "If you go down to the woods today, prepare for a big surprise..."

"My sis surprised me yesterday with a gift of a 40" HD LCD Samsung TV... I like it when good things happen to me instead of other people."
~ Asmith

Spike-X: "Christian families will have their children taken away and given to atheist same-sex couples for adoptrination."
Captain Clarkie: "It's like Herod 2.0"

"It's always breakfast somewhere."
~ Paul McEnery

"What am I, a savage? Might as well go around hypnotizing chickens!"
~ Joe Rice

Slugger: "how many human races are there?"
Donald M.: "Just the one."
Chris Nowlin: "What about gingers?"
Donald M.: "He said human."

Tages: "I've heard one hypothesis before that Kennedy wanted to commit suicide but was prevented as a Roman Catholic from doing so. The entire scene in Dallas was an elaborate assisted suicide ritual designed as a runaround for Catholic rules against suicide imbued with secret Masonic symbolism."
Captain Clarkie: "That's what SHE said!"

Paradox: "Oops, wrong thread."
Chris Nowlin: "Boy is that an understatement."

"The idea that 'geek' is a designation that needs protecting from opportunistic outsiders is ludicrous and your insistence is frankly embarrassing."
~ Donald M.

gary bolt: "Staff Christmas party tonight. Woo."
howyadoin: "I hope everybody grew a beard for the occasion."
GozertheGozarian: "Katie Holmes or Kelly Preston?"

Tadhg: "The end we can agree that Gru is responsible for all culture, especilly Cap wearing a schoolgirl outfit while covered in mayonnaise and having sex with iron man as a wolf."
Spike-X: "I will be in my motherfucking BUNK."

"We were not talking about music, we were talking about Billy Joel."
~ Captain Clarkie

"I've never really considered that, of all the stupid shit that makes it to TV, there's stuff that's actually rejected for being too stupid.

I don't think I'm going to sleep well tonight."
~ Spike-X

gary bolt: "Ya, especially when they get all whinny about it."
Spike-X: "I know! I'm like, 'Why the long face?'"

gary bolt: "We're going to start it breast side down. I've done my last few birds that way..."
Spike-X: "Small world."

"God, why does the "new craze" in liquor have to be flavored bourbon? You know what the only acceptable bourbon flavor is? BOURBON."
~ Agent Helix

howyadoin: "Jesus. Haven't even started drinking yet, and the fucking cold medicine is making me maudlin already."
Paradox: "Should cold acquaintance be forgot?"

Brian Cronin
05-01-2014, 06:07 PM

kikiyo2: "Thanks for basically proving my point. No one actually refutes my point but they're right there with the snarky responses like I'm an idiot to discredit my point. The usual indie-snob response. Sorry, but I can actually think for myself and not sip the indie kool-aid. And yea, Dark Avengers was the best comic of the year but everybody's afraid to put something that sells because they lose "street cred." Yet, it's me that has the bad taste instead of a bunch of posers hyping a bunch of books that they've probably never read (or understand)."
Michael P: "Keep going. I've almost got 'bingo.'"

"Everyone thinks in absolutes and binaries. It's so very tiresome."
~ Kid Omega

dupont2005: "Alexander The Great was only 32 when he died? Damn, people used to get shit done back then."
Shellhead: "In all fairness, they didn't have console games back then."

strathcona: "Yeah... what kind of name is Kal-El?"
dupersuper: "A proud Kryptonian name...it means star child."

gryhpon: "Having a good day so far."
gryhpon: "A really good day."
gryhpon: "Wanna know why?"
Jeff Brady: "Well, it certainly isn't because you've learned to get to the point in less than four posts."

"Friend of mine had a case of that that just kept coming back round over and over and over again.

It was eventually diagnosed as 'loop-de-lupus'."
~ Pól Rua

Slugger: "Late 90's nostalgia gets me everytime, especially when I see music videos from that time, and think how MTV and Muchmusic used to be good."
Donald M.: "Sometimes I forget how young you are, then you post something stupid like this."

"Running a Wonder Woman blog tells me you're either definitely straight, or definitely gay."
~ FunkyGreenJerusalem

"Asexuality is the new Amy."
~ GozertheGozarian

Tadhg: "Anyone know how to rig a coin toss?"
StoneGold: "Depends, how superhuman are your reflexes?"
Tadhg: "Subhuman, I'd say."

Spike-X: "Wouldn't you rather fuck someone who's not a bitch?"
StoneGold: "I appreciate the interest, but I'm not into dudes."

BYC: "Maybe it's time to open a Relationships sub-forum."
Captain Clarkie: "I'm not ready for that kind of commitment."

"I was always curious, if you're of Scottish decent, do you automatically get a pair of velcro gloves?"
~ Dreadstar

Tadhg: "Has anyone, through magic or technology, figured out how to instantaneously refill whiskey bottles?"
GozertheGozarian: "I had a machine that could, but all it would make was Canadian Club, so I destroyed it."

AXL: "You know, I've only been on these forums for two months and I am seeing a lot of hate being thrown around. I know that us comic people have our opinions on things, but I just have to ask: why all the hate?"
DonC: "It's because I actually paid money for Chinese Democracy."

"Stop Postin' Lyrics, Yo

hey na na
stop posting lyrics
na na hey


Seriously it's really
Really annoying
Na na na so stop doing it"
~ Agent Helix

"My dong is made of tolerance!"
~ Fabian

"What does Joe look like, some egghead?

He's a working man! He doesn't have time to read THE NEW YORKER cover to cover, like some people!"
~ Kid Omega

"Amalgam could've been better, but at least it's heart was in the right place. Namely in its chest, not getting eaten by a beloved character transformed into a fucking space zombie."
~ Donald M.

Captain Clarkie: "I was too busy running off with my tale between my legs to notice."
Winslow: "Must be the Norman blood in you."

Brian Cronin
05-01-2014, 06:08 PM

"I can't believe I never noticed this before, but Chewbacca totally looks like John Travolta."
~ Donald M.

"Who could blame him? What are the odds of finding fans that obsess about every detail on the internet?"
~ Nick Soapdish

jessecuster3: "Woo hoo, finally a new Transformer in my hands!"
Spike-X: "That's what she never, ever said."

Justin D.: "Bicep season?"
i_mmmchocolate: "It's the most wonderful time of the year!"

"'Utilikilt' sounds like something the Scottish Batman would wear."
~ Michael P

Pól Rua: "Ducks are awesome. Geese are mean."
Paul McEnery: "But both taste good
In a tureen."
Spike-X: "Burma Shave."

"I feel like drinkin' tonight, like drinkin' tonight, like drinkin' tonight!

Chicken is equally good though."
~ Captain Clarkie

"Isn't that always the way? Sometimes, life seems like a never-ending progression of Coys and Vances when all you really want is a Bo or a Luke."
~ Donald M.

Matt Algren: "You keep a dildo at Costco?"
Athena Bast: "No, that's moving out in 5 weeks."

Winslow: "Anyone know how to dye hair white?"
Joe Rice: "Just keep teaching."

Brian Cronin: "How do shows get baby actors to cry when needed? They don't actually do mean stuff to them, do they?"
Matt Algren: "Feed them peanut butter, right?

Wait, that's how you make horses talk."

"Stan's had enough appearances on Entertainment Tonight and such that he might get a nod. He did create Superman, after all. And the Peanuts. And anal sex."
~ StoneGold

howyadoin: "Wednesday's plans include sleeping in, alcohol and paint."
Spike-X: "Good thing you put that comma there."
Captain Clarkie: "I think your new nickname should be Kelsey Grammar."

Slam Bradley: "I keep forgetting that Wonder Woman's costume is the most important thing EVAH!"
Pól Rua: "Well, she is a close, personal friend."
Spike-X: "I call her Diana. That's the kind of relationship we have.

You wouldn't understand. None of you understand!!"

Royal: "Set foot in a comic shop after ten years. Got both volumes of Challengers of the Unknown and the second volume of Darwyn Cooke's version of The Spirit. What's Fear Itself?"
Spike-X: "It's the only thing we have to fear. But that's not important right now."

Mac Danny: "Though the Mr Terrific cover looks like he just ate a big bowl of spaghetti. Why is his mouth red?"
Slam_Bradley: "Red wings."

Michael P: "Isn't it time we all got beyond Thunderdome?"
Mangaman: "Now Michael, we don't need another hero."

"If you think of the internet as a body, you can think of crazy as herpes. It's always there and under control. But under the right circumstances, there's an outbreak. And you live with a very real chance of getting infected yourself."
~ thespianphryne

Chris N: "Does masturbating count as having a life?"
Alex L: "Living life fifteen minutes at a time?"
Michael P: "You're up to fifteen minutes?"
Pól Rua: "He's playing 'hard to get'."

Brian Cronin
05-01-2014, 06:08 PM

"Four republicans swayed to do the right thing. It reads like fiction."
~ Gary_B

"Pay no attention to Canadian Jesus! He is a false pope!"
~ Paul McEnery

"In baggy pants or shabby frock,
No ladyparts escape my cock.
Let those who virtue's praises sing
Beware my power and kiss my ring!"
~ Paul McEnery

"Fecal finality lead to fungible fiscal frivolity."
~ Ray R.

Spackling Compound: "Good for you! I'll check it out. Love to have books by people who have banned me."
Brian Cronin: "You might need a bigger bookshelf."

jessecuster3: "What is a dream?"
GozertheGozarian: "The first thing lost in becoming an adult."

"Personally, I think it would be a really great idea if Lois fucked everyone in the Avengers and X-Men in a DC/Marvel crossover called Kingdom Cum."
~ jesse_custer

"Luckily there are some women here to help you shop for a purse."
~ Slam_Bradley

"If comics are dying how come CBR keeps having to increase its server capacity?"
~ Iangould

"There's really only one thing I didn't like about the Green Lantern movie.

Unfortunately that one thing was the script."
~ Iangould

Michael P: "Seriously, though, I've had my phone, computer, and printer since 2004. I think it's time to see what's new."
Spike-X: "Definitely. Did you know they have phones you can carry around with you now?"

SUPERECWFAN1: "I can't believe its wrong to love a sandwich !"
Smoogis: "Shhh...you'll get over your salami someday."

"I do not have a boyfriend. I have misanthropic penis that comes to visit every once in a while."
~ Athena Bast

"I wonder what they're going to call the second series on tv. As Game of Thrones seems to be the general series name, will the second series be called Game of Thrones: Clash of Kings. Kind of an unfortunate acronym there."
~ thehod

Iangould: "Well first they dumped sand on the mangroves, then they built a bunch of warehouses on top; then they knocked them down and build World Expo 88 on the site; then they build a lot of stupid shit nobody wanted that went broke then they knocked them and dumped a bunch more sand."
Paul McEnery: "And the castle fell into the swamp..."
Paradox: "NO SINGING!"

"I'll just go ahead and say it: This is why we need the death penalty."
~ thespianphryne

jesse_custer: "Honestly, I expected a better handjob from you."
Dreadstar: "That was my foot."

"You should be dictating the answers to your secretary, while reclining on a chaise longue as you're fed grapes by a dusky maiden."
~ Spike-X

Michael P: "Phase 2 of Operation: Upgrade My Shit has officially commenced."
GozertheGozarian: "Eating more fiber?"

howyadoin: "So I'm hearing rumours that tonight is the 9th anniversary of Firefly."
Michael P: "And to celebrate, Fox will be destroying all of the original footage."

Jared H.: "Two issues to read a letter. Who are you, Bendis?"
SUPERECWFAN1: "Writing for the Trade baby. Writing for the trade. You suckers gotta pay for this. Just thank me for not making it a 6 issue arc of Peter reading the letter with lots more Norman's O face."

howyadoin: "This has been such a fucking great day."
Spike-X: "I didn't know you hated R.E.M. that much."

Brian Cronin
05-01-2014, 06:09 PM

Darrell D.: "But, hey, boobs."
jesse_custer: "This is the only part of your post that struck me as important."

Michael P: "God, sexless nerds turning their noses up at gorgeous starlets appearing in their nerd movies never stops being funny."
thespianphryne: "Her heels are great, but her boobs aren't big enough. Also she looks like my grandma from when she was young."

Gary_B: "I've drank warm milk fresh from the udder."
Spike-X: "So have I.

Well, it wasn't technically an udder.

And it wasn't deliberately.

I've said too much."

"I'll never understand how they expect people to do mind-numbing factory work without being on drugs."
~ Paradox

Captain Clarkie: "All the ladies in the house say -"
Gary_B: "Sergio Velente!"

"Sheldon Cooper is not meant to be a fucking role model."
~ thehod

Michael P: "I remember in college, my friends and I went to a donut shop after we saw Daredevil.

The donuts were so much better than the movie."
Tadhg: "I had foot surgery right after seeing Daredevil, it was also better than the movie."

i_mmmchocolate: "I wear glasses, so walking in the rain can be a pain in the ass at times."
Slam_Bradley: "But you look so good in them."
i_mmmchocolate: "Please stay on topic. Rain is my mortal enemy."
Slam_Bradley: "She's melting! Melting!"

thespianphryne: "Oh boy. Are we taking bets on the male contraception thread yet?"
Jared H.: "I have avoided that thread like the AIDS."

"Aha, thank you. If I assume 'on' is a mis-spelling of 'in', 'aportunity' means 'opportunity', and 'analise' means 'analyze,' I can now understand that I should not have opened this thread."
~ Steward Ace

"And really, why does CBR continue to cover people who say dumb shit just because they happen to make comics?"
~ JeffreyWKramer

Deathstroke: "Whatever happened to CBR poster phoenixrising?"
Michael P: "Real life, I'm guessing."
i_mmmchocolate: "Yup. She lives in the DC area."
the4thpip: "Oh... was she very much affected by the reboot, then?"

Slam_Bradley: "I don't understand the whole Muppet thing."
Tadhg: "They're puppets."

"If I get sick again because the secretary came to work as plague carrier, I'm going to set her on fire."

Brian Cronin
05-01-2014, 06:11 PM

Gary_B: "Morna and I are about to watch a new episode of Sherlock."
Spike-X: "No shit?"

jesse_custer: "I got engaged Friday.

In other news, Justified is tits."
Slam_Bradley: "You never need to justify tits.

And congratulations."

"I always liked the bit Richard Beltzer did where he described Jagger as moving 'like a white suburban kid raised by a family of black chickens'."
~ Pól Rua

Charles RB: "Are Kinder Eggs the ones that used to be Kinder Surprise?"
Michael P: "They had to change the name after NBC stole it for the German version of "To Catch A Predator."

I'll go to my room now and think about what I've done."

"Hyperbole is awesomer than a billion blow jobs."
~ Tages

Merey: "Are you guys finding out the sex?"
Michael P: "I imagine they found out about it some time ago, given that there's a baby on the way."

Pól Rua: "Charlie Brooker is a finite and precious resource."
Tadhg: "He's on my list of people to immortalize through Artificial Intelligence; along with Stephen Hawking and Vin Diesel."

"Butt-head also said 'bunghole' a few times. He once got asked what a bunghole would and in a moment of zen-like philosophy, explained 'you're a bunghole, bunghole'. A thinker for our time."
~ Charles RB

Michael P: "I sometimes wonder what we as a species did for God to inflict us with Katy Perry."
Tadhg: "Punishment for Internet message boards, I'd assume."

Cavemold: "Already read a book today, but thanks"
Spike-X: "So did the little red engine make it to the top of the hill?"

Michael P: "It hit me today: I'm going to do it. I'm actually going to finish this book."
Captain Clarkie: "*Spoiler* He ended up liking the Green Eggs and Ham."

Jared H.: "Looking forward to the next digest, whenever that might be."
thehod: "You know if you replace the word digest with sex, that's a very good description for life when you're married with kids."

morna: "heya Jeff..wait - you're having a baby!? holy shit"
Jeff Brady: "Yes. Well, my wife is; she's better equipped."

o1pickleboy: "i have no idea why I come here anymore."
jessecuster3: "Fuck You, Pickle."
o1pickleboy: "now i remember"

Michael P: "Typing the word 'chum' when your 'H' key keeps sticking is a perilous affair."
Jeff Brady: "I applaud your avoidance of 'sticky situation'."